Preschools and day-cares provide a necessary service to families where both parents must work outside the home. In most cases, preschool staffers are dedicated and caring individuals who hold a child’s best interest at heart. We have friends around the country who operate wonderful day-care centers, where love abounds and understanding of unique needs brings satisfaction and a sense of relief to parents who otherwise would choose to be home with their child.
In these cases, the possibility of placing a toddler in an organized educational setting is good because it meets the immediate need of a working couple. It might be a better idea to find a likeminded relative or friend to care for your child in a home setting. Best, we believe, finds Mom home with her children. Why do we believe this? Because aside from dads, there is not another pair of hands more perfectly fitted to the heart of your child than your own.
While we acknowledge that the ideal is preferable, we also recognize it is not possible in all cases. Thus, we wish to approach the topic of children, socialization, and preschool strictly from a developmental perspective. Our commentary should not be construed as a social statement on the rightness or wrongness of preschools. We are writing on this topic because every family is different and the variables of each family will not allow for cookie-cutter solutions when it comes to the necessity of child-care.
At the same time we must work with the reality of each situation. For example, the mom who works outside the home will face different challenges in parenting at the end of the day than a stay-at-home mom. Some of her parenting goals will not be achieved quite as fast. But when it comes to who is the ‘better mom’, between the two scenarios, the good news is this: the venue in which your child spends his day, whether at home or at school, is not a true measurement of your parenting.
Remember back to Preparation for Parenting when you were confronted with the breast or bottle-feeding decision? Descriptive terms such as ‘more caring’ or ‘better’ could not be attributed to one over the other in that case. The same is true of working parents. As authors our duty is not to pass judgment on those who have no other option but day-care. Rather, it is to provide understanding to those who do have an option and to help couples understand that “good” is not “better” and “better” is not “best”.
Taken from the archives of Growing Families International. Used with permission.
Looking back on our parenting, there are things we are thankful we did, and using a playpen with our babies is one of them!
Our oldest daughter was three weeks old when we moved in with my parents. Our little one’s playpen was her crib and her playpen. We were not familiar with Growing Families at the time. We were just making our unusual situation “work.”
Fast forward five years and our second daughter was born. By then, we were Prep parents! We understood the value of playpen time, both from personal experience and from what we learned in Prep. We traveled often, and her playpen was her crib-away-from-home. She fell asleep quickly because she was in a familiar bed. When we were home, at least one nap a day was in the playpen.
As a reminder, here are a few benefits from using a playpen, taken right from Preparation for Parenting:
It provides a safe environment. When your attention must be elsewhere, the playpen is a safe place for baby to be. You can take a shower, unload the groceries from the car, care for your other children, or do a host of other activities all the while knowing your baby is safe.
It doubles as a portable bed.
It offers a structured learning center. Having playpen time every day allows your baby the opportunity to develop:
* focusing skills
* a sustained attention span
* creativity
* the ability to entertain himself
* orderliness
Whether it is out of necessity or by choice, the playpen can be a huge blessing to you and your little one.
Glen and Jerrine Hicks have been married 32 years and live near Sedalia, CO. They have two adult daughters and one son-in-love. Jerrine’s idea of a perfect day would include a pot of PG Tips tea, some dark chocolate, a Jane Austen movie, and time reading Martyn Lloyd-Jones, Jerry Bridges, Emilie Barnes or L.M. Montgomery. She loves couchtime with her Glen. She is an introvert. 😉 The Hickses have been involved with Growing Families since 1996.
“I don’t know why they can’t get along with each other!”
“My kids are always grumpy.”
“Why are they yelling?”
Sound familiar? What if the dilemma is not with your children but with the person you see in the mirror? We must remember that, like it or not, our children are reflections of us. They reflect our behavior, attitude, and overall outlook on life. Here are seven areas to focus on as you take control of what reflection your children will see when they look at you:
Outside, in
As a born-again Christian, you’ve been given a new heart and life in Christ. Unfortunately, we will not reach perfection here on Earth and we still wake up with the heavy burdens and uncompleted tasks that make us feelunfulfilled, frustrated, and dissatisfied. When I wake up feeling this way, I have to remember that my burdens are not my children’s. They need me to display an excellent spirit. If they see my stress, I’m encouraging them to live a stressful life. Instead, I’m called to display the actions of an excellent spirit regardless of my feelings. Typically as you strive to display this externally, it will work its way to becoming true on the inside as well.
Being confident of this very thing, that He which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ. Philippians 1:6
Obedience
Did you know that your obedience to God can encourage your children’s obedience to you? One way this can happen is when we obey God’s commands to love one another, be kind, forgive each other, and prefer each other before ourselves. We tell our children to do these things, but are they seeing these things in our example towards our spouse, strangers, friends, and family? They will imitate our attitude and demeanor towards others. Be very careful about unintentionally becoming a stumbling block to your kids.
Another way you can encourage obedience is by talking with your children about it. Recently I had a conversation with my three-year-old about why it’s important to obey: “Did you know that Mommy obeys Daddy and God? Daddy and God tell Mommy to do, or not do, things that will be best for Mommy and keep Mommy safe.” I could tell it meant a lot to my child as I explained why obedience is important and that it’s not just for kids.
Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; 2 Corinthians 10:5
Words
Does your typical day-to-day vocabulary consists mostly of negative words or positive? It’s even possible to speak to the positive when in a conflict. Instead of only telling your child what not to do, also tell them what they should do and why. Don’t complain; rather speak positively about your life and watch their eyes glow as you show them through your words what a gift life is.
Another area a parent’s words can cause damage is to the relationship between siblings. If your child sees you express disdain for his siblings, no matter how equally you treat them, he will mirror that negativity. If you want your children to get along they should not see you irritated with their siblings. They will mirror your tone and words. You can and should speak firmly to your children when it’s necessary, but avoid displaying annoyance.
A wholesome tongue is a tree of life: but perverseness therein is a breach in the spirit. Proverbs 15:4
Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones. Proverbs 16:24
Tone
One question you should always ask yourself if your child has a habit of whining is, do I have a whiny tone? Or do I have an internal feeling of unhappiness about my life/circumstances? Even if you are able to hide it in your words, your kids will pick up on it if you’re dissatisfied with life. Your tone isn’t just verbal, it’s what seeps from your being about your outlook on life. It’s like a beam of light, or one of darkness, that shines directly on your child’s developing perception of her world.
Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31
Contentment
Contentment is hard. This is something I personally struggle with often. And discontentment is simply a sin, there’s no way around it. One of the saddest ways that this sin can affect others is when we are discontent to be a parent, and our children pick up on it. They sense that Mom is annoyed with the daily routine of being home with them and wishes she was doing something else. Be careful of unintentionally sowing seeds of rebellion in a child’s heart through exhibiting discontentment with your life. If you are a parent, that is God’s ordained calling on your life and you will breathe an enormous amount of life into your home if you find contentment in that calling.
Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. Philippians 4:11-12
Beliefs (what you believe about your life)
This goes with the thoughts above on contentment. When you can find the deep meaning in what you are contributing to as a parent, you will find deep fulfillment in your life. When you believe that your daily efforts and attention to the details of each day are contributing to God’s Kingdom, it puts everything into perspective and makes prioritizing easier.
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Matthew 6:33
Joy
Ultimately, our desire for our children is that they would know true joy. You can only find that in Christ, so make your time with Him each day the most important thing. My husband describes joy like the sand at the bottom of the ocean. The waves at the surface (your circumstances) can be wild but the sand (your soul) is calm and at peace. Let us strive to set this example for our children.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. And they that are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Galatians 5:22-25
Take time today to consider how well you are reflecting an excellent spirit, obedience, uplifting words, a positive tone, contentment, fulfillment, and joy in your life. Soon you’ll see those same attributes mirrored in your children’s lives.
Stacy Bullock is a wife and stay-at-home mother of three kids. Married to her high school sweetheart, Joshua, she couldn’t imagine a more fulfilling life. She enjoys playing the cello, horseback riding, and helping other mothers find fulfillment in making their quiver a happy and heavenly home to sharpen and ready their arrows (children) to be launched into the world to glorify God in following His calling on their lives.
Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. Is Proverbs 22:6 a promise of salvation or an implied probability? Simply stated, it is neither; it is a proverb. A proverb is a statement of general truth which has application for the varying circumstances of life. According to the Bible, King Solomon was the wisest man ever to live (I Kings 4:29). One of the distinguishing traits of his wisdom was his insightfulness into human behavior. The Holy Spirit guided his ability to articulate his observations into Proverbs.
A proverb is communicated in a metaphorical nature and in figurative language. In Proverbs 22:6, Solomon is only stating a truism associated with parenting. He is not declaring assurance onto which some expectation of salvation may be founded. This proverb is similar to others which relate to child-training. For example, Proverbs 10:1 states, “A wise son makes a father glad, but a foolish son is a grief to his mother.” Here is Solomon’s observation: the consequences of either correct or incorrect parenting are manifested in either the wisdom or the foolishness of one’s offspring. There is no promise implied, just a statement of fact. Proverbs 17:25 says, “A foolish son is a grief to his father, and bitterness to her who bore him.” Again, a declaration of truth was derived from observing the emotional struggles and broken hearts of parents whose children had gone wayward.
When we examine Proverbs 22:6, we find a statement of substance and of general truth. In Proverbs 22:6, ‘train’ means to initiate or to prescribe the learning patterns or to cause one to learn, or to set the spiritual patterns for life. By using this word, Solomon is stating that the wise parent will be the one to initiate learning in his child by training him “in the way he should go.”
The phrase “in the way he should go” has two meanings. One is assumed, and the other is implied. According to the context of biblical training, God’s principles and standards are presumed to be the subject matter of the development of a child’s moral character. The text implies that the training done by the parents should reflect their recognition of two factors: the natural way of children and the uniqueness of each child. The natural way refers to those constant factors naturally found in our humanness. “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child,” Proverbs 22:15a. “The heart is more deceitful that all else, and desperately sick,” Jeremiah 17:9a. The second factor refers to the uniquely creative bend of each child. In essence, Solomon is suggesting that the wise parent under-stands the nature of children in general as well as the uniqueness of his own child.
The phrase ‘and when he is old’ pertains to the results of parental training. The word old is used to represent an elder in the Hebrew economy. That would be at 40 years of age, the beginning of the wisdom years. ‘He will not depart from it’ refers back to the entire training process. Solomon’s challenge to parents can be wrapped up in this summary: When you initiate godly training in your child in conformity to his nature and uniqueness, the principles instilled within his character will become second nature to him when he matures.
We do not believe the promise of salvation is implied in this verse nor is the notion that a wayward teenager will instinctively return to the innocence of his Sunday School days. What is implied is the weight of parental responsibility in training children. The seeds we plant today in our children’s hearts, whether good or bad, will inevitably bear fruit at a future time.
* taken from Growing Families International archives. Used with permission.
