25 Jul 2020

The Many Faces of Stealing

by | posted in: Child Training, Speak Life, Training | 0

Question:

My child is only three years old but in a recent conversation with some other moms, the question of children stealing came up. Is there a way I can be proactive in teaching my child that stealing is wrong? Is stealing always associated with someone taking an item that doesn’t belong to him? I really want to lay a foundation of honesty in my child’s heart.

 

Answer:

I so appreciate your desire to ‘begin as you mean to go’ and to teach the virtue of honesty rather than emphasizing the vice of stealing. I wish there was a short answer to your question, but as I try to provide some positive direction to this issue, you might want to enjoy a cup of tea or coffee while reading this. 

Our usual understanding of the 7th Commandment, “Thou shalt not steal,” is in regards to tangible items and that is fairly easy to explain to even a young child of three. However, when we consider that stealing can also involve time or someone’s reputation, then it becomes a more abstract concept.  (see blog post “How to Not be a Thief”) We may find it’s easier to keep our thinking associated with an object we literally take from another person or place. We are able to assuage our conscience regarding stealing with, “I’ve never really stolen anything big,” maybe just a pack of gum from the grocery store – which I confess was my sin at age five.

 

Thankfully, upon discovery of the item, I truthfully admitted I’d taken the gum. My mom immediately took me back to the store, had me return the gum to the owner and confess and seek his forgiveness. Even at that tender age, I knew that stealing, taking something that wasn’t mine and that I didn’t pay for, was wrong. Having to face the store owner was embarrassing for me, so much so that I knew it wasn’t something I wanted to repeat! While I am thankful for that consequence, in hindsight I can’t honestly say there was any realignment that occurred in my heart. My motivation not to steal was to avoid either the embarrassment of returning the item or a negative physical consequence, not the understanding that stealing was a sin against God and dishonored Him as well as our family name and my reputation.

 

So as parents, how do we bring correction to the action and also work on reaching the heart of our child?

 

Unlike lying, the sin of stealing is a graded offense. That is, while all stealing is wrong, the offenses may be graded according to the seriousness of the theft. Taking a cookie from the cookie jar without permission carries a different weight of punishment than stealing $100 from Dad’s wallet. The punishment must equal the crime. Even more significant is the context of the theft. Two children may steal items of similar value, but for one the sin may be much greater. There is a difference between the child who steals a cookie from the cookie jar at home and the one who steals a cookie from a bakery. Stealing within the family shames the child; stealing outside the family shames both the child and the family.

 

In addition, a theft is not always tangible. As stated above and shared in a previous blog, we can steal someone’s time as well as his wallet. But the most perfidious way to rob another human being is to steal his good reputation. Gossip destroys reputations, which can never be completely restored no matter how hard one tries. Unlike smoke, which fades away quickly, gossip and slander leave a long-lasting toxic cloud.

 

Cheating

Cheating, another form of stealing, is an act of deceiving or defrauding another. I  can remember being told that when you cheat, you are only hurting yourself. However, the biblical description of the effects of cheating is not limited to oneself, but includes others and also refers to cheating as an abomination. (see Proverbs 11:1 and 20:10) An abomination refers to something that is repulsive, disgusting, wicked, and foul. Sadly, children learn quickly how to cheat – maybe by doing a chore half-heartedly – and there are often no consequences. Parents should be diligent and watchful for this sinful sprout and have the child return and do the job completely, which would be the logical consequence. Then, without a lecture, help the child understand that this is a form of cheating, lying, and stealing.

This whole topic is one that will warrant discussion and instruction many times over. Start with the little ones when they take a toy from another child. Provide the instruction that their actions were unkind, but also share that when someone takes something that doesn’t belong to him, God calls this stealing. Instruction can deepen as the child matures and can understand the subtleties of these concepts. Without using judgmental words or tone, parents can use third party illustrations or if someone has actually defrauded your child through one of these actions, use that situation as a teaching tool.

As in every area of our parenting, we need to pray for wisdom in how we provide instruction, using words of life to focus on the behavior we desire to see (virtue). We need to be setting the right example for our children by being honest, truthful, and content with what the Lord provides.  Usually, the Lord gives us approximately 18 years to be fully invested in the lives of our children. Focusing on developing a trusting relationship with them that grows and matures as they do is one of the best investments you will make in your lifetime. You will be touching the heart of each gift the Lord provides you with for His Kingdom’s sake.

Blessings on your journey…

 

 

Anne Marie Ezzo serves with her husband in ministering to families around the world through Growing Families International. For the past 30+ years her passion has been, and continues to be, to encourage wives and moms to practically understand what it means to “love your husband and children”.

 

 

 

 

6 Jul 2020

How Not to Be a Thief

by | posted in: Child Training, Community, Family, For Teens, Middle Years, Training | 0

How Not To Be a Thief

All of us have been victims of a thief at one time or another. Some of us remember having our lunch stolen in elementary school. Maybe you were getting ready to pull into a parking place and a car from the other side decided to make “your” spot their pull-through. Grrr. Or maybe you hurried to a meeting so you would be there on time and no one was there.

Material objects, spatial dominion, and time can all be stolen. Of these three, time is the hardest to restore. Even if you have three jars of “Thyme” in your spice rack, it does not make up for lost time!

Our culture pushes a “Relax! Chill out! Don’t be stressed!” attitude. This is great in certain situations where being late might be considered “fashionable”.  But is being late really okay? I argue that it is not. Here’s why:

Being late says that the other people are not as important as you are.

According to the principle of the preciousness of others, being on time shows that you respect the other people’s efforts to be there.  Maybe they had to take a shortcut to make it there promptly or get up earlier than usual or leave a more desired situation to meet with you on time; you do not know their context. Or perhaps this event is the highlight of their week and they could not wait to get there! Either way, by being late, you are letting everyone know the meeting should not start until you arrive, which is selfish.

Being late is a habit and habits can be changed.

I am a connoisseur of time management books, and almost all of them say to start planning tomorrow morning this evening. If being late to church is a chronic issue in your family, try getting everything (Bibles, shoes, clothes laid out) together the night before. If making it to appointments on time is a struggle, head out earlier. One author recommended adding an additional 25% to the drive time to give yourself margin. Here’s some time management math: if the drive is typically 30 minutes long, how much earlier would you need to leave to give yourself that extra 25%? About 8 minutes! Wow. That’s not much. Note: if it takes 8 hours to drive to Grandma’s house, please do not quote me and leave two hours earlier!

Being late is a form of stealing.

When I worked in the corporate world, we would estimate how long a task would take by calculating “man hours.” Let’s do a little “man hours” math here, too. If one person is five minutes late, and 5 other people are waiting on her, you just lost 25 minutes of productivity (not including the thief’s time).   That’s 25 minutes that cannot be returned.  If that same person was 15 minutes late, that equates to losing 1 hour and 15 minutes!

Although adults are often the ones with “late” problems, our children struggle with this too. How can we help them?

Teach them about the preciousness of others,

specifically addressing how to respect someone’s time. Are we showing someone we appreciate him if we continually show up late to his activities?

Work on being on time.

Here’s a fun experiment to try: tell your children they need to be in the kitchen at a specific time. Set a timer for littles who are not clock readers yet. When that time comes, whoever is in the kitchen goes out for a special treat! I’m thinking ice cream.  The first time you run this experiment, one parent will most likely get stuck at home. Make sure there’s a second time you do this ~ the entire family should be together!

Set a good example. Be the adult!

Ask your children to pray for you as you make changes in your own life. We can do all things through Christ Who gives us strength, even being on time!

Glen and Jerrine Hicks have been married 33 years and live near Sedalia, CO.  They have two adult daughters and one son-in-love.  Jerrine’s idea of a perfect day would include a pot of PG Tips tea, some dark chocolate, a Jane Austen movie, and time reading Martyn Lloyd-Jones, Jerry Bridges, Emilie Barnes or L.M. Montgomery.  She loves couchtime with her Glen.  She is an introvert.  😉  The Hickses have been involved with Growing Families since 1996.
28 Jun 2020

Correction in the Early Years

by | posted in: Child Training | 0

Is it really necessary to correct your crawler/toddler? If so, why? And what does it look like?

Ultimately, our desire for our children is that they would leave the quiver of our home and fly straight to the target that God has planned for them to hit. In order to accomplish this goal, we need to teach them to seek the kingdom of God and His righteousness first.  One way we can encourage our children from an early age to seek His kingdom first is by showing them how to make morally right choices, which will aid them in avoiding so many of the big consequences they could face later in life.

Teaching Your Crawler the Word “No” and “Make a Wise Choice”

 When you want to teach your crawler how to obey and what words mean, especially words of urgency, you have to do something that’s going to get his attention. Some pre-toddlers only need to hear a stern tone in your voice while you say, “no touch” and they will obey.  You can then follow-up with, “make a wise choice” and redirect them to something or somewhere that’s acceptable.  Other children may need a hand squeeze or other firmer forms of correction before they will submit.  Every child is different and you, as the parent, need to determine what will most effectively enlighten your child to the world of obedience and making a right choice. Do your best to not frustrate your child through inconsistency or choosing too mild of a consequence, which will blur the lines in his mind about what is the right thing to do.

Focusing on Obedience 

As parents, we are modeling God’s standards, character, and love to our children. He says in His Word, …To obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams. For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry… (1 Samuel 15:22-23). So if disobedience is rebellion, then we ought to have a sense of urgency as we cultivate the hearts of our little ones to hearken to our instructions now so they will be sensitive to the voice of God later on. Begin as you mean to go. Make sure you say what you mean and mean what you say when you instruct or correct your toddler. God describes rebellion as the sin of witchcraft, and tells us that foolishness resides in our children’s hearts. But God has given us as parents the tools we need to drive that out of them: Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him. (Proverbs 22:15). 

Where Does Correction Lead? 

When a crawler/toddler is corrected consistently, he’s being encouraged to have good judgement as he grows older. A toddler who is trained to obedience will grow into an older child who has very few incidences of getting into things he shouldn’t or going places that are off-limits or dangerous. He will become more trustworthy and therefore will be allowed more freedom as he grows in moral maturity.

In conclusion, is it necessary to correct your little one?  Yes.  Why?  So that he/she will grow into one who seeks God’s will and ways throughout his life.  How do you do that?  By starting early, being consistent, and saying what you mean and meaning what you say.  Do this, and your “arrows” will hit the bullseye!  What a great opportunity parents have to influence a soul for God’s kingdom.

Stacy Bullock is a wife and stay-at-home mother of three kids. Married to her high school sweetheart, Joshua, she couldn’t imagine a more fulfilling life. She enjoys playing the cello, horseback riding, and helping other mothers find fulfillment in making their quiver a happy and heavenly home to sharpen and ready their arrows (children) to be launched into the world to glorify God in following His calling on their lives.
24 Jun 2020

Does Your Child Buck the System?

by | posted in: Child Training | 0

Are boundaries really necessary for children? Most parents would give a resounding, YES!! How to implement those boundaries, though, can be the dilemma.

When my son was two years old, he had a habit of grabbing everything he could see and get his hands on. My son had a severe visual deficit at the time and we didn’t know it. He would stand directly in front of the television and because of his close proximity to the TV, he would also start playing with the stereo. At the time we had one of those now “old fashioned” 100 CD holders. He would open the door to that and proceed to take out every CD and toss them everywhere. We would move him back and sit him on a blanket just to have him get up again close to the TV and then the CDs would start flying everywhere. As I am writing this I am giggling to myself, but at the time it was not funny but very frustrating. My daughter, on the other hand, was a very compliant child.  We would tell her to stop a certain behavior and she would stop. Now I was dealing with a boy who was pushing every boundary I would implement. I knew this was the time to start using a wonderful tool in the Growing Kids God’s Way tool box: folding of the hands.

When we first started training him to fold his hands, my son wouldn’t do it or wouldn’t keep his hands together.  The excess freedoms he already had made him resistant to newly assigned boundaries. Most children who have tasted freedoms that don’t belong to them will buck against the system when those freedoms are taken away and boundaries are being reset. This is when we, as parents, have to understand consistency is the key when setting boundaries. So, I started wondering what I could do to get him to understand and submit to folding his hands. I have always loved the Fruit of the Spirit: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Gentleness, Faithfulness and Self-Control. So I looked over these and asked the Lord which one would apply the most to folding of the hands. I felt like He highlighted Patience to me. So instead of just telling my son to fold his hands, I would hold his hands together and say “Patient Hands”. Attaching the fruit of Patience to folding hands caused something to click not only in his head, but also in his heart. I thought, WOW!! What if I start attaching each of the fruits to boundaries?  Would that bring a better understanding? It did for both of my children. When we would go to the grocery store and my son would start reaching for whatever he could get his hands on, I would say, “Please have patient hands,” and he would fold his hands. Then I would say, “We need to be kind to all the grocery workers who work so hard to keep the shelves neat.” What a difference it made attaching each of these “fruit” or “virtues” to actions. I had friends at the time start using “patient hands” with their own children and the testimonies were amazing.

One year later when my son was 3, we had his eyes tested and found out that he had a severe visual deficit due to his prematurity. This is why he would always get up and stand close to the TV. I share this part of the story because I want all parents to understand a very important lesson that will bring a lot of peace to your life.  Even though my child had a deficit, it didn’t keep me from setting boundaries. I understood that if I gave my son complete freedom because I felt sorry for him, it would only hurt him in the future. If you are reading this and your child has any deficit of any sort, please do them a favor and set boundaries because the fruit you will reap later will be a blessing. My son is now 22 years old and he is one of the most patient people I know. I look back and think that teaching him “patient hands” when he was two had a lasting effect in his heart to this day.

Cynthia Schrock was born in Ohio but grew up on the mission field with her parents in Quito, Ecuador. She married her wonderful husband Eric in 1990. They have two adult children: Ashley and Matthew. In 2016 Cynthia completed a 13 year long journey of homeschooling. Eric and Cynthia have been involved in marriage and parenting ministry over 20 years. Cynthia is a Contact Mom, helping moms with solutions in their daily parenting struggles.  She has also authored a book on celebrating others called The Ultimate Gift of a Birthday.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 … 68