Surprises of the Heart

Our family is in an interesting season.  Our oldest is approaching the middle years, so we’re having a lot more conversations about things and asking her a lot of questions.  It’s great to watch her begin to draw from the moral warehouse we’ve been storing up treasures in these last nine years.  Some transitional attitude issues have caught us off guard, but we’re working on it.

Our youngest is now four, which means she’s past babyhood and even toddlerhood.  She’s a happy soul who makes us giggle often.  Though she slips under the radar at times because we’re much busier this time around, she is pretty easy-going and is brought back to first-time obedience without a lot of trouble.

And then there’s the one in between.  She has stretched us in every direction regarding parenting, but we’re finding that the stretching was OUR lack, not hers.

As a baby, we thought our middle daughter was some kind of Jekyll and Hyde: happy sometimes, but then crying and lacking sleep patterns at other times, throwing us curve balls left and right.  We were tired, frustrated, and worn out.  We eventually found out that she was having ear infections that were messing with her sleep schedule and that threw off everything else.  So that gave us some hope and perspective.

But here’s the surprise:  she gave us the most opportunity for humility and growth in the difficulty of her baby years, and now, at seven, she’s still giving us that same opportunity for humility and growth but it’s in a completely different way.  When she was a fussy baby and a difficult toddler, we worried that she might always be a “hard kid”.  But the opposite has been true.

We have had the privilege of watching her grow into a more beautiful and tender-hearted person than we could have ever dreamed.  She is thoughtful and kind to others.  She is always writing affectionate notes to us, her friends, and her teachers.  She is sensitive and truly hurts when others hurt.  She ‘speaks life’ naturally and has been consistently teaching US what that means.

At the school she attends, they work on a character trait each month and two students receive an award in each category.  She has waited each month to be recognized for something…  This month is LOVE.  When she told me what they were working on, I had a hunch that this would be her month.  Sure enough, when the students were chosen, she got in the car that day and could hardly get the words out that she had finally gotten an award and it was for LOVE.  She beamed as she held up the certificate and my heart wanted to burst inside.  All these days, months, and years of ‘staying the course’ with sleep training, first-time obedience, and steering her heart toward the things of God were visible in this one moment.

So the take away is this: Be encouraged!  Sometimes the hardest things we face in parenting, with much prayer, patience, practice, and perseverance, will turn out to be the things that bless us the most.  No child is beyond hope, help, or the grace of God.  If you wait upon the Lord, obey His Word, and follow His precepts, the fruit will come.  And it’s not always the children who need the training.  We parents need to grow in knowledge, wisdom, and understanding as well.  We may plant and water, but it is the Lord who makes things grow (1 Cor. 3:7).

 

Julie Bame is wife to Rich, mom to three beautiful girls, a Contact Mom for Christian Family Heritage, and Worship Coordinator at North Clinton Church.  Rich and Julie are passionate to see the Kingdom come in all of life, but especially so in marriages and families.  They count it a great privilege to walk the journey of parenting with anyone who will join them.

 

Write It Down; Make It Happen

posted in: Routine, Training 1

I listened to a podcast a few years ago that talked about the importance of writing out your goals. Just by physically writing something down, you are 80% more likely to be successful. Just by writing it down!

Today, I write down everything: grocery lists, words of encouragement, daily activities, weekly weather forecasts, birthdays, appointments, and meal plans.  This helps me visualize what our week will look like and keeps me on task by knowing what’s ahead.  I spend about twenty minutes every Sunday taking a look at the week ahead.  Then I write down what I’d like to see happen.

We learned in Toddlerhood Transitions that structuring your child’s day is important. Children behave better with a set routine because they know what to expect. So when we combine that fact with the effectiveness gained by writing down a schedule, we not only increase our success in achieving our goals, but have better behaved children: less tantrums, less arguing, and less nagging by Mom and Dad!

The start of a new year is such a great time to reassess where we are. What are we doing well? Where can we make improvement? Our family doesn’t necessarily set New Year’s resolutions but we do set goals in five main areas: physical, financial, spiritual, home, and work.

 

Physical

Two years ago I made a commitment to exercise at home. I follow a timed workout series and each week I write down the length of the daily workouts to best know how they will fit into that day.

How do we make time to work out? It takes discipline. It may mean waking early before the children. It may mean exercising during naptime when the little ones are resting.  I want my children to know that exercise is important so I often include them in this hour of the day. My older children will play basketball or ride bikes in our driveway and my younger children will stay on a blanket near me with a basket of toys. (This doubles as blanket time for them!)

 

Financial

One category of our financial plan is managing our household grocery budget. It seems that each year this category of spending increases as we have more children and the children grow and have bigger appetites!

I have learned that creating a weekly meal plan significantly saves money in grocery spending. I can plan for our busy nights by making stress-free meals (crock pot, grilled cheese and soup, or breakfast). By writing down our meals, I’m able to plan a variety of foods so every night isn’t chicken, and this helps expand the palates of our picky eaters! I can double a Monday recipe to eat leftovers on Wednesday. Through meal planning, I’ve also realized we have some predictable patterns, for example “Taco Tuesdays” or “Crockpot Wednesdays.” I keep a 3-ring binder of our recipes printed out so when I can’t think of a meal, I have an easy go-to resource.

 

Spiritual

Carving out time to spend with the Lord is the most important thing we can do, yet sometimes it can be the hardest to schedule. When your house is full of little ones, sleep is so vital for weary moms and nap time is just never long enough. Quiet time should be out of devotion and not just duty. Often times for me, it is just a simple prayer before getting out of bed. On good days, it may be reading a whole chapter of the Bible or an online devotional. There are days my quiet time consists of worship music playing in the car while driving carpool or playing from my phone while doing dishes. I’ve learned that God speaks even when we are weary and exhausted and only offer Him the slimmest margins in our day.  I keep post-it notes handy for writing down encouraging Scripture verses or lyrics from worship songs.  Sometimes I just jot down a word or theme I feel the Lord whispering to me to remind me of His plans and purpose for my day in the midst of my own agenda.

 

Home

Often it can feel overwhelming to keep up with the housework required to run a home efficiently.  There are the things that have to happen like cooking, laundry, cleaning, and yardwork, and then there are the things you want to happen like organizing the junk drawers, cleaning out closets or creating a gallery wall of photos. Instead of feeling overwhelmed by it all, I try to pick one easy-to-accomplish task per week. One drawer. One closet. Printing out a new photo. There are several weeks where nothing extra happens and that’s life and it’s OKAY.

If your kids are older, get them involved in the process. They can certainly do chores but also help with the extras.  For instance, my 5- and 7-year-old are capable of cleaning out their toys and school supply drawers.

 

Work

If you’re a stay-at-home mom, your work goals may be what you’re working on with your children.  For example, I recently realized our 18-month-old was outside of the funnel.  My husband and I went out of town for 48 hours and my mother-in-law stayed with our 4 children. When we returned home, we were greeted with words of exhaustion and frustration! Our toddler had worn her out by emptying out cabinets and drawers and getting into all sorts of items that were off-limits. My work goal that week was getting this child back into the funnel. I set up the pack-n-play and got back into the routine of “playpen time!”

With our older children, my work goal was to improve their levels of responsibility. We have a pretty consistent routine of getting up, getting dressed, making the beds, combing the hair, eating breakfast and packing up bookbags each morning.  But here it was January and I found myself asking the same questions each morning: “Have you done your chores?” “Did you pack your snack?” I realized I was “taking back monkeys” that belonged to my children.  As I learned in Growing Kids God’s Way, it was time to use some monkey repellent!

Evaluate where you are in your children’s character training and set goals for yourself and your children. And be sure to not only write them down, but also share them with your kids.

 

And lastly, always remember there is grace for each season. When I find myself overwhelmed, I can easily just take a glance at my calendar and see the reasons why. Our schedule may be too full, I’m squeezing too much into too little time, and I’m not leaving enough margin for life that happens outside of the written routine. Give yourself grace and remember God’s mercies are new each morning.

 

 

Blaire Johnson is a stay-at-home mom to four children ages 9, 7, 5 and 18 months. She and her husband, Travis, have been involved in the GFI ministry since 2008 and have led classes since 2012. They live in Mt Pleasant, South Carolina.

 

 

What Is Love?

 

In last week’s blog we discovered that, as parents, we need to show love as much as we need to teach about it. This week I am hoping to help you begin to give your children visible and tangible applications of what love is.

I was introduced recently to something in the Bible that really showed me the depth of love. It comes from Galatians 5:16-26. The passage begins by talking about how we need to walk in the Spirit and lay our “flesh” aside. For children, laying our “flesh” aside might not make a lot of sense. They might think,

“Am I supposed to lay down so my skin is touching the ground?” You can explain that their feelings are part of the “flesh” and can’t always be trusted. Later on the passage talks about what those actions of the “flesh” or “feelings” might look like. Let me tell you, it isn’t pretty: jealousies, outbursts of anger, selfishness… and the list goes on. Finally, in verse 22, there is a “lightbulb moment” to give us the proper alternative to those “fleshly” acts. Here is where love comes in. The first words of the verse are, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love…”  Notice how the word “fruit” is singular. It is one fruit and that fruit is love!!! Out of that love flow all the other qualities that help our children to battle those sinful feelings that arise. So out of love flows…

  1. Joy
  2. Peace
  3. Patience
  4. Kindness
  5. Goodness
  6. Faithfulness
  7. Gentleness
  8. Self-Control

I know this might rock your theology. I, too, had always been taught that the Fruit of the Spirit had many parts; this is true. But when we see from last week’s blog what love is and isn’t and we know that God is love, doesn’t it just make sense that out of love flow all these character qualities? Out of the depths of love come joy, peace, patience, etc. So the next time one of your children is faced with a “fleshly” or “sinful feelings” moment, remind them that God created them to LOVE!!! Then you can help them choose the character quality of love that will reach their heart to resolve the situation. Who knows? Maybe love being shown in the form of patience with a sibling will help them learn to hear God’s voice and sense His Spirit for the next time they are faced with a similar situation. A great question to ask is, “What character quality of love do you need in this situation?”

 

To view Part One, click here.

Cynthia Schrock was born in Ohio but grew up on the mission field with her parents in Quito, Ecuador. She married her wonderful husband Eric in 1990. They have two beautiful children: Ashley is 24 and Matthew is 19. In 2016 Cynthia completed a 13 year long journey of homeschooling. Eric and Cynthia have been involved in marriage and parenting ministry for 22 years. Cynthia is a Contact Mom, helping moms with solutions in their daily parenting struggles.  She has also authored a book on celebrating others called The Ultimate Gift of a Birthday.

What Is Love?

 

During this month of February, so much emphasis is put on love. Most of the time this love is expressed in the form of flowers, candy, and cards. In terms of parenting our children, though, love is one of those attributes of God that is caught as much as it is taught. Most of you already know the love chapter in the Bible – 1 Corinthians 13.

Love…

  1. is patient
  2. is kind
  3. is not jealous
  4. does not brag
  5. is not proud
  6. is not rude
  7. is not selfish
  8. cannot be made angry easily
  9. does not remember wrongs
  10. is not happy when others do wrong
  11. is always happy with the truth
  12. never gives up on people
  13. does not stop trusting
  14. never loses hope
  15. never quits

As you look over this list as a parent, ask yourself, “Am I allowing my children to catch love as much as I am teaching it?”  As moms, our lives can be busy and sometimes overwhelming. When we are feeling overwhelmed and our children ask us a question, are we still showing patience amidst our busyness? When our children are characterized by something that is not pleasant, are we speaking life and helping them find the virtue instead of keeping a record of wrongs? Love is one of those qualities that will reach their hearts the most and make the biggest impact when it is lived out and not just taught. Set the example and when you fail, show love by “never quitting” and being quick to repent. Those are the moments that will cause them to trust you for a lifetime.

 

Cynthia Schrock was born in Ohio but grew up on the mission field with her parents in Quito, Ecuador. She married her wonderful husband Eric in 1990. They have two beautiful children: Ashley is 24 and Matthew is 19. In 2016 Cynthia completed a 13 year long journey of homeschooling. Eric and Cynthia have been involved in marriage and parenting ministry for 22 years. Cynthia is a Contact Mom, helping moms with solutions in their daily parenting struggles.  She has also authored a book on celebrating others called The Ultimate Gift of a Birthday.
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