Rhythms and Routines

If you’ve read Babywise or taken any of the GFI classes for younger children, you know the importance of routine.  But what about routine for the stay-at-home mom whose kids are in school?  Or the work-at-home mom?  Or the almost empty-nester, like me?  Yes, even those of us without young children or babies in the home need to be characterized by diligence during our days.

 

Disclaimer – as I’ve entered a new season of life (two in college and one in high school; volunteering in ministry; and managing our home) I’m still figuring things out.  And by that I mean some days are inwardly and outwardly productive and some days are…, well, let’s just say, “I’m working on it!”

 

At first I tried to figure out certain times for certain activities, each day, every day.  That worked until my high schooler had an early morning study session during my exercise time or an important email pushed back my scheduled cleaning.  I found that if I went off track in one area, the whole day followed.

 

After that I decided to write down daily goals or tasks, giving myself the freedom to decide in which order I’d address them.  This worked well for a while – until some things kept getting pushed from one day to the next to the next (note to self: the papers on the desk still need filing!).

 

So I’ve been thinking a lot about what this season should look like for me, wanting to “walk worthy” in my current calling (Eph 4:1) even though it’s different.  While I may not need to schedule feedings and playpen times, certainly having too much freedom can lead me away from diligence.   This led me to think about the rhythms in my life.  What important things keep me on mission for God, my family, and others?   Could I be faithful to work on each of these things – if not daily, then weekly, or monthly?

 

Here are the rhythms I’m seeking to keep me on track.

 

?Heaven – spending time with God, setting my mind on “things above” (Col 3:2)

?Heart – loving and caring for my husband and children, intentionally speaking their love languages

?Home – caring for and maintaining the house God has given us

?Health – exercising the body in addition to planning, purchasing and preparing nutritious meals and snacks

?Help – being on mission in ministry

?Hugs – making time for friends and mentoring younger moms

?Hospitality – sharing our home with others

?Head – learning new things

?Hobbies – crafting, knitting, diy home projects

 

What’s great as I’ve considered this list is where I can see multiple areas overlap:

 

Here’s a triple-

???Heaven, Hugs and Helping – mentoring young moms while co-leading a Bible study at church

 

And a home-run!

????Hugs, Helping, Home and Hospitality – leading couples through a GFI parenting class in our freshly tidied home

 

The beauty of rhythm is that while each day may not look the same, over the course of time, diligence in each area produces steady growth and God is glorified.

 

 

Bethany Mounts and her husband, Brian live in the Charleston, SC area with their three sons. They lead classes together and Bethany serves on the board for Christian Family Heritage in addition to being a Contact Mom.

 

Moving From The Crib To The Bed

 

 

The age at which a child transitions from a crib to a big bed is up to the parents. Some start as early as 12 months, others wait until much later. I have found that 2 years old is a good time, mostly because there were other babies on the way who would be requiring the crib! Don’t wait until a new baby has been born to suddenly make this big transition – have it all organized and any kinks worked out well in advance.  A cushion of time also prevents any resentment associated with the baby taking MY crib.

If your child is already trained to obedience during the day and will stay to play where you tell him, then you shouldn’t have too many hassles with him getting out of bed when he shouldn’t.  On the other hand, if your child will not obey you during the day or stay where he is told, then it’s very likely that he will not obey you at bedtime or in the morning either.  Work on obedience training first by implementing blanket times, highchair times, and playpen times during the day while everyone is much more able to deal with disobedience in a calm and consistent manner. Be aware that almost all children will test your resolve a couple of times just to see what will happen. So be prepared and have appropriate strategies for dealing with the child who gets out of bed when he shouldn’t – the FIRST time it happens.

Consider what you want the morning routine to look like.

* Will he be allowed to get out of bed on his own?

* Can she independently turn on a light and read books or access a few toys from a basket next to the bed?

* What is your goal for a morning routine that suits you now and in the future as well?

While our children were still in a crib, we put a book and a stuffed animal or a few small toys at the end of the crib after they had gone to sleep.  As soon as we heard the first peep in the morning, we would dash in and say, “Good job for staying quiet! Now read and play quietly until we come and get you.” Initially they were left for very short times so that they could be successful and praised for their quiet time. This time was increased as they became used to the routine.  We wanted this time to be quiet as there were other siblings whom we didn’t want woken up.  It also prepared them to eventually share a bedroom with another sibling.  After this training was in place, we stopped going in to remind them as they were able to start reading and playing quietly themselves.

As the children got closer to the move to their big beds, we transitioned to books only in the crib, rather than toys. (This also leads to a lifelong love of books which is something we wanted to cultivate in our family.)  Once the change to a big bed was made, the exact same morning routine was used and we found that they never really thought of getting up and wandering about in the morning as they already knew what they were expected to do.

Parents will often ask how the child knows it’s time to start reading, particularly those whose children’s bedrooms are completely dark in the morning. Some strategies are:

  • Soft music alarm, bunny clock, or color change clock that signals when it is time to get up
  • Mom or Dad comes in every morning to say it’s time to get up
  • Pin a paper clock next to their own analogue clock with the hands at the time they are allowed to rise.
  • Tape over the minute numbers on a digital clock and write the number the hour must match before he may turn on the light

It’s nice to build some excitement around the big move to his new bed. Maybe he can come shopping for his new big boy sheets and pillow and help choose between the appropriate selections you’ve picked out. We were able to have the bed all set up in his new room a couple of weeks before he was “allowed” to sleep in it.  By the time we were ready for him to move, he was practically begging to be able to go in it.  Each time he asked we’d recite all the rules and say he had to wait until he was responsible enough, big enough, etc. to which he would eagerly say, “I will, I can, I won’t get out of bed!” and on and on until we finally said the grand day had arrived.

If your child is a very mobile sleeper, a bed rail may be a good idea or you may want to put the mattress on the floor.  Most of our children moved around a lot in the crib but in a bed pressed themselves up against the wall and stayed there. One of our daughters, on the other hand, fell out of bed, so we used a bed rail for about 6 months.  Another trick to keep a child from falling out of bed is to tuck a large towel or pool noodle under the mattress to tilt it towards the wall.  Also, putting the top sheet on sideways so children are securely tucked in seems to stop them from rolling towards the outer edge. (Children’s feet don’t go anywhere near the bottom of the bed anyway.)

All in all, the key to a smooth transition from crib to bed is in the daytime training and consistent parenting throughout the entire day, not just at bedtime. Usually children love the idea of a big bed and with a little training and preparation, so will you!

 

Angela Pascoe is a Christian wife and homeschooling mother of 9 who seeks to live and raise her family, alongside her husband, to the glory of God.  She and her family live in Australia.  Her first introduction to GFI was as a classroom teacher. After seeing how good the material was, she and her husband took classes in preparation for their own children and spent so much time telling other parents about it that they decided it was time to start facilitating classes officially. They have been running several classes a year for over 10 years. Angela leads a GEMS group with a bunch of wonderful mums and enjoys being a Contact Mum.

 

Why Routine?

 

Why routine?  Why take the time to come up with a workable schedule that you and your kids follow each day?  Why bring structure to the home by forming habits and sticking to a plan?

Four main benefits for parents emerge:

  1. A routine helps me manage my time effectively. It keeps my priorities straight.  It keeps peace in my home.  It helps me make sure that the necessary things are getting done.
  2. A routine helps me stay focused. I am naturally drawn to a routine because of my temperament, but others are naturally more drawn to freedom from a schedule.  Routine can help ALL of us stay focused and keep our perspective clear.
  3. The habit of routine trains my character. God put boundaries in our lives to help us define sin. They help keep us aware of God’s standard for our moral compass.  Absolute freedom in any area is a dangerous place to be.  Boundaries were designed by God to keep us safe.
  4. And the most encouraging reason: adhering to a structure/routine for our days actually helps eliminate the need for discipline or correction in their behavior. I don’t know about you, but knowing I can eliminate the need for discipline is great news!

Routine brings PEACE to our home.  So, how do we begin to structure our days?

Start by making a chart to keep track of how you’re actually using your time.  After a week, take a look at the chart and see if you are managing your time effectively and your priorities are staying in line.  If not, decide which areas you want to change and choose one or two to start with.

Next, make sure your family is not over-committed with too many activities.  It’s OKAY to only do one activity per child, per season.  Our culture will constantly tempt you to do too many things.  Learn the power of saying NO to too many activities.

Lastly, here are four quick tips to think about when deciding how to structure your day:

  1. Keep bedtime consistent – put bedtime on the schedule as a reminder
  2. Keep naps consistent – for younger kids, try to be home over nap time
  3. Keep meals healthy – pack sandwiches, fruit and water. Use the time to stop at a park to eat and play.
  4. Work in ½ hour segments – keeping the activities moving throughout the day will help keep the kids on task (for kids under 2, 15 minute segments are best).

A routine is meant to serve you, not enslave you.  If you get off the routine for any part of the day, it will still be there, ready to pick up when you come back to it.  Our days are going to vary depending on our season of life, but a routine will help you move through them with your sanity still intact and your kids on an even keel.

To find more information on structure and routine, see Chapter 4 of Toddlerhood Transitions and Chapter 4 of On Becoming Toddlerwise.

 

Julie Bame is wife to Rich, mom to three beautiful girls, a Contact Mom for Christian Family Heritage, and Worship Coordinator at North Clinton Church.  Rich and Julie are passionate to see the Kingdom come in all of life, but especially so in marriages and families.  They count it a great privilege to walk the journey of parenting with anyone who will join them.

 

 

Considering Context: What’s Really Going On Here?

Context can be defined as the circumstances that form the setting for an event, statement, or idea.  Context helps us fully understand and assess a situation. Why is context important?  Because without considering context, it is really easy for a parent to jump to the wrong conclusions concerning her baby’s or child’s behavior.

A mom recently reached out to me for advice in understanding her infant.  Her baby was one month old and settling into a consistent three hour routine.  She was feeding well, learning to put herself to sleep, and taking good naps throughout the day.  All of a sudden, everything changed.  Mom explained that she fed her baby at 4 p.m. as usual and then again at 7 p.m.  The baby, very uncharacteristically, started screaming and would not go down for her nap.  The mom tried to soothe the baby but the baby continued to arch her back and was gagging and choking.  The mom removed the swaddle and after several minutes of being held, the baby finally fell asleep and then took a beautiful nap.

Was the baby showing signs of reflux?

Is there something wrong with the mother’s milk?

Did the baby not like to be swaddled anymore?

Should the mom stop swaddling her?

What was going on here?

What should this mom do?

Wanting to understand the context of the situation, I asked this mom more questions:  were they out a lot that day?  Were the baby’s feedings, waketimes, and naps consistent?  Had the baby been healthy?

The mom’s answers revealed that although the baby had eaten as usual at 4 p.m., the family had been busy with a project so the baby was not put down for her normal nap time.  Instead, the baby spent her waketime staring at fluorescent lights and being stimulated by the family’s activity so she didn’t nap at all during that cycle.  At the 7p.m. feeding, she became even more stimulated by the noise and activity in the house and was wide awake.  By 8:15 when the mom was trying to put her down for a nap, the baby started choking, gagging, and arching her back.

Was this reflux, a 4 week old telling her parents she was done with the swaddle, or was it something else? Context revealed that this little one was exhausted. She was busy staring at fluorescent lights on and off from 4-7. She was over-stimulated, and her regular routine wasn’t working because she hadn’t had a normal eat-wake-sleep cycle.

Is it possible that as parents we sometimes forget the obvious: the baby was awake too long and therefore couldn’t settle herself?  Considering context prevents us from jumping to the more elaborate conclusions that she now hates the swaddle and has reflux. We need to be cautious and look at what we are asking of our little ones and how consistent we are being with their routines.  Remember they are very, very little and are counting on us to help them establish order and routine in their lives. When problems arise, look closely at their day, consider context, and ask yourself, “What is really going on here?”

 

Patricia Lentz has been married to Tim for 39 years. They have 5 children and 6 grandchildren. Patricia and her husband have been using and teaching GFI material for over 25 years. She spends her days counseling young moms, writing, and traveling to spend time with her grandchildren.

 

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