Did you dream last week? And I mean DREEEEEAAAAAM? Big, huge, ginormous, God-sized dreams for your children? Did you dream about what their hearts will look like? What their character will look like? What experiences they will have in life? Will they know which fork to use at a fancy restaurant? Will they have a heart for the lost? Compassion for the suffering? Will they know how to change a flat tire? Spend wisely? Give generously? As Rich and I dream and imagine each of our children leaving the nest for their next destination in life, we have thought a lot about what they will look like when they move on. And I don’t mean how tall they’ll be or how they’ll style their hair. Instead, what will they look like on the inside? We want to get somewhere on purpose; we have a destination in mind for each of our children. But getting there isn’t going to happen overnight. And it’s not going to happen unless we have a vision that we work hard to implement.
Each year Rich and I try to steal away for a vision planning retreat. Sometimes that’s a weekend in a bed and breakfast downtown and sometimes it’s a few hours at a local coffee shop. Time and finances tend to be the determining factors. Location isn’t important. What is important is that we set aside time to plan. Good intentions don’t get us anywhere. Packing is easy; we take a Bible, our vision journal and any notes we’ve been jotting down during the year. Then we use a 3-step process to vision plan.
First, we pray. In Philippians 4:6-7 we are told, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” We want God’s heart for our children. His vision. His plan. “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” Proverbs 29:18
Secondly, we write down the goals we have for each of our children in the vision journal. Each child has their own section, although there is also a shared section where we write down common long-range goals for all of them. This section is being added to every year. These goals are spiritual in nature, as well as physical and intellectual. I’m not going to share our entire list as I want you and your spouse to dream and plan and seek God together, but I will share a few of our long range goals for each child to give you a jump start:
To know and love Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior and to be growing in their relationship with Him
To have a close relationship with their siblings and with Rich and me
To have excellent table manners
To have excellent communication skills
To be able to manage money wisely and not incur debt
To have compassion for the suffering
Purity in heart and mind and body
We also write down shorter-range spiritual, emotional, intellectual, and physical goals. These are often yearly goals that we’ll look back on at our planning retreat the following year to assess if they were accomplished. As we plan for each child, we think about areas in their character that may have frustrated us over the past year. Then we turn that around into a life-giving goal. For example, for the child who has been caught telling untruths, we will focus on making truth telling a priority for him this year. Or for the child with the messy room, we’ll focus on learning orderliness. Some other examples of short-term goals could include:
For a 6 month old: Learn to crawl and then walk in the next year.
For a 2 year old: To be potty trained
For a 5 year old: To learn to swim, to be able to sit through a church service quietly
For an 8 year old: to take ownership of their daily devotion time, learn to play piano
For a 12 year old: to find ways to serve the neighbors and do this monthly, to run a 5K race, to teach her younger sibling a skill, to learn to mow the lawn
For a 15 year old: to obtain his driving permit and learn to drive, to find a summer job, to read the entire Bible
As we look back on the short-range goals we set last year, we assess how they did in reaching each goal. Did the child reach each goal? If so, we pat each other on the back, fist bump and celebrate! If they didn’t, why not? Was it a good goal and they just need more time, more help? Do we need to change the goal? Or throw it out altogether (what were we thinking?) It’s OK to not reach a goal. Assess and, if necessary, try again. I had a hard time with this at first. I didn’t want to set goals because the perfectionist part of me was worried about not being perfect and being able to check off each goal as completed. My easy-going, but very goal-oriented husband, shrugged and said, “So we try again.” I love that man.
And finally, we make plans for how we are going to help our children reach each goal. Here we get specific. If we want them to have compassion for the suffering, what will we do to aid them in that goal? Some examples may be: care for a sibling when she is sick, take a meal to a neighbor whose child is in the hospital, serve a meal monthly at the homeless shelter downtown, go on a short-term missions trip to a developing country while in high school. Be specific. Do you want your children to have a close relationship with each other and with you? How will that happen? We have a long list of things we are doing on purpose to deepen our relationship with each other, but one way is by making family dinners a priority. We chose a number as a goal of how many meals we will share together as a family each week and we try to hit that goal each week. We’re not legalistic, but if we don’t start somewhere, we’ll never get anywhere.
These specific goals with specific plans to meet each goal are the roadmap we use as we make decisions about our family. Are all the other kids in our community signing up for soccer this season? Let’s pull out the roadmap we’ve put together for our family. Will soccer keep us on the road? Is it a small detour we can afford to take on the way to our destination? Or is it one that will take us completely out of our way, and therefore, we should pass on it? All of these decisions can be made systematically and logically when we know where we are going and how we are going to get there. Yes, plans will change. We’ve rerouted and re-planned and re-goaled (is that a word?) many times throughout the years. That’s ok. Be flexible, but always be on purpose. And remember, have fun with your kids on the journey. In fact, make that a goal. “Have fun with our kids each and every day.” Now that’s a fun goal to think about!
I love being a mom! Sometimes, however, this calling can be really hard. When the children are young, being a mom is exhausting because we are needed for everything. Then when they are teens….the difficulties become the emotional and mental demands of the relationship which are often even more difficult than the physical demands had been when they were younger. But, for me, perhaps the toughest thing about being a mom is how it challenges me spiritually. I think God uses our children to help mold us and refine us. Often times I don’t like what I see in my own life or hear in my own voice, and I know that I need to work on these areas before I can train my children. I want to be a spiritual mother with an eye fixed on heaven…bringing glory to God (making Him bigger) in all that I do with my children. The following list is my prayer for my own life.
NURTURER: I want to be a mother who nurtures her children in the admonishment of the Lord. (Psalm 22:27) To be a mom who teaches her children about God constantly. From sun up to sun down, every moment is a chance to give God glory!
PRAY-ER: I want to be a mother who prays unceasingly for her children. (I Thess. 5:16-18) A mother who daily prays over her children for protection, wisdom, love, and self-control.
PEACE-CULTIVATOR: I want to be a mother who releases the aroma of Christ. (2 Corinthians 2:15) The home should be a place where sweet peace is cultivated.
WISDOM-SEEKER: I want to be a mother who listens intently for God’s wisdom and direction for her family. (John 10:27) Such a mother hears God speak to her heart through His Word as she leads her children toward a personal faith.
WATCH-KEEPER: I want to be a mother who keeps watch over her household. (Proverbs 31:27) To be a mother who keeps a close eye on the spiritual, emotional, and physical needs of her children.
FORGIVER: I want to be a mother who refuses to harbor bitterness or anger. (Ephesians 4:31) People (even children) will disappoint and cause strife. So I need to be a mom who is careful to guard her own heart and who gets rid of anything that would build a wall between her and Jesus (and those around her). Asking for forgiveness is key!
JOY-RADIATOR : I want to be a mother who radiates the joy of the Lord on her face. (Proverbs 15:13) This is a mom who encourages those around her and gives hope to the hurting. Such an attitude of joy is contagious!
SPEAKER OF LIFE: I want to be a mother who speaks the truth in love without being sarcastic or rude. (Ephesians 4:15) This mother is careful about her choice of words so that those around her are encouraged in the Lord. She speaks words of life and not death.
RENEWER: I want to be a mother who digs deep within for a spiritual renewal every day. (2 Corinthians 4:16) To be a mom who feeds herself on God’s Word, so that she’s ready to share the Good News with those God places in her path – namely her children!
These are the tough things God calls us to. Thankfully God gives us his Holy Spirit to give us what we need each day as we trust in Him. Blessings Moms as you seek after Him!
Have you ever planned a road trip with your family? You know, where everyone piles into the van, backpacks loaded with games and books, lots of loud sing-a-long music playing, and suitcases precariously strapped to the rooftop? What was your destination? A state park for a weekend of camping? The grandparents’ house? Or perhaps a city full of sights to see and explore? We have had a few exciting journeys with our children over the years and they always seem to involve quite a bit of planning. As my husband, Rich, and I pore over the atlas, we map out the route we will take, looking to see if there are any adventures to be had on the way to the final destination. When possible, we like to make the journey exciting as we make our way to the final destination. On several occasions we’ve been tempted by spur-of-the-moment enticing detours, and we always have to evaluate if these diversions will hinder us from reaching our final destination or if it’s a good time for a small reroute. An exciting, adventure-filled journey makes for good memories and excellent Facebook posts, but if we never make it to the end goal then a lot of disappointment will assuredly ensue.
Years ago, Rich and I agreed to drive an RV from Charleston, SC to Los Angeles, CA to deliver to some friends arriving at LAX from overseas. We had a 48-hour window to make the 2500-mile trek, which didn’t allow for much diversion from the route we laid out. It took a lot of self-control to stay on the highway when exits pointing to the Petrified National Forest or the Grand Canyon seemed to give a siren call that we had to willfully ignore. While those stops promised fun, beauty and adventure, we’d have had some mighty disappointed friends sitting on the curb at LAX wondering what became of us had we taken those detours. We would have missed our destination.
Our life is a journey and every journey has a destination. To reach a final destination takes vision. Andy Stanley in his book, Visioneering, says, “Vision is a preferred future. A destination.” Do we have a vision for the journey we are on as we raise our children? What is the preferred future for our children? If we want our children to end up somewhere on purpose then we need a vision of what that will look like and we need to have a plan to implement that vision. A vision without a plan is simply a dream. Dreams are nice, but they don’t necessarily transport us to where we want to go.
Next week I’ll share how we came up with a vision for raising our children, what we’ve done to implement it, and how you can implement a vision, too. Until then, if you don’t have a vision for your children, start dreaming. When your children leave your home one day… (yes, moms, it will happen someday. Prepare yourself. Our eldest just turned 18 and will be leaving for college in a few months. Wait, what?) When they leave home, what will they have accomplished? What will their character look like? What will be in their moral warehouse? What places will they have visited? What knowledge will be in their brains? What experiences will they have had in life? Dream big and PRAY bigger. Grab a sticky note, a used envelope, or the backside of your grocery list and start jotting down these dreams. Make lists. God has a God-sized vision for your children and He has chosen YOU to guide, direct, teach, and train them. It’s a huge responsibility, but one that will be an exciting journey as you make the odyssey towards the destination.
