Children and Childhood Fears, Part 1 of 2

Children and Childhood FearsHow old were you when you first saw the ghoulish monkeys dispatched by the wicked witch of the west to pick up Dorothy and her dog, Toto? Do you remember the scene of winged monkeys spreading the gentle Scarecrow “here, there, and everywhere”? These scenes from the movie, The Wizard of Oz, when observed by this writer, were some of the most frightening scenes that a twelve-inch black-and-white screen could project to the pounding heart of an eight-year-old boy.

 

Fear! It is part of the overall human experience and not simply a childhood phenomenon. Some childhood fears might appear irrational, even silly, to parents because they do not arise from any real external danger, but they are very real to your child and should be respected as such. Although the cause of fears may not always be discovered, we know there are general categories of fear that children experience. Knowing the origin of fears may not always eliminate them, but it may lead parents to better management and reduction of fearful stimuli. Consider these sources:

 

Natural Fears—In spite of the fact that fears vary from child to child, there is evidence that certain fears are characteristically found at specific ages. These are referred to as “typical fears.” Many fears are learned from direct association of experiences with fearful stimuli. The most frequently displayed fears for children come from animals such as dogs, snakes, and rats. These are followed by the fear of strange people, being left alone, and dark or high places.

 

Fear of the Unfamiliar—Among the primary fears of young children is the fear of the strange and unfamiliar (strange from the point of view that something stands apart from the child’s previous experience). It could be a person, event, situation, or activity. This type of fear takes place because young children do not have cognitive tools to adequately measure the legitimacy of their fear and thus lack the ability to understand the cause and effect associated with fearful situations. For example, a child with an ice-cream cone may not understand that it was the food that attracted the neighbor’s puppy and not a wolf-like desire to devour the child. Yet the fear, although misplaced, is still very real in the mind of the child.

 

Developing Imagination—Imagination can also create fearful expectations, especially when the imagination develops faster than the child’s reasoning abilities. Imaginary fears include ghosts, skeletons, bogeymen, or any combination of the above.

 

False Beliefs—Some fear is the result of bad experiences, such as the fear of the dentist or the hospital or a visit to the doctor’s office. The frightening experience becomes an expected reality and thus apprehensiveness occurs. Your child will even react with fear to a new situation that in and of itself, normally would not arouse fear. Other fears are passed on to children by the false beliefs of their parents, siblings, and friends.

 

Parental Anxiety—Parents sometimes unwittingly arouse fears in their children and introduce attitudes of apprehension by their own overprotective anxiety. Constant warnings of restraint such as “Be careful, you’re going to fall down,” “Don’t pet the dog or he will bite,” “Don’t climb in the tree or you will fall and break your leg,” or “Don’t go by the road you might get hit by a car” might keep a child in an atmosphere of fear and continuous dread. Note the operative word above is constant. Of course there will be times in which you might say all of the above. This is not the same as constant warnings of danger that place a child in a perpetual state of anxiety about his own welfare.

 

In Part Two of this blog we will work through how to manage and help children overcome fear.

Used with permission from Growing Families International.  This article can be found at www.growingfamiliesusa.com.

Read Me a Story – Reading List for Family Reading Times

FFR

Read Me a Story

By Susan Ekhoff

 

When I look back on 23 years of “married with kids,” one thing that strikes me as priceless is the time we invested in reading out loud as a family.  On most school days, after lunch is cleared away, the children and I settle into a restful and unifying hour. I will never be sorry I wasted perfectly good math time – the memories are too sweet, the opportunities to teach into real life and fiction narratives too valuable.

Below is a list of our favorites. Every book has passed the “Mommy Test.” If I didn’t enjoy reading it as much as the children enjoyed hearing it, the book does not appear on the list. Enjoy!

 

Family Read Aloud Book Ideas

Young Children 4 to 6 years

A New Coat for Anna

The Story of Ferdinand

Make way for Ducklings

The Tale of Peter Rabbit

Follow the Drinking Gourd

When I was Young in the Mountains

The Story about Ping

Cranberry Thanksgiving

Clown of God

Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel

Lintel

Madeline

How to Make an Apple Pie and See the World

 

Elementary Jr. High

Wisdom and the Millers

Storytime with the Millers

Prudence and the Millers

School Days with the Millers

Missionary Stories with the Millers

The Treasure Tree

George Washington, DAulaires

Leif the Lucky, DAulaires

Laura Ingalls Wilders Books, The Little House Series

Little Lord Fauntleroy

Hero Tales, I, II, III, IV

Stories of the Pilgrims

Boys and Girls of the Colonies

Number the Stars

Everyday Graces

Christian Heritage Series by Nancy Rue

Whispering Brook Series by Carrie Bender

Gladys Aylward, Christian Heroes: Then & Now Series

My Side of the Mountain

Charlottes Web

The Mixed-up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler

All of a Kind Family series

Little Pilgrims Progress

The Secret Garden

The Little Princess

The Penderwicks

The Mysterious Benedict Society series

The Underland Chronicles series

Patty Fairfield

So Dear to My Heart

Laddie, a True Blue Story

The Girl of the Limberlost

Freckles

Little Women

A Daughter of the Rich

The Five Little Peppers and How they Grew

Concord Cunningham series

The Pineapple Story

The Bronze Bow

Anne of Green Gables

Cheaper by the Dozen

Where the Red Fern Grows

The Book Thief

Heidi

Babe

Peter and the Star Catchers series

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Johnny Tremain

The Story Girl

The Wolves of Willoughby Chase

Strawberry Girl

Twenty and Ten

Tree in the Trail

Making Brothers and Sisters Best Friends

Island of the Blue Dolphins

 

Our Familys All Time Favorites – often read more than once

 Many of these books have descriptions persecution and suffering. Several contain accounts of torture endured by the church in other lands. I read ahead and reword or delete some sections when younger children are listening.

 

Bruchko

Evidence Not Seen

Appointment in Jerusalem

The Heavenly Man

The Hiding Place

Imprisoned in Iran

Hinds Feet on High Places

The Chronicles of Narnia

Within Heavens Gates

The Cross and the Switchblade

God Knows My Size

Visions Beyond the Veil, H. A. Baker

Always Enough, Roland and Heidi Baker

A Thousand Shall Fall, Susi Hasel Mundy

I Dared to Call Him Father, Bilquis Sheikh

Out of the Far Corners, Peter Iliyn

 

NOTE:  Please check out the 3-part series, Reading Aloud, for more information about how to make this part of your family.

Childishness vs. Foolishness

Childishness vs. FoolishnessTwo four-year-old cousins were striking the dwarf plum tree with sturdy sticks. Laughing and chanting a nursery rhyme, the pair used their enchanted scepters to knock from the branches the newly formed plums. Too late, grandma discovered and stopped their fairy-tale game. Previously, spring rains had wiped out all but a couple dozen plums. Now, nearly half of those lay on the ground. Were their actions childish, or foolish? What is the difference?

 

From time to time we all act inappropriately. Sometimes we purpose to do wrong, but there are times when we make honest mistakes or uninformed decisions. The first is intentional, the second is not. The same is true of our children of all ages.

 

Willful, intentional defiance and open rebellion are what the Bible calls foolishness. Proverbs 22:15 tells us that, “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child.” The word in this verse comes from the root word folly, which means deception, trickery, disobedience, lacking in wisdom, or rebellion. Foolishness is acting without regard to consequences, or without regard to injury to self and others.

Childishness on the other hand are honest mistakes or accidental occurrences, uninformed decisions that were wrong. When seven year old Ashley accidentally tripped on the lamp cord, causing it to fall on the floor and break, her actions were not intentional or premeditated. There was no willful defiance at play. She simply tripped. Here actions were childish.

 

However, a child is not acting childishly when he is disobedient; he is acting foolishly. Parents must gear their efforts toward one common goal of taking the foolishness that is bound up in the heart of a child and replacing it with wisdom. Foolishness shows itself either directly or indirectly. Disobeying, talking back, refusing to accept correction, and rejecting any form of authority are all expressions of direct, willful defiance—they are foolish. The haughty look, pretending not to hear, pleading ignorance to the obvious after being caught in a misdeed, doing something good or cute to get out of doing what was instructed, and constantly saying, “I forgot,” are various forms of the more passive, indirect forms of defiance. (In this last situation, the problem is not only in the child’s characterization of failing to remember the instruction, but in his failure to put any effort into learning the lesson.)

 

Think of it this way. Childishness is a head problem; the child doesn’t know any better. Foolishness is heart problem. The child knows what is wrong but pursues it anyway.  Why do parents need to know the difference? Because they should never punish a child for childishness, but they will correct for it.

 

Used with permission from Growing Families International.  This article can be found at www.growingfamiliesusa.com.

Asking Yourself Why?

Asking Yourself Why

Why is the grass green? Why is the sky blue? Why do birds fly? Why do flowers smell pretty? Has your two year old ever bombarded you with questions that their little minds are just burning to find answers to? Julie Young shares her journey with “why” she used to give long-winded scientific explanations to the endless questions of the two year old living in her house:

 

My 4th child is two years old and I find myself responding to her with, “Because that’s the way God made it.” Or, “God knew you’d like to smell that flower so He made it smell pretty for you.” Thankfully, for now, that is a perfectly logical answer to her. Someday I’ll get scientific with her, but for now, it’s enough for her to know that there is an almighty God in control of her little world and He has infinite wisdom.
I used to ask, “Why?” a lot. Then I stopped. I’m not exactly sure why I stopped. I guess I never thought to ask “Why?” If someone had asked me why I signed my 5 year old daughter up for the latest popular sporting activity many years ago, I’m not sure what my answer would have been. Well, because all of her friends were doing it, I suppose. It seemed like a good idea. Never mind the fact that practice and her games were during our family dinner hour which meant that 2-3 days a week we didn’t eat together because I was grabbing hamburgers at the drive-thru for the kids. If someone had asked me why I left my warm bed at 4 a.m. one chilly February morning to stand in line outside the most popular Christian preschool in town to make sure my 4 year old had a coveted space next year, I’m not sure what my answer would have been. It’s just what you do. All of my Christian friends were doing it.
I had a lot of good company that frosty morning as I cradled a warm mug of coffee. Never mind the fact that my daughter would be away from her younger siblings for 12 hours a week where I would lose valuable opportunities to teach her how to properly socialize with other children. Never mind the fact that the next day would probably be spent undoing the inappropriate behavior and habits she would pick up at that half day of preschool. Never mind the fact that I would be packing up all of her younger siblings twice a day, disrupting their routine, to shuffle her around. It’s just what everyone was doing.
We did get that coveted preschool spot. And, thankfully, 2 weeks before school was to start, I started asking why again. “Why am I doing this?” “Is this God’s best for our family?” Or “Am I doing this because that’s just what our culture says is the best?” “Does this line up with our family goals?” There are so many really good opportunities available to us and our children these days. But where do you draw the line, and when do you say ‘No’?
Philippians 1:9-11 is a verse that I repeat often and turn into a prayer: “And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ-to the glory and praise of God.” I want to be filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ. I want my children to be filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ. I can’t do that unless I am discerning what is best. But I need to look beyond our culture to do that. I need to be a thinking parent. And I need to ask ‘Now, why would I want to do that?’ Yes, we opted out of the preschool, because in answering the “why” my husband and I decided this was not the “best” for our family.
This article was contributed by Julie Young and is used with permission from Growing Families International and found at www.growingfamiliesusa.com.

 

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