15 Jan 2020

What Do You Expect?

by | posted in: Child Training, Family Identity | 0

Our culture today encourages children to be isolated, self-focused, and entitled.  In many ways, the digital age has not done any favors for parents.  What about you?  What do you expect?  Are you allowing your children to be carried away by the trends of our culture or are you actively planning for a better result?

We have been parenting intentionally (albeit imperfectly!) for 11 years using the Growing Families International parenting materials.  These curricula are based on the Biblical principles God has laid out for marriage and family.  Although no curriculum is perfect, God’s Word is perfect and we should be seeking advice which is founded on the Bible.  Anything worth doing is worth doing well – which means parenting is going to be hard sometimes.  Really hard.  However, after a decade of doing the hard things, we are beginning to see and experience the good fruit of that labor in our family.  Much of that fruit is a result of the expectations we’ve had all along for our children.  What are you expecting from your children?  Kids will rise to the level of expectation placed on them so don’t be afraid to set the bar high, Mom and Dad.  Consider the following:

Do you expect your children to spend several hours happily singing and ministering to people at a nursing home?  Start now by training them to have self-control at home, at church, in the grocery store, at school, EVERYWHERE.  This is a gift that keeps giving – self-control will serve your children now and for the rest of their lives.  Even more important, they will be a blessing to others as well.

Do you expect your children to worship through singing and comment on the sermon after Sunday morning services?  Start now by modeling.  What your kids see you do in worship will be the main way they learn to worship themselves.  Be transparent and truly enter into worship and singing.  Listen intently to the sermon and talk about what you learned afterward.  If you want your kids to think, and one day own their faith, show them how.

Do you expect your children to serve their siblings without prompting?  Start now by asking them ways that they might want to be served.  Ask them to pick one thing on that list that they can do for a sibling.  Pretty soon you’ll notice them spontaneously serving one another daily.  You’ll even catch them buying gifts for one another or pitching in a few pennies to help a sibling buy an item they’ve been saving for.

Do you expect your children to ask for ways they can clean, organize, and bless the family home on their first day of school vacation?  Start now by requiring them to be a part of completing the household tasks WITHOUT pay.  Serving the family as a team builds up a servant’s heart and empathy for people.  You won’t believe how much kids LOVE to help out.  Don’t rob them of the blessing of serving the family!

Do you expect your children to ask for ways they can earn extra money?  Start now by showing them the value of a dollar by working for a specific wage and high expectations of the level of work that is done.  Don’t hand everything to your kids, thinking that you are being loving by showering them with the latest gadgets that caught their eyes. This seems to be another trend of the current generation.   Make them work for it!  Kids need to learn that they have to work hard to earn a living.

Do you expect your kids to give their seat to an older person when they enter the room?  Start now by explaining the difference between children and adults, emphasizing that they are not peers.  Our kids should have respect for those who have earned knowledge, wisdom, and understanding through life experiences.  Respect for age is becoming a lost virtue in our culture.  Don’t let that happen in your family.  All people are made in the image of God and should be honored for that alone.  Everyone can honor their elders and it doesn’t cost a thing.

Do you expect your kids to come to you when they are teenagers and young adults with their struggles?  Start now by teaching them that God has designed parents to be in authority over children for their own good.  They will avoid so many heartaches and pitfalls by recognizing wisdom and seeking it in their parents and other trusted adults as they grow into adulthood.  They’ll also learn how to obey God by first obeying you as parents.  Once they learn to submit to your authority, they will begin to build a relationship of trust with you as well.

These are just a few examples of the things that you CAN expect from your kids.  But these things don’t happen by themselves.  Slow down and intentionally take the time to train, teach, model, and explain to your children.  By showing your kids the godly principles you want them to exemplify, you will fill your home and the world with peace, love, and blessing beyond measure.  So, what DO you expect?

Julie Bame is wife to Rich, mom to three beautiful girls, and a Contact Mom for Christian Family Heritage.  Rich and Julie are passionate to see the Kingdom come in all of life, but especially so in marriages and families.  They count it a great privilege to walk the journey of parenting with anyone who will join them.
31 Dec 2019

A Grand Vision

by | posted in: Family Identity, Training | 1

 

Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.

(Proverbs 29:18)

 

As a new parent, you probably had visions of what your little one would grow up to be or do. And one of those visions might have been that he/she would grow up to be kind, considerate, confident, and courageous. But how do you help your child become such an individual? And if you have an idea as to how, when do you start? Did you realize that your parenting method for the babyhood stage greatly impacts your child in their toddler years? And their toddler years impact their early childhood, then middle years, teen years, and ultimately as an adult? It’s important to be thinking long term in your parenting.  Here’s a grand vision of how parenting your child from day one with a purpose can pave the way for your child to have a warehouse full of moral virtues which enable him to make the right choices. Helping your child love virtue by pointing him to the Author of virtue will cultivate a desire for salvation from sin.  With thoughtful planning and a vision for our parenting, we can give our children the best gift of shepherding: a desire to contribute to God’s Kingdom by following His plan through self-sacrifice. Here’s a brief summary of what each stage of your parenting can look like.

 

  1. MARRIAGE – It all starts here. Your marriage relationship should have priority over your relationship with your children. It should be a relationship full of the love Christ has for His church. It should be the best example your kids will ever see of Christ, and should be the kind of marriage that causes them to feel secure in their home and want to fall in love like Mommy and Daddy someday.

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.  (Ephesians 5:25)

 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22)  

 

  1. BABYHOOD – Knowing that your marriage comes first and that a baby doesn’t “make” you a family, he only expands it, starts you on the right foundation in your parenting. Preparation for Parenting encourages training an infant to sleep independently. This takes time and perseverance because every baby and family is different. It isn’t meant to be a “cold turkey, cry it out, the baby can deal with it” method. By gradually implementing the training tools of parent-directed feeding and sleeping, you will begin to gently ease your baby into a healthy rhythm of eating, playing, and sleeping independently. This gives Mom and Dad the confidence that they’re meeting all of baby’s needs through the consistency of routine.

Consistency is the way most parents want to go, so if you want to be characterized as a consistent parent in the toddler years, begin with the consistency of routine in the babyhood stage. Begin as you mean to go. 

 

  1. TODDLERHOOD – Once you’ve come out of the babyhood stage with consistent healthy eating and sleeping patterns, the ground work has been laid for your toddler to obey your instructions. Because of your previous work, you won’t have a child who’s frustrated and confused from being allowed to dictate his day when it came to naps and meals. Instead your toddler will easily accept Mom’s management of his day and naptime, mealtime, and play time melt downs will be almost non-existent.

Goals for this stage of parenting include training your toddler/preschooler to obey the first time, the whole time, and when you’re not looking.  As they continue to mature, you will give them the moral reason “why” you have certain rules and boundaries so that soon, they can make the right choice with confidence.

Confidence is also strengthened through family identity, another important aspect of raising a secure child. Practically, this shows itself through taking time to talk about your family, how you love God, each other, and others. Strengthen your family identity by talking about your family name, why your family is so amazing, and how God put you all together.

Even a child is known by his doings, whether his work be pure, and whether it be right. (Proverbs 20:11) 

 

  1. CHILDHOOD – Boundaries slowly begin to expand and your children can tell you the reason why they should, or shouldn’t, do something. They now are able to do the right thing when no one is looking, and are beginning to love doing right because Mom and Dad have filled their moral warehouses with virtues and the Biblical reasons why we do right and pointed them towards Jesus through devotional living. The soil of your child’s heart has been thoroughly cultivated to receive the Gospel.

 

And ye shall teach them to your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down,

and when thou risest up. (Deuteronomy 11:19)

 

  1. THE TEEN YEARS – Friendship with your child begins to blossom and comes to fruition at the end of this stage. By this time (if you’ve done a thorough job creating a strong family identity), it is their loyalty to their family, their relationship with Christ, and a heart overflowing with virtue that allows you to lead by relational influence rather than rules. Trust is given and received, communication is strong, and understanding is abundant. Your teens will not only do the right thing when you’re not around but they’ll be a joy and blessing to others by ministering to those around them and will look for opportunities to put others first.

 

The integrity of the upright shall guide them: (Proverbs 11:3) 

 

  1. ADULTHOOD – At last, your child is grown and blossomed into a confident individual capable of making decisions based on Biblical principles. He has a great friendship with his parents and feels empowered to live and love courageously for the Kingdom of God, and to bring up his own children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. (Eph 6:4)

 

The just man walketh in his integrity: his children are blessed after him. (Proverbs 20:7)

 

Do you have a grand vision for your parenting?  Where are you in the process?

 

 

Stacy Bullock is a wife and stay-at-home mother of three kids. Married to her high school sweetheart, Joshua, she couldn’t imagine a more fulfilling life. She enjoys playing the cello, horseback riding, and helping other mothers find fulfillment in making their quiver a happy and heavenly home to sharpen and ready their arrows (children) to be launched into the world to glorify God in following His calling on their lives.

 

28 Dec 2019

Begin As You Mean To Go

by | posted in: Child Training, Family Identity | 0

 

If only there were a GPS for parenting with turn by turn directions.  Want a teachable moment with your teenager?  Turn here.  Your toddler throws a fit?  Re-routing available.

 

I’m so glad my husband and I found the Growing Families.Life materials before our first child was born.  We listened to audio cassette tapes of Preparation for Parenting while sitting in the room all prepped for his arrival. Soon after, we attended a Growing Kids God’s Way class led by some friends of ours.  Because we took that class when our oldest was still a baby, much of it was beyond our current stage of parenting.  But it gave us a vision.  A plan.  A destination, if you will.  A goal of what we desired for our marriage and our growing family.

 

These courses, along with the Parenting from the Tree of Life series, provide Biblical wisdom in your parenting and suggest many for practical applications.  They helped us chart our parenting path from the beginning.

 

Does life always go as we plan?  No. But with God’s grace, we press on and continue the journey set before us.

 

“Begin as you mean to go” is more than a catch-phrase.  It’s a reminder to:

  • be present in the midst of a busy day
  • be intentional in charting your course
  • be prepared by taking classes and reading books
  • be proactive by not waiting for things to escalate before dealing with them
  • be mindful in the little moments
  • be prayerful to do all things for His glory

 

 

“Begin as you mean to go” reminds us that our short term decisions have long-term results. It helps us reach our desired destination, much like a GPS.

 

Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.  Proverbs 22:6 (NIV)

 

 

Bethany Mounts and her husband, Brian live in the Charleston, SC area with their three sons. They lead classes together and Bethany serves on the board for Christian Family Heritage in addition to being a Contact Mom.

 

 

22 Dec 2019

Joyous Holidays

by | posted in: Community, Family | 0

Have you ever noticed how the holiday season seems to come around just a little bit sooner than the year before?  While it is a time for family and friends, a time to continue tradition plus make new memories, a time for laughter, and a time to sit by the fire with a good book, it is also time to work, work and work!  So often the holiday season is exactly that – a lot of work.  As a result, somewhere along the way in all the preparation for the season, we lose our desired perspective (making the holiday joyous).  The following suggestions may help each of us to keep that “joyous” outlook throughout the holidays.

J  Jesus – Continue daily time in God’s Word and  prayer.  Everyone’s day (despite trials that will come) will go better when it is committed to our Heavenly Father.

O  Organize – Organize your time.  Decide what you want to do this holiday season and begin formulating a plan to accomplish it.  Be realistic, especially moms with young children.

Y  Yield Fruit – This is the season of love, joy, peace.  Pray for God’s strength in exhibiting the Fruit of the Spirit.

O  Omit – This is part of organizing and being realistic.  No matter where you are in your planning for the holidays, see what can be omitted from the schedule or your “grand plan” for this season.

U  Unselfish – It is hard to think that we can become selfish during the season designed for sharing and giving, yet it is possible.  Pray for an attitude that remembers the preciousness of others and not thinking more highly of yourself than you ought.

S  Simplify – What can be done ahead of time?  We often make things more complicated than necessary.  Remember, we don’t have to duplicate every beautiful idea from Pinterest.

H  Hugs – Who couldn’t use one?  A hug costs nothing but gives much.  It enriches those who receive it without making poorer those who give.  It is blessed to give and receive a hug!

O  Others – Sometimes we become so busy in doing for the “sake of others” that we forget to minister to them.

L  Listen – Listen to your children.  It is often easier to “just do it myself”. But children often have some good, simple ideas, so remember to listen to them.  After all, this is a time of year that they look forward to and want to contribute to in some way or another.  Maybe this will be the year to give up the perfect looking Christmas tree and let the children decorate it —— yes, even with paper chains!

I  Instruction – With the busyness of the season, it is easy to allow the instruction of our children to be placed on the back burner.  Those “precious gifts” are still in need of training and consistency, even during this busy time of year.

D  Diligence – Teach our children the importance of diligence with all the fun preparation that needs to be done, so everyone can enjoy the holidays.

A  Amiable – Stress is high.  Make it a goal to be that friendly face out in the crowded shopping centers by offering a smile and a word of encouragement.

Y  Years – These are years to be cherished.  Avoid robing both yourself and the children of the preciousness of this time by becoming overwhelmed with insignificant matters.

S  Slow Down – We live in a fast-paced society.  It is time to slow down, take a deep breath, and enjoy the holiday season.

From the Board of Christian Family Heritage… we wish you a Blessed and Merry Christmas!

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