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Have you ever considered that being late is a form of stealing?

Can it get any clearer than that?  You shall not steal. (Exodus 20:15)  Sandwiched right there in between not committing adultery and not bearing false witness against your neighbor is a verse all by itself containing the commandment not to steal. I was so pleased when I saw that GFES was covering this subject in their blogs. Stealing seems like an easy topic to write on as you can simply say, “stealing is wrong” and “correcting for stealing is necessary”. I hope, though, that through the following examples your eyes will be open to the sneaky ways stealing can manifest itself in your family.

When my daughter was about 8 years old, she was playing in our backyard with a friend. They saw oranges on a neighbor’s tree. Her friend said, “Let’s pick some oranges”. So they climbed the fence to reach them and picked several. They came in with the oranges and when asked where they got them, they told me from the neighbor’s tree. I asked if they had permission from the neighbor. They said that they did not. Her friend said it was no big deal – it was only oranges. I knew then that it was time for a life lesson. So we bagged up the oranges and walked around the block to the neighbor’s house and knocked on the door. I explained to the neighbor that the girls took these oranges without permission and they would like to return the stolen oranges and ask for forgiveness for stealing them. The neighbor was very kind and understood the life lesson I was trying to teach. She thanked the girls for being honest and gave them each one orange. We walked back home and talked about the lesson they had just learned: you shall not steal, and yes, that even includes oranges from a tree that you do not have permission to pick from.  Other examples of this form of stealing would include “tasting” the grapes in the grocery store before you get to the checkout line or eating the produce at pick-your-own farms while you are still in the fields.

For years, we had friends that were notoriously late. Late to everything. Not just 15 minutes late but sometimes 2-3 hours late. This is an area of stealing that most people don’t even consider.  Stealing someone’s time is something that can never be given back. Several years into our relationship with this couple, they took our Growing Kids God’s Way class.  They were running late on a weekly basis when we got to the chapter about stealing. When they watched the video and then read the chapter, they were convicted and really began to change how late they were. It wasn’t perfect overnight but the effort was there and within a year of that lesson they were on time and even early to church and other events.

            Stealing someone else’s time is a topic that needs to be included when you are training your children in how to apply “you shall not steal”.  Stealing is not always taking an item. The word steal means to secretly carry away. When we secretly carry away someone’s time, it actually isn’t much of a secret. Our attitude toward our tardiness speaks volumes about what (and who) we value. Call if you are going to be late; it’s that simple. Timeliness can be especially hard when you have young children.  However, with a little planning and preparation on our part as parents, we can teach our children to consider the preciousness of others and their time.

Teaching our children “you shall not steal” starts first with us as parents setting a good example. We need to ask ourselves if we are guilty of stealing: time, items (even something as small as office supplies from work!), someone’s good reputation, etc. When I began to take “you shall not steal” seriously as a parent I found things in my own life that I needed to change. I then realized that I needed to keep my eyes open to where my children might be stealing from their siblings or friends.  I also considered areas where my children might be tempted to steal when it “wasn’t a big deal”. I encourage you to read Exodus 20:15 and ask the Lord if there are any areas of your life where you might be stealing from someone and to open your eyes to where your children might be stealing. Proverbs 21:2 says “Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, But the LORD weighs the hearts.” Keeping a right heart before Him especially when it comes to “you shall not steal” is a daily goal.

Here is a short video that addresses the issue of stealing.

Cynthia Schrock was born in Ohio but grew up on the mission field with her parents in Quito, Ecuador. She married her wonderful husband Eric in 1990. They have two adult children: Ashley and Matthew. In 2016 Cynthia completed a 13 year long journey of homeschooling. Eric and Cynthia have been involved in marriage and parenting ministry over 20 years. Cynthia is a Contact Mom, helping moms with solutions in their daily parenting struggles.  She has also authored a book on celebrating others called The Ultimate Gift of a Birthday.  

He drove away.  Just himself and whatever he could fit into his old two-seater car.  Did nearly 21 years pass by already?  His goodbye was sweet.  My tears were plentiful.  He is the last to go.  The house is silent.  It has been silent before but this time it is different.  This is the silence of change.  This is the silence of an ending.  I quickly text a friend, “He’s on his way.”  The words linger in my mind.  I realize this is also the silence of a beginning.  Yet, my mind replays the past.

The little boy who loved his blankie and his naps.  The boy whose adventurous spirit led him to breaking the rules, because he just wanted to have fun. The kid that climbed anything and everything and still does today.  The young man that is full of creativity even when he does not see it.   Parenting certainly is not for the faint of heart.  I feel the pain of the ending.  He feels the joy of a beginning.  How can you feel joy and sorrow at the same time?  It’s the daily life of a parent, I realize.  What will the future hold?  Where will he land?  What will he become?  Funny, I had those same questions when he was born.  The first time, I was responsible for charting the course.  Now, he is at the helm.  “He’s on his way.”  Lord, lead him always towards You…and back home every now and then.

Tricia McDonald is the wife of SGM(ret) McDonald and four adult children.  She is learning to adjust to civilian life now that her husband has retired.  She is also learning to adjust to life without homeschooling, as all of her children have graduated.  Tricia volunteers her time teaching U.S. History to local homeschooled high schoolers, and coordinating music for a local semi-professional youth theatre.  She enjoys blogging from time and time and is trying to figure out what she should be when she grows up.  She wants to encourage all the young moms to hang in there and enjoy the moments, as they will pass far more quickly than you ever thought possible.  

Tips for Parenting Children Close in Age

Part Two

In Part One of this series, we looked at four lessons I’ve learned along the way while raising my children who are 8.5 months apart.  We saw that:

• Parenting multiple children close in age doesn’t necessarily get easier, it just gets different.
• It’s important to ask for and accept help from others.
• Everything takes longer, so you need to be patient with yourself and others.
• It’s important to schedule one-on-one time with each child.

In Part Two, we’ll look at four more lessons I’ve learned along the way.

1. Accept reality. We all want the best for our kids. We want them to feel loved and connected at all times. We don’t want them to think we love the other child more. We want to protect them from too much screen time. The list goes on and on. Well, sometimes you just need to get through the day! We need to accept our reality! One of the most challenging times in the early months with my almost-twins was when I needed to breastfeed my daughter and my son was awake and mobile… and Dad was at work! We tried to organize their schedules as best as possible to avoid this, but it still happened at least once a day. I recall reaching out to Julie Young and asking, “What do I do with him?” He was 9 months old and crawling and getting into everything. Picture him reaching for the electrical cords or trying to pull over a lamp. I was still trying to figure out breastfeeding, which was not easy and did not happen naturally for us! Our son needed a way to be safe and content. He would sometimes do playpen time while I fed her but he wouldn’t always last the entire time I needed to feed my daughter. So we bought a large play area fence. And even with that, I would sometimes put on a Baby Einstein video to help move his attention away from “needing” Mom during the time I fed our daughter. This only happened about once a day, but it was hard. I never dreamed I would need to “fence” in my child or use the TV to “entertain” him at the young age of 9 months. But it was our reality for a few months! I had to lower my expectations and find a way to get through that season.

2. Remember they are at different developmental stages.One of my daily challenges is remembering that while my children are close, they are not the same age and therefore I cannot expect them do the same things. It doesn’t matter that they are in the same diaper size (woo hoo!), they can eat the same foods, they can play with the same toys/activities (for the most part), etc. They are not the same age, and during these very early years, there is so much development that happens in the span of 8.5 months. The younger one often learns to do things sooner, but that doesn’t always mean she is ready for it developmentally! Our 18-month-old wants to walk down the stairs like her 2-year brother does, but that is just an accident waiting to happen. This is also challenging when correcting their behavior and setting boundaries. It’s fair to expect my 2-year-old to comply when given instructions and to understand his consequences much more than our 18-month-old. I frequently need to remind myself that they aren’t the same age and I therefore need to have different expectations from and for them.

3. Figure out what works for your family. Every family is different. Every child is different. We all know that the comparison game is a terrible road to go down. It’s wonderful to get ideas from other parents, share milestones, and have play dates. But it is a mindful skill to not allow yourself to start comparing your parenting skills or your child’s development to others around you. For example, I work part-time from home for a non-profit. It’s something that is life-giving for me. Once our daughter was born, my husband and I decided it would be wise for me to take a 1-year sabbatical from work. We found that after a year of being home full-time with a baby and a toddler, our family was ready for a change. Together, we made the decision for our children to be in daycare part-time and for me to return to work. It was a decision that benefited us all. We found it is better for our marriage, better for me as a parent (which means it’s better for my kids) and better for my own mental/emotional state. Again, for our family, it’s what works.

4. Stand firm on your parenting values. This is a wise tip for all parents! For us, following the biblical principles found in Growing Families Life have been the best foundation we could have asked for in our parenting journey. Whenever my husband and I sit down together and watch one of the video teachings, we take away something that helps us. It’s either a practical tip like teaching our kids to fold their hands to gain self-control, an encouragement about why we do what we do, or a reminder to “begin as you mean to go.” At the end of the day, if we accomplished nothing more than following through with our parenting values which include helping our kids know Jesus better, then it’s been a successful day. And if you’re imperfect like me, we will miss the mark some days. Thankfully, the Lord’s mercies are new each morning!

Parenting children who are very close in age can be challenging sometimes but it is also a beautiful blessing that the Lord has granted us.

Daneen and her husband, Joe, call the badlands of eastern Montana home. After serving overseas in three African countries, Daneen gained a deep passion to support orphans and vulnerable children. She serves as the U.S. Administrator for Christ’s Gift Academy, which is a school for orphans in Mbita, Kenya. Daneen and her husband are foster parents and advocates for the children in foster care. When she gets time away from being “mom”, she enjoys spending quality time with her husband and hiking in the mountains…. or dreaming about relaxing on a beach!

Did you ever wonder why the Lord designed it such that a baby grows inside the mother’s womb for 40 weeks (9 months)? Of course, there is something very holy about 40 weeks. Yet I believe God might have also been thinking, “Dear child of mine, raising children is tough. So to help you a little, I’m going to space out your babies by at least 9 months.” And everyone said AMEN.

The majority of biological children born close together are between 10-12 months apart. However, like a chosen few, we were gifted children a little closer in age. My precious babies are 8.5 months apart. One joined our family through foster care and adoption and one is biological. That’s another story for another time.

Many people comment that it’s like we are raising twins. Well… kind of. Yes, we needed two car seats, two cribs, two high chairs, two baby carriers, and a whole lot of diapers!  And yes, we did quickly have them on a good feed-wake-sleep schedule to help manage our busy days. Hallelujah for Prep for Parenting!!

Yet in many ways, they are not like twins. It took many LONG months to reach a place where they were both on the same routine. Our children were not “in-sync” like many twins are. There is a lot of growth that happens within 8.5 months for little ones, so they were at different developmental stages. I found myself wanting and expecting them both to act in the same way and at the same time. Yet it’s unfair and unwise to expect my 18-month-old to obey like my 2-year-old.

Now I am far from a perfect parent. Our Father and Creator is the only perfect parent. Phew. But my Type A perfectionism (a 1 and 8 on the Enneagram for all you Millennials) creates a daily struggle for me to be okay with things not being perfect or as I’d like them to be. It is necessary for all parents to learn that things in your home may not be always perfect, whether you have 1 child or 6 children! But it is especially necessary with two so close in age. Life as you once imagined it is going to look different. And that’s okay!

Along my journey, I’ve learned a few things. I would like to say that I wish someone would have told me these things a few years ago, but I’ll be honest… I might not have listened. (An 8 on the Enneagram means I’m strong willed. Ha!)  I hope this can be an encouragement for those raising children close in age:

1. It does not get easier. It just gets different. When my children were babies, many people would try to offer encouragement that the parenting journey, especially with two who are close in age, gets easier as the kids get older. “Hang in there!” they would tell me. I have learned, though, that life just becomes different, not necessarily easier. It is true that as the children have gotten older it is a little less exhausting, but it is still hard. Let’s just accept that parenting at all ages, with one or multiple children (no matter how close in age), has its challenges. None of us deserve a higher mom medal for raising more babies.

2. Ask for and accept help.This is hard for me, but it’s essential. We do not have family who live near us. So for us, it has been even more important to ask for help and to accept the help that people offered. When our first baby was in foster care, our church and community stepped up to help us. Then, when our biological daughter came along, they kept stepping up, and I’m forever grateful. Friends brought us meals, watched the kids while my husband was working and I needed to go to an appointment, and took our dog to the groomer when I couldn’t leave the house because a baby was sleeping. It takes a village! Find your village and go on the journey together!

3. Everything takes longer. When my kids were babies, if I was leaving the house by myself with the kids, it was sometimes a 60-minute process of gathering the diaper bag, making sure it had everything we might need, preparing food or a bottle, changing diapers/clothes, getting coats and shoes on, putting them in car seats, and shuttling them to the car. Now that the kids are toddlers they can go get their shoes and coats, but still need help getting them on and help getting into their car seats. Things just take longer. This is relevant to all families with multiple children, not just those who are very close in age! We once fostered a sibling set of 4, so I get it! Before I had multiple children, I never understood why people with kids were often late!! My apologies for when I rolled my eyes at you mamas trudging into church late with your kiddos in tow!

4. Schedule individual one-on-one time. This is true for all siblings of any age difference. There have been seasons of life when we were better about this than others. For a while, there were 30 minutes each day when one child was up and the other was napping. This created a natural window for me to have one-on-one time. Recently, our youngest moved to 1 nap a day, meaning both kids nap at the same time, so it’s become a bit more challenging to have that individual time. However, it is still possible. Intentionally plan 10 or 15 minutes a day to do something special with each child. For littles, it isn’t as much about what you do as it is about focused attention. As the kids get older, we look forward to being able to go on daddy/mommy and son/daughter dates to create the space to connect individually with each child.

In part two of my blog, I’ll continue sharing 4 more important lessons I’ve learned along the way while parenting my almost-twins.

Daneen and her husband, Joe, call the badlands of eastern Montana home. After serving overseas in three African countries, Daneen gained a deep passion to support orphans and vulnerable children. She serves as the U.S. Administrator for Christ’s Gift Academy, which is a school for orphans in Mbita, Kenya. Daneen and her husband are foster parents and advocates for the children in foster care. When she gets time away from being “mom”, she enjoys spending quality time with her husband and hiking in the mountains…. or dreaming about relaxing on a beach!