19 Mar 2018

Independent Play: Flourishing Creativity Beyond the Playpen

by | posted in: Moral Training, Playpen, Toddlers & Preschoolers, Training | 0

Some of the earlier posts on this blog have laid out great examples of independent play and how to get started in it. When we first learned about independent play in the Prep for the Toddler Years material, one of the things that really appealed to us was the long-term benefit – we were laying foundational skills that would carry into their school years and beyond.

As our children sleep less during the day, we wonder how to fill the looming hours with an active toddler or preschooler roaming the house. This is when filling the week with activities outside the home or using screens becomes very tempting! Neither of these things are wrong but it is very tempting to overuse them.

Is it possible to survive a day at home with 3 children under 5 without screens?

Is it possible to enjoy it??

The preschool years with our kids were some of my favorite years as a parent. I loved being at home with them (most days!), watching and encouraging their curiosity, developing skills and personalities. I think one of the greatest enemies to our children blossoming through these years is over scheduling of activities outside the home.  Being at home with your kids is not so common these days and it takes effort. We did have some activities outside of the house that we went to, but I tried to make sure we were home more than we were out. Their days were filled with blocks of time that had a balance and rhythm to them. Playpen and roomtime, outside time, helping with chores and cooking, puzzles, music fun, story time, making forts, rests and snuggles. Sometimes I did an activity with just one child while another was sleeping or playing independently. Sometimes all the kids had independent things to do while I was doing something else. We gradually changed the rhythms as new babies joined the family and the older children grew. All this was an extension of the teaching we took ahold of from our earliest parenting days.

As mentioned in the “waketime activities” chapters throughout the On Becoming series, part of being a thinking and intentional parent means you understand the benefits having a balance of free-time and parent-directed activities in your child’s day. Both have a place in their development. Lessons learned in the playpen can be extended far beyond room time and blanket time.

Independent playtime is a combination of direction and freedom for the child. Given directed time, a place (playpen, room, blanket, highchair, table, or sandpit), and a few play items the child is then free to imagine, create, and try new ideas.  One of the valuable skills learned in independent playtime is self-play adeptness. It is the ability of a child to be creative and entertain themselves, but it is a concept that can seem very foreign in this age of entertainment. The easiest option for parents since the invention of TV has been to keep a child occupied in front of a screen. The only difference in the last 50 years is that screens have just gotten more and more sophisticated, alluring, and portable. Your child doesn’t even have to entertain himself in the car or shopping cart anymore.  But there is a better way. Taking time to develop self-play adeptness will help our children develop to their full potential.

We sometimes used a timer for structured playtime, but often it was the length of a tape or CD they were listening to. The fanciest logic game apps do not give the problem-solving skills that the hours our three boys spent listening to the Hobbit or other wonderful adventures while creating Lego constructions did.  These are some of their favorite memories, alongside their outside adventures in the sandpit or back yard. As our children got older, playpen and roomtime creations with blocks and Duplos became amazing Lego creations and then woodwork or sewing projects, music compositions – the list goes on. This is when sitting and focusing skills, and self-play adeptness really pay off and reap future dividends.

The common denominator in our children’s growth and development was intentional time set aside to create and develop skills.  Start carving out independent playtime today to begin fostering creativity and self-play adeptness.

 

Linda and Jeff Gage have 4 children ages 16 to 23.  They have lived in New Zealand and Missouri and are now living in the heat and dust of Riverside, California.  Jeff is a Professor of Nursing. Linda is transitioning from homeschool teacher back to nursing, working with new mothers and babies. They have used GFI principles in their own family from the birth of their first child and have mentored many families over the years through teaching classes and providing Contact Mom support. They are now also using the principles to support young and at-risk parents.
11 Mar 2018

Defining Independent Play

by | posted in: Moral Training, Toddlers & Preschoolers, Training | 0

Why is independent play so important? I think in today’s day and age we need to define what independent play is.

Independent Play is…

  1. Being able to play alone.
  2. Being able to be self-motivated in that play time.
  3. A time to be creative and imaginative.

Independent Play is not…

  1. Playing with gaming devices.
  2. Playing gaming/digital devices with headphones on.
  3. Using any digital technology.

Some might look at this list in today’s culture and say “the first definition without the items listed in the second is impossible.”  Why not take the challenge?  See if you can have your child play independently for a length of time for two days in a row, using the definition of independent play given above.  It might be easier than you think.  Start with a short amount of time and each day add 5 or 10 minutes until you reach your goal.

Why is it important to eliminate gaming devices from independent play time? Because gaming devices leave no room for creativity. They don’t foster self-motivation in your child’s heart. Yes, they are pushing buttons and yes, they might be thinking but they are being told what to think and are, therefore, not thinking for themselves. The key to independent play is to help children grow into healthy adults that are self-motivated learners.

Children with initiative can be independent learners without needing to be told what to do or what to think. If they are creative in play now, they will be creative in work in the future. Being able to play alone teaches the skill of self-motivation. Self-motivated people become problem solvers. They are able to think quickly on their feet without extra stimulation. This is the type of person that becomes a world changer. So if your children give you a hard time about playing independently, just tell them, “You can thank me later because I am helping you to become a world changer.” They might not understand that now but their future is bright, all because you, as a parent, taught them the skill of independent play.

 

Cynthia Schrock was born in Ohio but grew up on the mission field with her parents in Quito, Ecuador. She married her wonderful husband Eric in 1990. They have two beautiful children: Ashley is 24 and Matthew is 19. In 2016 Cynthia completed a 13 year long journey of homeschooling. Eric and Cynthia have been involved in marriage and parenting ministry for 22 years. Cynthia is a Contact Mom, helping moms with solutions in their daily parenting struggles.  She has also authored a book on celebrating others called The Ultimate Gift of a Birthday.

 

5 Mar 2018

It’s Playpen Time!

by | posted in: Routine, Toddlers & Preschoolers, Training | 0

 

How old should your baby be to start using a playpen?  6 months?  9 months?  A year?  Never?

Did you know that playpens can be introduced in baby’s first month of life? Babywise says, “Parents can begin using the playpen as a portable bed soon after their baby is born…” p. 172, 5th edition.

While some moms use them exclusively when traveling and others might think that playpens come in handy only after a baby becomes mobile, we used ours from the get-go with our 3 kids.  Here are some reasons why:

  • we wanted the playpen to be a familiar space so that they wouldn’t object to it when older
  • our families lived out-of-state so we needed a portable crib that they were already comfortable sleeping in
  • we understood the importance of playpen time as part of baby’s routine
  • we wanted a safe environment to place our baby/toddler in while we carried groceries in from the car, attended to the laundry, or had another reason to leave the room for a few minutes.

 

Babywise II explains in the Topic Pool chapter that playpens offer a structured learning environment.  For babies that can sit up, a playpen:

  • offers a distraction-free zone that nurtures creativity
  • promotes focused and concentrated play
  • fosters the joy of discovery
  • increases attention span
  • encourages the ability to entertain self
  • teaches orderliness as a pre-toddler learns to “help” clean-up at the end of playpen time

Our boys loved playpen time (for the most part!) and starting early helped them feel comfortable in it.  We had morning and afternoon play times, usually when I was preparing a meal or cleaning up.  We used the playpen when the boys were fresh, usually shortly after feeding.  The time increments started small, maybe 5 or 10 minutes, but as they grew older, we used it for up to 30 minutes at a time.  The playpen sat where I could peep around a corner or counter to keep my eye on them, but they couldn’t see me.  I varied the location of the playpen depending on my needs on a particular day.  Portable timers (the old-fashioned ticking versions) let them know when playpen time ended.

Playpen time sets the foundation for room time as our kids become older.  Knowing that each boy had independent play time in their rooms gave me the respite I needed too.  So start now, you’ll be glad you did!

 

Bethany Mounts and her husband, Brian live in the Charleston, SC area with their three sons. They lead classes together and Bethany serves on the board for Christian Family Heritage in addition to being a Contact Mom.
27 Feb 2018

The Family Table – Positive Peer Pressure for Picky Eaters

by | posted in: Moral Training, Training | 0

We all want to raise children who will make healthy choices about food as adults.  As is true with so many aspects of parenting, there are many steps we need to take to reach our goal and a wise parent starts working on this in infancy. “Begin as you mean to go”, first introduced to us in Preparation for Parenting and revisited successively in the following courses, has many practical applications at the family dining table.

Three of our teen and young adult children are currently home alone, looking after each other while we are traveling overseas for three weeks. The success of this time has been years in the making. What kind of choices will they make to feed themselves while we are not there?

From our Preparation for Parenting days, the Ezzos encouraged us to be mindful of the importance of the ‘why’ behind how we approach feeding our children. Food (bottle or breastfeeding) should not be the way we consistently block crying. As our children grow into the toddler and preschool years, it can be easy to use food in responding to discipline issues – either as a bribe to get good behavior or to stop whining. But neither of these will produce good long-term fruit in your child’s behavior or your parenting skill set. Instead, food and mealtimes should be used as a wonderful opportunity for training, reinforced by the positive peer pressure found in family mealtimes.

Here are some ways to build good habits:

  • As your pre-toddler is introduced to new foods, encourage them to taste a little from the family table. When starting solids, some babies will initially object to new tastes and textures. Do not take initial rejections as a life-long dislike. Try again at another meal.
  • Sometimes family meal times will not line up with a pre-toddler’s mealtime routine but a few mouthfuls from the family meal is a good investment in future participation. Trying some of Daddy’s food can be a very appealing activity for young children.
  • Don’t get into the habit of disguising vegetables in other foods all the time. Allow your child time to try different tastes and textures regularly. Present them in a variety of ways. Keep trying.
  • What you have in the pantry and refrigerator will be what your children get used to eating. Help them make healthy choices by not buying junk. It will help you too.
  • Treats should be treats.  Enough said! We are so spoiled with choice.
  • When introducing unfamiliar foods, put just a couple of bites of something new on their plates. Require them to have one bite. We saw success in this area with our son who hated mushrooms.  With time and patience, they are now his favorite vegetable. It is OK to have some foods they are not so keen on, but we still required them to have a small portion of something they didn’t yet like.
  • What about Mom and Dad’s own habits as a role model? We set the tone for table manners as well as attitudes about trying new foods. Little eyes are watching.
  • Participating in preparing food helps encourage the desire to try it. It can be messy and time consuming at first, but is well worth the effort in the end. Your future son- or daughter-in-law will thank you.
  • Don’t use dessert as a bribe, but you can be matter-of-fact about not having any dessert until a reasonable attempt has been made on the main course.

The family table is a place of memories. Be intentional about both the food choices and atmosphere. Family fellowship around food results in fond memories.  The tastes and smells, along with laughter and intentional conversation, both every day and on special occasions, builds through their growing up years. Don’t underestimate the power of eating together regularly.

 

Linda and Jeff Gage have 4 children ages 16 to 23.  They have lived in New Zealand and Missouri and are now living in the heat and dust of Riverside, California.  Jeff is a Professor of Nursing. Linda is transitioning from homeschool teacher back to nursing, working with new mothers and babies. They have used GFI principles in their own family from the birth of their first child and have mentored many families over the years through teaching classes and providing Contact Mom support. They are now also using the principles to support young and at-risk parents.
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