Taking Words of Life to a Whole New Level

In Parenting from the Tree of Life, Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo introduced us to the concept of using words of life in our parenting. We were encouraged to use words that edify, cause growth, and encourage life rather than words that corrupt, tear down, and cause death. Choosing to focus on the virtue rather than the vice in our correction might look like this: “See how carefully you can carry the plate of food” instead of “Don’t drop it!” In our daily activities, words of life can fall into three areas:

Words of Instruction
Words of Encouragement
Redemptive words

As with other areas of life, it is easy to fall into a rut about how we apply these parenting principles. When our children are young, we spend a lot of time at the instructional level. We can get comfortable there, constantly telling our kids what to do and feeling good about giving the reason why. It is tempting to keep giving a lot of instruction with some encouragement thrown in for good measure.

Instruction and Encouragement can be done with or without “God-depth”. How can we take those words of life to a whole new level and add in that “God-depth”?

More thinking is required to add the “moral reason why” to an instruction rather than just giving the practical reason. Providing the “moral reason why” speaks to the heart issue behind the action and strengthens character formation. As your children grow older, ask them what the biblical principle is that relates to their behavior instead of just giving it to them. We want that knowledge and understanding to lead to wisdom as they gain more independence.
Encouragement can be as simple as an affirming “Great job!” or (one step better) “Great attitude!” Focusing on the attitude or character quality is excellent but to really add “God-depth”, use words linked to their identity in Christ. Take time to emphasize what you see as proof of your child being created in His image and for a purpose. Encouragement should strengthen their God-worth more than their self-worth.

In the long term, even with “God-depth”, words of instruction and encouragement will lose their power without redemptive words.

Redemptive words of life emphasize your child’s need for a Savior and his part in God’s story. Asking Jesus into his heart is only the beginning for your child. The tricky part follows, as he learns to walk in the Truth and listen to the guidance of the Holy Spirit. This is just as true for us as parents as it will be for your children.

Using words of life in our home has transformed our family. One of the sayings in our home for many years has been, “I love you! God loves you more!” Intentionally bringing “God-depth” into our speech has brought the focus where it needs to be. In the last few years “It’s all about Jesus” has taken on a whole new meaning as we have stepped out in faith to move across the world, leaving one adult child behind. The profound truths in these statements have been fleshed out over years of conversations and experiences. Here are a few tips for adding “God- depth” to your words of life:

Spend time in the Word and in prayer. One of the best ways to ensure you will share God’s truths with your children is to have them in your heart first.
Make going to a Bible study or prayer group a priority (I know this is tough with young ones but you REALLY need it!). Foster “God-depth” in your friendships with other like-minded mothers. Feed your spirit so it overflows and spreads to those closest to you.
Talk about your faith with your husband during couch time (in your children’s hearing) and with your children at the dinner table, as you take walks, and as you tuck them into bed at night. “I wonder what God has in store for you” “God gave you such a special set of gifts, it will be wonderful to see how he brings that all together for you.”

Our children are now ages 16-23 and the reality of all those conversations and prayers is right before our eyes in the life choices they are making each day. Are you ready to take your words of life to a whole new level?

Linda and Jeff Gage have four children, ages 16 to 23. They have lived in New Zealand and Missouri and are now living in the heat and dust of Riverside, California. Jeff is a Professor of Nursing. Linda is transitioning from homeschool teacher back to nursing, working with new mothers and babies. They have used GFI principles in their own family from the birth of their first child and have mentored many families over the years through teaching classes and providing Contact Mom support. They are now also using the principles to support young and at-risk parents.