Marriage and Parenting

Marital love is rooted in the security of belonging, feeling needed, and complete as a “soul mate” and partner for life. We humans, unlike members of the animal kingdom, possess a particular emotional strand of DNA that will not allow the inner person to be truly satisfied with just the physical side of the marriage relationship. This is one of the “human” attributes that separates man from animals. When a husband and wife are not one with each other in regard to emotional, physical, social oneness, they have gaps in their relationship. Any weakness or break-down in the marriage relationship, tends to produce unintended consequences extending to the children in the home.

While a husband or wife might be able to cope with the missing part, children do not fare as well. Children are not able to rely on reason or intellect to measure the stability of the world around them; so by God’s design, they depend heavily on their senses. There are certain aspects of the marriage relationship that children need to witness routinely. Children need to see an on-going love relationship that includes Mom and Dad enjoying each other as friends and not just parents. They also need to see their parents talking, laughing, working together and resolving conflicts with a mutual respect for each other.

We cannot over-emphasize this point: the more parents demonstrate love for each other, the more they saturate their child’s senses with confidence of a loving, safe and secure world. When there is harmony in the marriage, there is an infused stability within the family.

Even more certain, strong marriages provide a haven of security for children as they mature. That is because healthy, loving marriages create a sense of certainty for children. When a child observes the special friendship and emotional togetherness of his parents, he is naturally more secure because of his confidence in Mom and Dad’s relationship. In contrast, weak marriages do not infuse security into the hearts of children, nor do they encourage strong family ties. In time, parents come to realize that the quality of the parent-child relationship and sibling-to-sibling relationships often reflects the quality of Mom and Dad’s relationship.

Think about it. When the marriage relationship is beautiful, what impressionable child would not desire to share in its joy? When two are beautifully one, what child would not seek the comforts of their togetherness? Parents define for their children the meaning of love as much by what happens in their relationship as anything they may do for their children. Healthy parenting flows from healthy marriages. Protect and keep yours safe!

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