19 Feb 2020

Couch Time on the Road

by | posted in: Marriage | 0

Sometimes I feel so old. Take technology for instance. When my husband and I were young parents, we had a cell phone. Yes, one. It made phone calls and that was it! It weighed about five pounds and took up a third of my purse.

Fast forward to today. We maxed out our “family plan” with smartphones for everyone. We can text each other, email each other, Skype, and even Marco Polo! There are so many ways to stay in touch now.

Back when my husband and I had the cell phone, he traveled. He traveled a lot. We had just been introduced to Growing Kids and the concept of couch time. To this introvert with quality time and words of encouragement high on her love language list, couch time was my dream way to connect with my precious hubby on a daily basis! We were getting good at couch time, and then he went on a trip. Sigh. With no caller ID, whenever the phone rang my heart raced, hoping it was him! And when it was, we went into “couch time on the road” mode. I positioned a picture of my husband close by. Our little girl had special toys for the occasion. She also got to say “hi” to her daddy. The purpose of the phone call was for Mommy and Daddy to talk. Those spontaneous calls were the boost my temporarily single mom’s heart needed!

With today’s technology, couch time when one spouse is away is so much different! Here are a few things I would do if this was my season with little ones and my husband traveled:

  • Before your spouse leaves, talk about your “couch time on the road” expectations. Do you expect a daily call? At a certain time? Do you have a limited amount of time to talk or will you be able to talk with each child for a few minutes? Is Skype or FaceTime your preferred way to connect?
  • Find a favorite picture of your spouse and set it near your “couch.”
  • Create a basket of special toys, books, and activities for your children.
  • Before the call, write down three positive things you want to tell your spouse. “The washer didn’t overflow much” is not the kind of thing I am thinking of! Did one of the children show a special kindness? Did someone bless your family with an act of service?
  • Remind the children that this is Mommy and Daddy’s special time to talk, just like when both Mommy and Daddy are home.
  • Take a moment to pray when you are having your “couch time on the road.” Genesis 31:49 is a sweet prayer for couples when they are apart.

I am so thankful there are many ways today’s couples can stay in touch! Find out what works best for you. It might take a trip or two! And it might be different whether it is Mommy who is travelling or Daddy. The point is to keep that special loving bond of communication going.

Keep your husband/wife relationship a priority, even when one of you is away from home!

Glen and Jerrine Hicks have been married 33 years and live near Sedalia, CO.  They have two adult daughters and one son-in-love.  Jerrine’s idea of a perfect day would include a pot of PG Tips tea, some dark chocolate, a Jane Austen movie, and time reading Martyn Lloyd-Jones, Jerry Bridges, Emilie Barnes or L.M. Montgomery.  She loves couchtime with her Glen.  She is an introvert.  😉  The Hickses have been involved with Growing Families since 1996.
12 Feb 2020

Couch Time

by | posted in: Marriage, Routine | 0

How Something So Simple Can Affect Your Child So Profoundly

Parenting hacks. Do you know of any? We wish that there was an easy, quick fix to so many of the struggles of parenthood. Parenting is a lot of hard work!  Fortunately, there are a few things that, when done consistently, can yield fruit in the lives of your children that will literally blow your mind. One of these things is called Couch Time.  Couch time is 10-15 minutes set aside each day when you and your spouse sit together, uninterrupted, in front of the kids, and talk, touch, and laugh together. The purpose of couch time is to concretely demonstrate to your children the priority you place on your marriage relationship.

Here are 5 areas that will be greatly impacted in your home if you implement this simple, yet so important, parenting tool.

  1. Your Marriage

Making an intentional effort each day to make your marriage a priority will greatly benefit your relationship with your spouse. Take the time to put down your phones and look each other in the eye, put your arms around each other or hold hands, and remember that you are important to each other. As a mom who’s constantly meeting demands of my family every day, I start to feel unnoticed or unappreciated.  It means the world to me for my husband to take some time to talk with me as an adult and an individual, to make me a priority in front of the kids. And dads need to take the initiative of making sure the kids aren’t interrupting. It affects kids in a special way for them to see that Daddy makes Mommy a priority and his authority in this area brings security to the children.

  1. Your Kids’ Security

What goes through a child’s mind when you “push them away” for Couch Time? Probably not what you think. You may see disappointment, pouting, and sadness at first, but take a closer look after you’ve been sitting together for 10 minutes.  You’ll likely see that your kids are watching you between playing with toys or coloring. Their faces will be relaxed and their eyes will have a little gleam. That’s because in their little worlds, Mommy and Daddy are putting the glue on all the cracks of doubt in their minds about whether they love each other. Everything is okay in their world now and their confidence in their family skyrockets.

  1. Your Kids’ Physical Well-Being

Did you know couch time can even affect a 6-month-old? I was having a hard time getting my 6-month-old son to sleep through the night or through any of his naps. I was on the phone with my Mom one day and told her about it. Then my Dad asked from the background how Couch Time was going. I realized that we hadn’t made it a priority lately and immediately set out to fix that. Within a few days, my son’s sleep issues were solved and his little baby eyes were all lit up when my husband and I were showing each other affection in front of him.

Couch Time can help your kids sleep better which improves their overall quality of life and their learning capabilities. When you, as parents, eliminate the worry from your child’s mind about how Mom and Dad are doing, you’re boosting your child’s ability to thrive as an individual.

  1. Your Kids’ Emotional Health

Please don’t rob your children of seeing the love you have for one another. What an amazing gift you have the power to give! If yelling and fighting in front of a child can do immense emotional damage (and it does!) think what the opposite can do. Demonstrating a loving marriage relationship can give your children emotional stability in who they are and where they fit in your family. If your kids aren’t seeing a tangible example of your love relationship, their family identity will begin to crumble and they will look elsewhere for their sense of belonging.

  1. Your Kids’ Spiritual Life

Did you know that your marriage is the first example your kids will see of God’s love? By God’s design, your marriage is meant to be the most beautiful, earthly parallel to Christ’s love for His Bride, the church. Your kids, without realizing it, will begin to form their opinions of God by watching the two of you. My parents were the best at Couch Time. They never fought in front of us kids but instead were always showing affection. My dad was always reminding us that he loved my mom the most. I can say that that alone gave me so much confidence in my Savior, because they showed His love to me in such a tangible way that I have never struggled with fears of abandonment or questioned the reality of His Love. All because of a little thing called Couch Time.

So while there might not be many parenting hacks, Couch Time is an easy way to profoundly impact the life of your children.  When will you have Couch Time today?

Stacy Bullock is a wife and stay-at-home mother of three kids. Married to her high school sweetheart, Joshua, she couldn’t imagine a more fulfilling life. She enjoys playing the cello, horseback riding, and helping other mothers find fulfillment in making their quiver a happy and heavenly home to sharpen and ready their arrows (children) to be launched into the world to glorify God in following His calling on their lives.
8 Feb 2020

Words of Life, Part Two

by | posted in: Family | 0

Life-giving Labels

When the extraordinary trials of life come and we feel like the ship could sink, encouragement is vital.  Sometimes words of life can be the life preserver that can help carry us through the darkest times.

When our daughter Melody was born she was immediately labeled, “incompatible with life”.  It is a dehumanizing term that can carry with it significant lethal consequences.  She was sent home on hospice with no hope given for our little girl.  We were told by everyone in the medical community that she would die.  Everyone, that is, except Dr. S.  When Melody came home from the hospital we took her to a family practice doctor.  Dr. S. looked Melody over, was taken with how cute she was and was not afraid to express it.  He used her name (thereby infusing humanity back into a dehumanizing label).  Then he looked me in the eye and assessed, “You never know, she just might be one of the survivors.”  I thought to myself, either he does not understand what Trisomy 18 is or that was from the Lord.  To this day, seven years later, I still well up with tears when I think about that.  What was so powerful about his pronouncement?  He was the first and only one in the medical community to speak words of life about our little girl.

The importance of using words of life is not limited to children who are labeled with a genetic issue.  We live in a culture that speaks words of death to children in an unprecedented way.  It is everywhere.  We need to be like Dr. S. and pour into their lives words of life and watch them grow into all that God intends for them.

One evening in our Tree of Life class we were watching the video in which Gary discusses the power of names we use for our children.  We had a mom and dad in the class who had both been raised with the GKGW principles.  Christy, the oldest daughter of nine children, shared about how her dad referred to her as his “effervescent one”.  Her dad went to be with the Lord when she was 28 years old.  The look in her eyes as she recalled this memory spoke volumes.  Clearly it carried significance for her that shaped who she became.  Her husband noted affectionately, “She is still effervescent.”

Being one of the older ones in her family of nine children, Christy did much serving to help with her younger siblings.  Yet, she genuinely expressed that she did not mind it at all because her dad validated what she was doing with his gratitude.

Christy’s husband Matthew, one of eight children, was called “H.W.” by his father because his dad observed that he was a hard worker.  Notes would show up from his dad expressing how proud he was of Matthew.  That encouraged Matthew to grow into all that God had for him.  He started working part-time at a company when he was 14 years old.  He is still with this company and very successful at what he does.  He is diligent in his work and with his family life.  He has indeed lived up to his name.

We heard a story from a family with seven children who learned an invaluable lesson on the power of words of life.  There was a season in their family where they took in a cousin who was six years old.  He was a challenging child and was a trial to their youngest son in particular.  At one point the dad told his son that when he got home from work each evening he wanted to hear one positive report about this young boy.  The son was reluctant and at first could not come up with anything.  The father persisted.  Then the son started to see little things and praised the cousin for those things in front of the whole family.  The cousin’s whole demeanor would change when he was praised.  He received the words of life and rose to the higher ground. These two boys became close friends and this exercise in speaking words of life significantly shaped who both young men became.

We never know what life holds.  We had no idea when our children were little that Melody would enter the scene of our family one day.  Reflecting back we can see how the principles in GKGW helped prepare us for what lie ahead.  Sometimes the deep stresses of life can bring separation and distance in families.  By the mercy and grace of God, we have only grown closer as a family since Melody has joined us.  We are thankful that prior to Melody coming along we had established some of the principles we learned in GKGW like elevating the good, filling our children’s moral warehouse, getting to their hearts, etc.

We live in a highly distractible world.  It is easy to let the distractions lure us away from investing in our children’s hearts.  I encourage all moms to take the high road, to be diligent in applying Biblical principles, to invest in your children’s hearts, to give them the time and focused attention they crave, to encourage them, to disciple them, and to speak words of life.  You will never regret making them a priority.

Jennifer Thenhaus has been married to Andrew for 22 years. They have five wonderful children ranging in age from twenty years old down to seven. They started teaching classes 18 years ago. Jennifer organized and hosted a Mom2Mom group for ten years. When her fifth child, Melody, was born with Trisomy 18 she had to take three years off from classes and Mom2Mom. She has been back in the ministry for a few years with the added perspective of having little Melody.  Read more of Melody’s story at www.Melodysstory.com 
5 Feb 2020

Words of Life, Part One

by | posted in: Family | 0

Gratitude Infuses Life with Joy

Words of life are powerful.  This is part one of a two-part blog on the practical ways to speak life to your family.

I was talking with a lady named Teri who, along with her husband, writes books and speaks to parents all across the country, ministering to countless families. I was sharing with her about our youngest daughter Melody who has Trisomy 18.  I happen to note that our children do not resent her, but rather love her dearly and serve her so cheerfully.  Immediately she responded, “You all must be ones who express gratitude to your children, and not criticism.”

Although I had not thought much about it before speaking with Teri, by the grace of God He had infused into our home a spirit of gratitude.  Afterward, I thought more purposefully about gratitude.  Gratitude is a powerful gift.  It is motivating, encouraging, and can infuse life with joy.

We love our little Melody, and we are deeply grateful for her sweet and precious life.  We thank the Lord for the gift of each day we have with her.  We are honored to have Melody as part of our family, but it certainly has not been without its challenges. Melody was sent home on hospice when she was born, and we had countless dicey moments with her for the first few years of her life. She is stronger and healthier now, but her life still involves an inordinate number of daily mundane tasks.  It requires dying to self, moment by moment, and serving continually.  Melody is non-verbal so she cannot thank us with words, just with her sweet and charming smile. When we have a spirit of gratitude in our home it can renew our spirits like almost nothing else and infuse joy into the mundane.

One tool that helped us establish the spirit of gratitude in our home was utilizing character pockets. It is a practical way to make words of life a way of life. I created a character pocket for each child.  I made cards with names of character qualities and Scripture to go with each one.  Throughout the day I would note the ways in which the Lord gave each child the grace to demonstrate certain character qualities. When my husband would come home in the evening I would share with him the character pockets and talk about each child and the qualities they had demonstrated that day.  It was always specific, honest, and focused on character (as opposed to skill).  It was never flattery.

One time my daughter Andrea, who was four years old at the time, walked past me after I had changed her sister’s diaper.  She took initiative to pick up the diaper and throw it away.  I put the character quality of initiative in her pocket and shared with her daddy what she had done.  She was clearly blessed by that acknowledgement.  Incidentally, I don’t think I had to throw a diaper away for the next six months – my little helper was always at my side taking initiative.

Another time we were at the table eating when my oldest daughter Hannah, age six at the time, thanked me for lunch.  I put the character quality of gratitude in her character pocket.  She sincerely thanked me consistently for meals after that.  She modeled it so well that the other children began to do the same.  Now about fourteen years later we all still consistently thank the ones who helped prepare the meal.

Utilizing this tool has helped me to grow in the grace of genuine praise for my children, or “elevating the good”, as was encouraged in GKGW.  It became part of our daily routine.  I am still in the habit of encouraging my children in the evenings when we do family devotions.  I do not use character pockets anymore because our children are older, yet it seems to be quite natural to thank them for the things they have done to demonstrate the character of Christ.

I am thankful that we had established character pockets before Melody came along, as that helped set a foundation and a tone in our home of genuine gratitude and praise (i.e. speaking words of life).

Part two of this blog will focus on how you can use words of life as labels for your children, rather than the ‘labels’ the world would use.

Jennifer Thenhaus has been married to Andrew for 22 years. They have five wonderful children ranging in age from twenty years old down to seven. They started teaching classes 18 years ago. Jennifer organized and hosted a Mom2Mom group for ten years. When her fifth child, Melody, was born with Trisomy 18 she had to take three years off from classes and Mom2Mom. She has been back in the ministry for a few years with the added perspective of having little Melody.  Read more of Melody’s story at www.Melodysstory.com 
1 … 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 … 68