My life has changed in the last few years. I have retired from nursing, broadened the ministry out of my home, and published a book The Lamp, Be Aglow and Burning with the Spirit (available through Amazon as a printed book and an eBook). My grandchildren have become adults, and my great-grand children are now in school. Thankfully, in all the change, my family continues to trust me with their joys and heartaches, and I’m privileged to intercede for them with praise and petition.
Prayer has been a significant part of my life for over 50 years, yet my Father still opens new avenues of prayer for me. One of the Lord’s most recent upgrades in intentional prayer came when I saw the movie War Room. As I watched, I was sensing the heart of God for me to pray for my family more strategically.
I live alone and have my favorite places to read, study, and pray, but days after seeing War Room, I became restless – I wanted a “room” set apart from the rest of the house for prayer. My home is 100 years old, so closets are scarce and small, but a narrow closet in my bedroom had potential. After cleaning it out, I discovered that a chair and a side table for my Bible and writing essentials just fit inside. Having no light, I placed a desk lamp on the closet shelf and ran an extension cord to the outlet around the corner. Following the movie’s storyline, I wrote my specific prayers and affixed them to the walls. More recently I have added pictures so I could focus on faces as I pray.
Then in August of this year my church did a five-week study on The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson. Newly visioned, I wrote the names of each immediate and extended family member on a slip of paper and taped them around the perimeter of a hula-hoop. As I pray, I turn the hoop and hold the recipient of that specific prayer in my hands.
These new adventures in prayer include 93 names, 27 families, and 4 generations! New prayer concerns for my flock of loved ones keep pouring in, and the Holy Spirit is calling me to pray as never before.
I love Jesus. I love to present my needs to Him because He cares for me – and my family (I Pet. 5:7). And He faithfully answers my prayers! I am aware, more than ever, that part of my legacy is my specific faith-filled prayers. So I just keep visiting my War Room and my prayer wheel keeps turning, turning, turning.
One fact of life we all must live with is that first impressions tend to prejudice all future impressions. That is why first impressions often become “lasting impressions.” It is also a fact that people tend to form favorable “first impressions” of others, when those first encounters are pleasant and live up to or exceed expectations.
That is exactly what good manners will achieve for children, because embedded within mealtime etiquette are otherness-virtues that intuitively resonate with people. People not only connect with the courtesy message, they also appreciate the messenger, even if the messenger is only a six-year-old child. Good manners will always minister grace and life.
That conclusion leads to this warning: Any parent who underestimates the profound influence that mealtime manners will have on their child is already taking a risk with their child’s future. Good manners will always give children an advantage in life, because people always respond positively to the well-mannered child. And some of those people will be people of influence.
Mealtime Basics: What Not To Do
The prohibitions contained in the list below are so common that you might actually hear your mother’s voice as you work through each item. The items on the list do not require a detailed explanation on our part, but they might require a greater explanation when teaching them to your children. As you begin to transfer these concepts, please remember to provide your children the “moral why.” The “moral why” plays a significant role in the transmission of each courtesy, because it helps children connect their behavior to a purpose and not simply to a prohibition. Thus, the simple instruction, “Elbows off the table,” will never be sufficient, if your child does not know how their actions are tied back to the moral consideration of others.
In this case, an elbow or elbows resting on the table while dining is viewed as poor manners for at least two reasons. First, to do so tends to bring the entire body closer to the table, potentially intruding on the space of those with whom the meal is being shared. Second, elbows on the table can also communicate boredom or detachment, especially in formal settings. To do so is construed as one being anti-social and unwilling to engage the moment, thus robbing others of the pleasure associated with the relational aspects of dining. However, elbows resting on the table after the meal, when lingering in conversation, is accepted as a comfortable conversational position, without a tinge of rudeness attached.
The final point to make before reviewing the list is to remind the reader that each prohibition has its own antonym, that is, a corresponding encouragement. For example, “Do not talk with your mouth full of food,” also implies, “Finish chewing your food thoroughly before speaking.” “Do not smack your food,” implies “Chew quietly with your mouth closed.” At some point in your training, courtesy prohibitions must be balanced with the expected behavior. In one way or another each prohibition evolved from centuries of dining habits, and not all were connected to manners. For example, advising children to chew with their mouths closed in medieval Europe had more to do with not accidently swallowing flies attracted to the food than good social habits.
Pinkie-finger dining can be traced back to the Romans. The lower class used the entire hand to feed themselves. The elite class used only the first three fingers to pull meat and move food to their mouths. This forced the ring and little finger to rise above the hand, and eventually raising the “pinky finger” became associated with good breeding. Of course, today raising your pinky finger is neither fashionable nor a sign of good breeding.
Regardless of its origin, each item on the list is considered discourteous and requires Mom or Dad’s attention. Most can be handled with verbal reminders that continually point toward what a child should do and not simply what the child is doing wrong. Finally, our list here is different than what appeared in the DVD presentation because we are constantly updating the list. Some items were combined and new prohibitions added. Regardless, they are all important. Let’s review the list. Instruct your children that it is impolite to:
Chew their food with their mouth open, or talk with food in their mouth.
Fill the mouth so full that the cheeks bulge while chewing.
Spear large pieces of food with their fork, and then bite pieces off from the fork.
Let any unpleasant sound leave their bodies, including sniffing, snorting, smacking or loudly crunching food.
Lean across the table or reach for an item that intrudes into the space of another person.
Eat with their elbows on the table, or slump in their chairs while at the table.
Comment unfavorably about the food, or table setting.
Wave or point with a utensil.
Continually get up and down from their chair while at the dinner table.
Play with their food (especially, when it’s been set apart by prayer).
Take helpings so large that little to no food is left for others.
Take food off of serving plates with their fingers.
Make inappropriate hand gestures or use language that is inappropriate, or voice tones that are loud or disruptive.
Ask a question to a person who is chewing food, or take a drink of water, or talking to another person.
Use their own silverware when taking food, instead of the serving utensils that belongs with the food item.
Never snatch a food item from a serving plate or bread basket, that is purposely being passed to another person.
This list represents basic mealtime courtesies that, when in place, create an environment in which everyone feels comfortable, and consideration for others is given preeminence. You will find more mealtime manner helps in the Video Library at www.growingfamiliesusa.com.
This article used with permission from Growing Families International – growingfamiliesusa.com.
“God, bless Mommy, and Daddy, and Grandma, and Grandpa and . . .”
This precious prayer marked the beginning of my children’s relationship with God and their concern for family and friends. But as they grew in their relationship with the Lord, I wanted to introduce them to the huge, throbbing heart of the Father for people all over the earth. I wanted them to empathize with the plight of the lost and poor and be willing to lift those needs back to Him.
At first I wasn’t sure how to build a scope for prayer, but eventually I found some simple tools that helped move my children (and me) beyond prayers for our immediate comfort, protection, and healing to faith-filled intercession for the Church and the world.
Mommy, how do I pray?
When we become bored with prayer, it’s usually because we’re stuck in repetitive petition for ourselves. Prayer should be rich and brave.
To help my younger children taste prayer beyond personal petition, I hand made a simple prayer “spinner.” It narrowed prayer into four do-able categories: praise/ worship, forgiveness, repentance, and petition. I also broadened their scope into fifteen categories that were heavy on my heart:
Families
Preparation and perseverance for the second coming of Jesus
Unity between Christians
Caring for our earth home
People who are like us and different than we are
People who are hungry
Unborn babies
People who are sick or dying
Missionaries – more people to share the good news of Jesus
The leaders of nations
People who are prejudice, who hate others because they are different
Children who are abused or mistreated
The 10/40 Window
Revival in the Church across the world
And the wild card – whatever the Holy Spirit leads us to pray for today
Each morning one child got to flick the dandy spinner. Then we prayed in the indicated category: We forgave someone, repented for one specific sin, praised God for one of His magnificent attributes, or asked Him for something specific that we needed.
Next, we prayed into the indicated broad-scope petition. There were days when that portion of prayer was based in our experience – we knew someone who was expecting a baby, or we knew someone who was on a mission trip. Usually though, we prayed about that topic in general.
I wonder how the Lord answered those halting, childish prayers. I know that one day He will make a huge reveal and we will know all. That’s part of the delicious adventure of prayer.
Mommy, who do I pray for?
We pray best when our understanding and empathy are awakened. I found that my children and I needed knowledge about who needed our prayers.
One of my best finds to that end was You Can Change the World; Learning to Pray for People in Other Countries (Volumes I and II) by Jill Johnstone. Jill teaches children about the culture of third world children in bite-sized increments and digestible short story format, and concludes each with ways we can specifically pray for the people of that nation or people group. These books are older now, but much of what she shares is still very much applicable.
For a couple of years I read one of Jill’s stories aloud on Monday and then we filled out a worksheet over the rest of the week: We colored a picture of the indicated country’s flag and named the capital city, top exports, major religion, and an interesting fact.
Maps also helped us experience the magnitude of the need for prayer. When my children were young we used a huge plastic floor map that I bought at a missions conference. We sat on the map around the outline of the country we were praying for. We also had a ”10/40 Window” map for the wall.
One year we added a blow up globe that we held in our hands as we prayed for people in other nations. (Yes, I had to ward off my children’s temptation to launch the ball instead of pray!)
Of course these days there are blogs and on-line unit studies at our fingertips. I just did a Pinterest search on “teach children to pray” and found lots of interesting ideas. What fun!
Our family fervor for prayer has waxed and waned over the years, but I believe a foundation was laid in those early years.
Mommy, why do I pray?
The truth is that we pray because God is calling us to. He cares, and He wants us to care too. Our family still loves glimpsing His passion/compassion by reading about and hearing first hand the true testimonies of His ongoing work across the earth. (See this blog’s “Read Me a Story” (4/16) for a listing of a few of our favorite good-reads.)
We are perpetually amazed at the lengths to which God goes to place one willing person who knows Jesus with those who do not. Recently, my husband and I were honored to be in a gathering where a Middle Eastern doctor shared about the strong, emerging Church in Syria. We couldn’t wait to share this eyewitness account with the family. In the next weeks I will be inviting a missionary family on leave from Vietnam to share their experiences around our kitchen table. Exposure to the Holy Spirit’s movement sparks conversations about God’s love for all people and His good plan for reaching them. He keeps us gasping in awe – He loves people so much!
The end of the matter is that we too are called to take God’s love to our generation. Have you found, as our family has, that we are often the answer to our own prayers?
A Challenge
Our pastor, Craig Groeschel, recently challenged us to ask ourselves, ”If God suddenly announced, ‘I’m supernaturally answering all of this week’s prayers in this very moment,’ what would be different in the world as a result of your specific prayers?” This statement gave me pause.
I want our family to pray specifically.
I want our family to ask expansively.
I want our family to be faith-filled and faithful in prayer.
I want our family to be willing to be the answer to someone’s prayers.
Mostly, I want our family to love well in Jesus name.
I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.
You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.
This is my command: Love each other.
John 15: 15b – 17
I think that part of “bearing fruit, fruit that will last,” is leaning into mature prayer. May our asking in Jesus name be based in our love for Him and His reaching love to others.
Apart from the orphaned child, most people grow up in families in which, from birth onward, they learn a way of life that gives meaning to their very existence. For most of us, the word home carries more than just casual memories of a time and place where we spent our childhood; it was the first society from which we learned about life itself. It is within the confines of home that everyone first experiences the repertoire of human emotions and observes how others respond. We learn the meaning of sympathy, empathy, and caring. We absorb family and cultural values, and measure our commitment to those values by how others respond to them. The home is where love is first defined by the care and attention we receive, and becomes the place where security is gained, lost, or possibly, never obtained.
The word home is so laden with significance that one cannot begin a conversation about the nurturing of children, without first speaking to the persuasive influence that the home environment creates. Family relationships are multifaceted, requiring multiple layers of love and security. When all family relationships function as God designed, there is an infused sense of security that permeates the entire home environment, and children are the benefactors.
It is the multiple layers of love and security we wish to address. For we know in a general sense, how influential the home environment is on a child’s development. We also know how influential Mom and Dad are in the process. But there is another relationship that contributes to the “layer affect” of love and security; that being the husband-wife relationship. The marriage relationship provides the parent-child relationship a sustaining quality.
by Sandra Strange
Then in August of this year my church did a five-week study on The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson. Newly visioned, I wrote the names of each immediate and extended family member on a slip of paper and taped them around the perimeter of a hula-hoop. As I pray, I turn the hoop and hold the recipient of that specific prayer in my hands.
