30 Oct 2019

Thanksgiving Traditions

by | posted in: Community, Family, Family Identity | 0

I grew up loving holidays.  My mom decorated the house, made special food, and created memories that tied me back to my family even when I had a family of my own.  When it was my turn to make those memories, I wanted to communicate the spiritual significance of the holidays, in addition to all the fun activities I remembered.

Typically, November is a month we focus on gratefulness in our family.  With thoughts of Thanksgiving, harvest time, and the Pilgrims all around us, we choose activities to develop gratefulness in each of our hearts.  Here are some of our favorite ideas:

  • Some years I drew a large tree on a piece of butcher paper and cut out colorful leaves from construction paper. Starting on the first of November, we each wrote something we were grateful for on a leaf and attached it to our tree poster.  As Thanksgiving Day approached, our tree was full of the many leaves our eight family members added daily.
  • A friend’s family uses different colored sticky notes for each family member to daily write something they are grateful for and post on a sunny window to create a beautiful stain glass window effect in their home.
  • I love to review my calendar and journal during November to remember what God has done in the past year including answered prayers, ways I’ve grown, and special memories to be thankful for. This review also contributes to our annual family Christmas letter written in December and is a special family tradition we share at Christmas time.
  • Do you have favorite foods that make you remember past Thanksgivings and family gatherings? We usually have the same foods year after year for Thanksgiving, and even included the menu in the cookbook we assembled for my mother’s 70th  It helps to have everyone contribute to the food preparations.  As new family members are added when our children get married, I ask people to bring something they enjoyed in their family when they were growing up.   If you have a large family gathering, I’ve found that Meal Train’s potluck sign up makes planning easier.  (www.mealtrain.com)
  • In remembrance of the Pilgrims’ second Thanksgiving following a winter where their daily ration of food was supposedly 5 kernels of corn (and no one died of starvation), I place 5 kernels of corn on each guests’ plate (often I use candy corn which delights the children) and ask them to share 5 things they are grateful to God for this year while we eat our meal.
  • Through the years, we have read aloud stories that focused on gratefulness or Thanksgiving and the Pilgrims. It’s an opportunity to communicate to my children God’s faithfulness during trials.
  • When my children were 4-10 years old and liked to dress up in costumes, we had Pilgrims and Indians dressed for the occasion at our table.
  • Reach out to others: Helping someone else as a demonstration of our gratefulness was a yearly activity.

* November is Samaritan’s Purse’s collection for the Christmas shoebox ministry.  We liked filling a shoebox.  Some years we were even able to work at a collection center to gather the shoeboxes in the region.

* Fill a basket with food for a needy family you know or join a community effort to help those less fortunate than you.

* Invite someone who would otherwise be alone to celebrate Thanksgiving with your family.

You never know when an activity will become meaningful to your children in the future.  One year my mother was looking for a creative way to get rid of her pumpkins.  She decided to have a pumpkin roll down the hill to the creek of their property.  Now she gathers neighbors’ leftover pumpkins and the day after Thanksgiving each family member rolls a pumpkin down the hill hoping to hear it splash in the creek below.  Laughter fills the air and squeals echo back as each one watches the erratic path of his pumpkin rolling down the hill through the trees to the creek.  Each grandchild has introduced the tradition to their significant other and now to their children.  I anticipate someone will continue this fun tradition even after my parents are no longer here to lead it.  It’s part of our family identity and tradition.

If you are new to the idea of creating family traditions for your family, start small.  Choose one thing that would be meaningful to you.  Let your spouse know that this is important to you so that he will help encourage family participation.

Making a memory today strengthens relationships for a lifetime.  When our activities foster the passing along of our values to our children, we are not just filling time, we are molding hearts, filling their moral warehouses, and establishing lifelong ties.

If you have ideas to share that your family enjoys, please add them in the comments below.

After 25 years of homeschooling, Beth Blunk is adjusting to the empty nest years, having launched six children into their adult years.  She is wife to newly retired husband, Ed, which offers another transition and the ability to plan fun adventures to see the grandchildren (seven and counting), as well as the ministry of encouragement to young couples and families.  Making memories with her own growing extended family is a priority.  She enjoys flower gardening and mentoring other young wives and mothers.
20 Oct 2019

Tethering Hearts

by | posted in: Child Training | 0

Do you ever wonder if you hold your child’s heart?  Or worry that you don’t? As parents, one of our biggest desires is to know that our teaching and wisdom is sinking deeply into our children’s hearts from the time we first begin to instruct them as toddlers. So how can we gauge how close our children’s hearts are tethered to our own? Here are four things to consider:

  1.  How closely is your heart tethered to God’s?

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.   Isaiah 26:3

That ye might walk worthy of the Lord unto all pleasing, being fruitful in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God; Strengthened with all might, according to his glorious power, unto all patience and longsuffering with joyfulness;    Colossians 1:10–11

You are as close to God as you want to be (James 4:8). And the closer you are to Him, the more knowledge, wisdom, and understanding you will gain for your children. You will also obtain long-suffering, peace, strength, and joy – all of which are fruits that your children will be attracted to. Ask yourself if these are being displayed in your day-to-day interactions with your children during times of conflict and non-conflict.

  1. Are you telling? Are they hearing? Are they believing?

How then shall they call on him in whom they have not believed? and how shall they believe in him of whom they have not heard? and how shall they hear without a preacher?   Romans 10:14

Devotional living is an amazing gift that you can provide for your children. There are many opportunities throughout the day to point them to Jesus – whether through creation, His provisions big and small, or His voice in your own life. Take every opportunity to point them to Jesus.

And ye shall teach them your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.  Deuteronomy 11:19

  1. Are you seeing a desire or a seed of desire to do what’s right out of love of virtue, not fear of reproof?

 I delight to do thy will, my God: yea, thy law is within my heart.  Psalms 40:8

This seed will sprout at different times for different kids and can first be gauged by the response in your toddler when you give him an instruction. It takes time, patience, and understanding of where your child is developmentally to reach his heart.

There are three steps to achieving a right heart response.  First, focus on an immediate response.  Start working with your toddler by calling his name and then bringing him to you immediately, then clapping. You can do this exercise with all instructions (sit down, stop, etc. Make it fun!) Once he has mastered this skill of following your instructions immediately, focus your training on gaining a complete response. Help the child follow all the way through on your instructions. Once he can do that on his own, a sustained response is the response that will open the door to a right heart response. When your child follows your instructions for a sustained amount of time and while you’re not looking then he is ready or almost ready to be obeying from a right heart. The key in these times of training is to make sure the majority of the training is done in times of non-conflict which touches the heart of a child deeply and will help in securing a closer heart connection.

  1. Prayer

If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.  James 1:5

Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.  Philippians 4:6

Every day we ought to pray for wisdom for our children. It truly is as easy as asking, “Lord, show me today what this child needs from me.” And He promises you that He will show you that wisdom!

In conclusion, when your heart is tethered closely with your Father’s, your light will shine, and your children will see it and glorify the Lord.

Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.   Matthew 5:16

Stacy Bullock is a wife and stay-at-home mother of three kids. Married to her high school sweetheart, Joshua, she couldn’t imagine a more fulfilling life. She enjoys playing the cello, horseback riding, and helping other mothers find fulfillment in making their quiver a happy and heavenly home to sharpen and ready their arrows (children) to be launched into the world to glorify God in following His calling on their lives.
15 Oct 2019

Trust…Build Your Parenting Paradigm on It

by | posted in: Family | 0

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

 

I still remember her words today. A simple card with a Bible verse and her handwritten message, “Stop measuring outcomes.” It didn’t make sense to me at the time.  What was I measuring? I had been walking with this friend on a regular basis and, over time, opened up to her about some of the pain I was feeling from miscarriages and the fear I had about becoming pregnant again. She hadn’t personally experienced my same pain, but she had felt pain and was confident the Lord prompted her to share those words with me during that time.

 

I soon realized that I was measuring outcomes. I was formulating everything to coincide with my plans, my agenda, my comfort,… and leaning on my own understanding. During that season the Lord really showed me what it looked like to fully trust in Him and His plans for our family.

 

If you’re reading this blog, chances are you’ve used a lot of parenting strategies and principles that have been effective in raising your children. I have too. We found success with sleep training, bottle weaning, blanket time, and self-control training. We’ve learned to structure our children’s days, meal plan for our families, budget for vacations, and make room for date nights. I thrive on strategic planning! But there are so many things beyond our control and our own understanding.

 

I have revisited these two verses from Proverbs countless times. What does it look like to trust in the Lord with all your heart? How do we learn to not rely on our own understanding?

 

  • We have to get uncomfortable. I believe a good filter to know if it’s God (or just bad burritos) is recognizing your own discomfort. A lot of time trust looks like stepping into an unknown. Moses walked through the Red Sea, David hurled a stone at a giant, Paul discipled those he used to persecute. If your life seems safe, pray a dangerous prayer and ask God how He can make you uncomfortable. Since that season in my own life, trust has looked as simple as reaching out to a neighbor, leading a parenting class, or sharing my personal story of miscarriage with another mom walking the same road. I get nervous every time, and there is always an excuse for me to say ‘no’, but when I trust God to work out the details, He does it every time.

 

  • We have to stay focused on Him. When reading the story of Jesus walking on the water, I’m reminded of Peter who boldly wants to step out and do the same. His faith tells him he can, but when he sees the waves he starts to sink. I can relate to Peter! Some mornings I wake up full of faith, but the waves of life come crashing down and I feel myself sinking (sometimes even before lunch.) Focusing on the waves is the same thing as measuring outcomes. We focus on the problems of life instead of on our Savior. Some waves seem impossible to ignore: peer pressure on your child, financial burdens, aging parents, but walking on water seemed just as impossible. We cannot trust our own understanding and abilities.

 

  • Remember God’s grace. I still find myself measuring outcomes sometimes…weighing possibilities, focusing on worst-case scenarios. I can feel defeated at bedtime, not measuring up to my own personal expectations and falling short of the ideal Proverbs 31 woman. But my prayer is for God’s grace. We don’t deserve it, but I trust that He is pouring it out and filling in all the gaps I’m missing. And at the end of each day, I thank Him for these children He has trusted us with and I am reminded that as much as we love them, He loves them even more.

 

Trust in the Lord…in your parenting, in your marriage, and in all your life!

 

 

Blaire Johnson is a stay-at-home mom to four children ages 9, 7, 5 and 18 months. She and her husband, Travis, have been involved in the GFI ministry since 2008 and have led classes since 2012. They live in Mt Pleasant, South Carolina.

 

 

 

7 Oct 2019

When Bottle Feeding Was Not the Plan

by | posted in: Babies | 4

I cried as I drove home that day. It happened again. No, it was not the first time I heard harsh words directed at me, nor would it be the last. She thought she was being helpful. She thought I did not know any better. She did not know my pain. She did not know she had hurt me. She did not know she was being cruel, or that she was not the only one to have been so cruel. She did not know my story.

It is interesting the difference in perspective with your first pregnancy versus the ones that follow. First pregnancies bring unrealistic expectations. That is only because we simply do not know any different. Having never had a baby before allows you only to assume what will be. The trouble is that we often assume what will be is actually going to be reality. Rarely is that true, both in pregnancy and in life. And when reality and expectation do not match up, it usually brings heartache.

When my first child was born she was perfect. Even the nurses said so. There was no struggle or difficulty with the delivery, which left her little pink face looking just as sweet and round as it could possibly be. Everything was perfect. I had made the decision to breast feed, as I knew it was the best nutritional choice for my daughter, it was God’s design, and it was affordable. But everything was not perfect. My daughter had learned to suck improperly in the womb. “No problem”, the lactation consultant said. “We will just have to retrain her.” And, that was just the beginning. Then came the inability to latch on, the lack of milk supply, the hours upon hours and the tears upon tears of trying so hard to make everything work just as it is supposed to. You know, God’s way. The efforts we went to were extreme. The different devices to help the baby eat, but not from a bottle so that she would not learn to prefer it. The different exercises to retrain my daughter’s suck. The pumping with almost nothing to show for it, which meant almost nothing to share with baby. The disappointment day after day, feeding after feeding, when she could not latch on. When she could not eat the food that was best for her. When I could not even produce enough to sustain her even if she had. My reality was no longer my expectation. I felt incapable. I felt helpless. I felt hopeless. And, I felt like a failure.

When it was time for baby #2 to join our little family, we made the decision to try breast-feeding again. However, my husband wisely suggested that we not go through the extremes that we went through with our first baby. You see, while the counsel of the lactation consultant had been well-intentioned, it did not account for my sanity. For two months we had tried to retrain baby #1 to suck properly. For two months I had tried to increase my milk supply. For two months I had pumped with almost nothing to show for it. For two months I shed tears day after day that I could not seem to do what every other mother seemed to do so naturally. The routine for feeding, retraining, pumping, and cleaning up was so extreme that there were only minutes left for sleep for myself. In two month’s time I had lost any ability to reason with the reality of our situation. I was miserable. I was broken. I just wanted to be like everyone else. I just wanted to feed my baby. I remember the day it all ended so clearly. It was evening time. My husband had come home from work to find me in tears yet again. The baby was crying. I was crying. She was exhausted. I was exhausted. My husband looked at me and said, “I am going to the store. I am going to buy a bottle. We are going to feed our daughter in the best way for us all.” And that is what he did. And that is what we did. He was right and I am so thankful for his leadership in that moment. So, as we anticipated the arrival of baby #2, he knew what he was saying when he asked that I not try so hard to breast-feed this time around. I knew he was right, though I did not want him to be. And, while her delivery was almost just as perfect as her older sister’s, the reality was that she too would not be able to nurse. Along came baby #3, with the same reality. Heart break not once, not twice, but three times.

The inability to nurse is one of the most crushing experiences you will ever have as a mother. It certainly was for me. It is for me. That pain and disappointment has never gone away. But, it is the words from others that is often the most painful. That is how I began this blog. As I bottle-fed my child that day in the hallway of the music studio where my preschooler was attending class, a well-intentioned fellow mother began to “counsel” me that I was not doing the best thing for my child by bottle-feeding. Didn’t I know that formula is not as good for baby as his mother’s milk? Didn’t I know that it is selfish to want to use a bottle instead of my body to feed my baby? Didn’t I know that I could potentially be harming my baby by denying him of all the added nutrients that come from breast milk, and the bonding, and the God-ordained design, and the cheap cost, and the…. Why, yes, I did indeed know those things. But what she did not know was the tears I had shed for days, and weeks, and years over feeling like a lesser mother for not being able to feed my babies. What she did not know were the tears I would shed again that day as I drove home because of her words, and the words of so many like her that had come before that day and that would come again after that day.

Ladies, please do not assume you know why a mother is bottle-feeding her child. And, please, do not assume it is your duty to inform her that breast feeding is best. I guarantee you that mother already knows every single word that you feel compelled to utter. You are not helping. You are adding salt to a very deep wound. I would say that only time will heal that deep wound but that is not so. Though it has been twenty years since I last attempted to nurse a child, when the subject comes up today it still stabs me in the heart. It begins innocently with a questions such as, “How long did you nurse your baby?”, or “Didn’t you think such and such was hard when nursing your baby?” The assumption is still there. The question is innocent and devoid of any malicious intent. My head knows that. But my heart, oh, my heart mourns all over again.

I will probably never know why my story unfolded the way it did. But, if my words today, if sharing my story today, can help one mom shed her guilt over what cannot be, then it was worth it. Moms, it is okay to cry over the loss of nursing your child. Moms, it is okay to feel hurt by the careless, though well-intentioned, words of others. Moms, it is okay to bottle-feed your baby, because that is what your reality has demanded. Did you hear me? It. Is. Okay. It will be okay. You will be okay. And, your baby will be okay. While your heart may be broken, you are not and neither is your baby.

Tricia McDonald is the wife of SGM(ret) McDonald and four adult children.  She is learning to adjust to civilian life now that her husband has retired.  She is also learning to adjust to life without homeschooling, as all of her children have graduated.  Tricia volunteers her time teaching U.S. History to local homeschooled high schoolers, and coordinating music for a local semi-professional youth theatre.  She enjoys blogging from time and time and is trying to figure out what she should be when she grows up.  She wants to encourage all the young moms to hang in there and enjoy the moments, as they will pass far more quickly than you ever thought possible.
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