22 May 2017

Are Super Heroes Good or Bad?

by | posted in: Adventure, Dads, Mom, Moral Training | 0

superheroes

 

Let’s face it, Mom and Dad.  Superheroes are just plain fun.  They fly, they run, they stop bullets.  What kid does not like pretending they are invincible?  As parents, we are sometimes left wondering, “Are superheroes good or bad?”  Here are four reasons to consider allowing superheroes to be a part of your child’s life.

Imagination

“Grandma, do you think Superman could get one of those fluffy clouds for me?”  This was the question my seven-year-old daughter asked my mother one day while riding in the car and gazing up at the sky.  This question adequately represents my daughter’s imagination, which was partially fed by having superheroes in her life.  Growing up, she was exposed to Superman cartoons, Larry-Boy, Buzz Lightyear, Super Friends, and the Justice League, and she loved every single one of them.  My kids regularly tied big blankets around their necks and pretended they were flying or running at the speed of light.  As they grew older, they would make superhero costumes for themselves and the dog.  When my daughter was a teenager, she spent a couple of hours painting a Batman mask on her face to create a beautiful work of art.  Recently she told me that she cannot imagine having grown up without superheroes because it was such a key ingredient to the expansive imagination she has today.  Oh, and by the way, today she is twenty-two and a theatre major in college preparing to direct her first play…and still very much in love with Larry-Boy…and Batman…and Superman…and, well, you get the point.

Making God Real

When I asked my superhero-loving daughter what I should say in this blog, she was all too anxious to share her thoughts with me.  What struck me the most was that she said loving superheroes taught her how big God really is.  As stated previously, she loves just about every superhero.  As a child, she daydreamed about superheroes and about becoming a superhero herself.  She confessed to me that she would ask God to give her super powers.  Obviously, He did not answer that request with a yes and for a while that bothered her.  However, when she was eleven years old, she realized that the reason God did not give her super powers was not because He could not.  Rather, He did not give her super powers because it would diminish the significance and meaning of His own power as the one and only God of the universe.  While loving superheroes made her long to leap tall buildings in a single bound and fly faster than a speeding bullet, it also made her realize that no one, real or imaginary, is bigger than God.

Unexpected Joy

My son liked superheroes when he was a small child.  When he was about four years old, he had a Superman costume complete with cape, that he liked to wear – and not just on Halloween.  I could not find a good reason why he should not be able to wear a Superman costume out in public on any ordinary day of the year so I let him.  You know what happened?  My son brought unexpected joy to many of the people we encountered as we were running errands.  Adults knew it was not Halloween but did they care he was wearing a costume?  Nope.  Not one bit.  In fact, it made most people smile.  It made most everyone stop and speak to him and say something sweet and encouraging.  My son brought joy to countless people just because he loved pretending to be Superman while running errands with Mom.  Today, he is probably one of very few seventeen year olds that does not really care for superheroes but he does enjoy bringing unexpected joy into the lives of others; and if it means donning a superhero suit to do it, well, he would be the first to find a phone booth and make a “super”-fast change.

Rooting for the Good Guys

We live in a lost world, which can often feel dark and hopeless.  This is often portrayed in superhero shows and movies, both past and present.  Superheroes are the good guys, the ones trying to right the wrongs, the ones sticking up for the little guy.  This can be a wonderful teaching tool for kids to see that good could and should win over evil.  Superman prevents Lex Luthor from destroying the planet.  Batman brings criminals to justice.  The Super Friends stop the evil world leaders from dominance.  While these issues may be the over-the-top stuff that good stories are made of, we also see Larry-Boy teach the virtues of truth and not spreading rumors.  With superheroes, good, whether make-believe or real, always wins and the world is shown as a better place because of it.

 

What kind of imagination is building in your child?  Are they learning how big God really is?  Can they bring unexpected joy to others?  Are they rooting for the good guys?  If your answer is no, it just might be time to watch the old Superman cartoon, break out the costumes, and bring a little joy and fun into the crazy world in which we live.

 

 

Tricia McDonald is the wife of a newly retired Army Sergeant Major and a mother of three amazing children, ages 17, 18, and 22.  She recently gained a wonderful son-in-law as well.  She currently resides in North Carolina, where she homeschools her two youngest kids.  Tricia enjoys reading and is passionate about U.S. History.  She also volunteers as the music coordinator for a local semi-professional youth theatre group.  She would like to encourage young moms to enjoy each moment, as the years really do fly by quickly.

 

8 May 2017

Between the Bears

by | posted in: Dads, Marriage, Mom, Uncategorized | 0

This Letter of Encouragement was originally published by our ministry friends, Dave & Lis Marr at One Family:  https://onefamilyhwl.org/

 

bear

 

We were half hugging, Dave’s arms around Lis’ shoulders, Lis’ arms around Dave’s waist. Looking at the room that, just a short time ago, looked so different. We were different. Standing on the edge of an unknown tomorrow, looking into the room, wondering what was next.

The year was 1989 and Dano was only a few days away into our future. We took the spare room and fixed it up. New paint, baby wallpaper half-way up the wall. New furniture – crib, cabinet for baby things, and a big comfy chair where Lis would nurse our newborn on which sat a teddy bear waiting to be loved. As we stood in the doorway in one another’s arms, we had no idea what was in front of us, we could hardly speak.

The year was 2017 and Shelli had just moved all her belongings into her new apartment. We took the last of her furniture in a U-Haul truck thereby leaving us with a spare room. Gone are the bed, the cabinet, the stuffed closet. But remaining, forlorn on the empty carpet sat a stuffed bear whose Toy Story ending had come to pass. As we stood in the doorway in one another’s arms, we had so much behind us, we could hardly speak.

And so you see the bookends of an era, 28 years of family life between Dano’s birth and Shelli’s moving out. Those in-between years characterized by diapers, teddy bears, backpacks, sleepovers, braces, sports, homework, dances, graduations, and long drives to college. Yes, those years were a rich, fun, wonderful life.

And so, too, we had the tense times: Dano’s infant hernia, Shelli’s near miss on her eye, Kevin’s broken foot. The challenges with Lis’ back. The bickering back and forth during our growing up years wondering how to get through Baby Boot Camp with marriage intact. The years when money was Campbell Soup tight and economic promises were based on hope and bravado when credit cards were undisciplined escapes. Yes, there were those times.

But the good times, oh, the good times were plentiful. Watching the kids perform their plays at home. Sleeping under the Christmas tree while waiting for Santa. Building the forts. Helping with the shoelaces and homework, bicycles and prom dresses, Easter egg hunt and Trick-or-Treat, dinners and birthday parties. Watching the sports, the school events, the sports, and more sports. Did we sacrifice? Never. We prioritized. Family first.

The point of this nostalgic ramble is intended to encourage. What are the critical elements to life between the bears? Here are a few thoughts:

  • Dinner together as much as possible. Conversation not correction. In those 28 years, we probably sat at the dinner table over 40,000 hours together. We shared “Topics”.

  • Who would you like to have dinner with?

  • Prayers of thanks, prayers before bed, prayers that accumulate over a lifetime. Regardless of where we were with our own prayer, our kids knew only that we were together in prayer to God, mostly in appreciation.

  • Commitment to family. Individual successes were cause for family celebrations.

  • Parenting classes, again and again, helped to push us forward keeping us ahead of our kids’ growing complexity. (Thank you Ezzos!)

  • Being where you are. Not at work when you’re at home. Not on the phone when you’re at dinner. Not in your head, when you’re together. Being present in each other’s life.

  • Create a community. Friends bring balance.

  • Family Identity: Adventure-minded, Open-mindedness. Others-Oriented.

  • Teach trust.

  • Love Languages.

The life we’ve lived between the bears is all we have known as adults. Life before the first bear seems like a dream. And life after the last bear remains a mystery. But you, you who are in between the bears right now with the tumble and stress, sorrow and joy of raising your family, we pray upon you peace. Whatever issues you face, tomorrow will always come….

….all too fast.

Blessings,

Lis and Dave Marr

 

 

Lis is a Certified Contact Mom with Christian Family Heritage and lives in the Denver, Colorado area.

1 May 2017

Why Sleep?

by | posted in: Babies, Babywise, Infant Sleep, Sleep Training | 0

why sleep

 

What do people say to a new mom who has just quit a high paying, high profile job to stay at home with her newborn? Or to the mom that wants all the bonding time in the world with her baby before she has to return to work in six weeks?

“You know all those books you have put off reading?”

“What about all those movies you have wanted to watch?”

“Sit back and put your feet up.  Your body has just grown a human. Your body is still adapting and your infant needs about 18 hours of sleep per day.”

This translates into a lot of down time for mom: time to reflect on what you would be doing right now if you were at work and time for the “B” word to creep into your vocabulary. Boredom.

As a young mom, the tendency is to try to return to the frantic pace of pre-pregnancy life, making up for lost time and lost social engagements. Put the baby in the car seat and go. She can catch a nap as I grocery shop, meet with a friend for coffee, or go to the doctor’s office, you think.

With 18 hours of sleep to get under her proverbial belt, your baby needs routine.  She needs the opportunity to learn how to get long periods of sleep, 1 ½ – 2 hours at a stretch for naps and even longer for nighttime sleep.  This can present a problem for the “nap and go mom”.  Doing it occasionally is fine, but as the norm it may present some sleep problems.  You may want to catch up on social engagements but it is important to stay home and let your baby sleep.

Why is sleep important?

Take a minute to consider all that occurs within the first year of life.  Your child will transform from a helpless newborn to a smiling, babbling, mobile toddler.  Most of this remarkable change happens when she is sleeping.  According to Web MD, those who get age-appropriate sleep are generally more sociable and have a stronger immune system.  Children who get appropriate amounts of sleep grow into learners with a lower incidence of ADD/ADHD.

What happens when babies sleep?

  • New information is processed. Daily, babies are bombarded with new sights, sounds, and experiences.
  • Bone, muscle, and brain development occurs.
  • Tissues damaged during the day are repaired.
  • Her circadian rhythm (sleep-wake cycle) will be established.
  • Neurological development occurs.

Training infants to sleep in a predictable location with familiar sights, sounds, smells, and objects can be viewed as a gift of a lifetime. All too soon the “bored” mom will appreciate routine naptimes and bedtimes for a well-deserved break from a very busy pre-toddler or toddler.

 

Patricia Lentz has been married to Tim for 38 years. They have 5 children and 5 grandchildren. Patricia and her husband have been using and teaching GFI material for over 25 years. She spends her days counseling young moms, writing, and traveling to spend time with her grandchildren. 

 

24 Apr 2017

Taking Words of Life to a Whole New Level

by | posted in: Moral Training, Speak Life | 1

words of life

 

In Parenting from the Tree of Life, Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo introduced us to the concept of using words of life in our parenting.   We were encouraged to use words that edify, cause growth, and encourage life rather than words that corrupt, tear down, and cause death.  Choosing to focus on the virtue rather than the vice in our correction might look like this: “See how carefully you can carry the plate of food” instead of “Don’t drop it!” In our daily activities, words of life can fall into three areas:

  1. Words of Instruction
  2. Words of Encouragement
  3. Redemptive words

As with other areas of life, it is easy to fall into a rut about how we apply these parenting principles.  When our children are young, we spend a lot of time at the instructional level.  We can get comfortable there, constantly telling our kids what to do and feeling good about giving the reason why. It is tempting to keep giving a lot of instruction with some encouragement thrown in for good measure.

Instruction and Encouragement can be done with or without “God-depth”.  How can we take those words of life to a whole new level and add in that “God-depth”?

  1. More thinking is required to add the “moral reason why” to an instruction rather than just giving the practical reason. Providing the “moral reason why” speaks to the heart issue behind the action and strengthens character formation.  As your children grow older, ask them what the biblical principle is that relates to their behavior instead of just giving it to them.  We want that knowledge and understanding to lead to wisdom as they gain more independence.
  2. Encouragement can be as simple as an affirming “Great job!” or (one step better) “Great attitude!” Focusing on the attitude or character quality is excellent but to really add “God-depth”, use words linked to their identity in Christ. Take time to emphasize what you see as proof of your child being created in His image and for a purpose. Encouragement should strengthen their God-worth more than their self-worth.

In the long term, even with “God-depth”, words of instruction and encouragement will lose their power without redemptive words.

  1. Redemptive words of life emphasize your child’s need for a Savior and his part in God’s story. Asking Jesus into his heart is only the beginning for your child. The tricky part follows, as he learns to walk in the Truth and listen to the guidance of the Holy Spirit. This is just as true for us as parents as it will be for your children.

 

Using words of life in our home has transformed our family.  One of the sayings in our home for many years has been, “I love you! God loves you more!” Intentionally bringing “God-depth” into our speech has brought the focus where it needs to be.  In the last few years “It’s all about Jesus” has taken on a whole new meaning as we have stepped out in faith to move across the world, leaving one adult child behind. The profound truths in these statements have been fleshed out over years of conversations and experiences.  Here are a few tips for adding “God- depth” to your words of life:

  • Spend time in the Word and in prayer. One of the best ways to ensure you will share God’s truths with your children is to have them in your heart first.
  • Make going to a Bible study or prayer group a priority (I know this is tough with young ones but you REALLY need it!). Foster “God-depth” in your friendships with other like-minded mothers. Feed your spirit so it overflows and spreads to those closest to you.
  • Talk about your faith with your husband during couch time (in your children’s hearing) and with your children at the dinner table, as you take walks, and as you tuck them into bed at night. “I wonder what God has in store for you” “God gave you such a special set of gifts, it will be wonderful to see how he brings that all together for you.”

 

Our children are now ages 16-23 and the reality of all those conversations and prayers is right before our eyes in the life choices they are making each day.  Are you ready to take your words of life to a whole new level?

 

 

Linda and Jeff Gage have four children, ages 16 to 23.  They have lived in New Zealand and Missouri and are now living in the heat and dust of Riverside, California.  Jeff is a Professor of Nursing. Linda is transitioning from homeschool teacher back to nursing, working with new mothers and babies. They have used GFI principles in their own family from the birth of their first child and have mentored many families over the years through teaching classes and providing Contact Mom support. They are now also using the principles to support young and at-risk parents.

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