4 Dec 2018

Why We Don’t Open Presents on Christmas Day at Our House

by | posted in: Holidays | 0

 

It started out innocently enough. One year, before Chuck and I had kids or much money to spend, we decided to forego our gift exchange and wait until the after-Christmas sales to purchase a small stereo system we were wanting for our home. Due to my job, we couldn’t travel to see extended family but with our Christmas day free, we decided to visit Chuck’s Great-Aunt Myrtie who lived in a nursing home across town. Not only did we have a delightful and relaxed Christmas that year, we discovered it was a blessing to give of our time on Christmas day.

That first year we were able to spend time with Aunt Myrtie who was a great prayer warrior and always an encouragement to us. We were able to also greet and chat with others in her nursing home who didn’t always have visitors on Christmas. As believers young in our faith, the Lord used this experience to open our eyes that He could use us to bless others. We also learned that we would be greatly blessed. We were hooked. That year we decided we would do this again, every year.

And we did. We would get up early on Christmas morning and read the Christmas story. We would light our advent candles and then we would head out to visit!  As our children came along we engaged them in the process. We also became a big hit at the nursing home! People would always light up when they saw little ones and we encouraged our kids to greet each one. As they got older, we would bake cookies to hand out to the residents and the nursing staff. We always attached a verse of Scripture and a Christmas greeting to each packet. We would sing Christmas carols as we went from room to room. Some years we were joined by extended family members and friends who would add instruments and voices to our caroling. We would share the story of Jesus with those we would visit and we would pray for them. We would also be sure to ask them questions and listen to them. We have learned so much from the people we have met through the years. We always come home feeling we have received more than we have given.

Aunt Myrtie lived to see her 102nd Christmas and 2 of our 4 children. We still miss her. After she was gone we continued our tradition of visiting a nursing home or sometimes the hospital if I was working on Christmas day. We also would do most of our shopping after Christmas and usually opened our presents New Year’s Day. It was always a fun week filled with wrapping presents and keeping secrets and days spent together as a family. Our boys never seemed to mind waiting and actually enjoyed getting to see what gifts their friends received on Christmas.

I don’t have room to share all the blessings this one tradition has brought to our family. It was a practical way we could teach and model to our boys how to live out our faith and give to the Lord by giving to others. Christmas is His birthday, after all, so we taught our boys that blessing others was the best birthday gift we could give to Him. Our boys love and honor the aged. They learned how to ask questions, to listen, and to value what these wonderful people had to share. It helped them to think of others and to reach out in spite of shyness. This also led to further ministry to the residents we got to know. In their teen years our boys were part of our church youth group who went monthly to the local nursing home to minister to the residents through Bible teaching and songs. Our son Patrick was the first to get married and couldn’t wait to bring his wife, Renee, along to experience our Christmas. It truly is a highlight of our holiday season each year.

We aren’t able to continue this practice every year now that our children are grown and living in various states and countries, but we still cherish the times we are able to do so, as well as the many wonderful memories we have of so many Christmases past. The spirit of this tradition lives on in my children and their families as they look for ways to reach out to people wherever they are, both in holiday season and out. Such traditions can be a wonderful way to bring depth of meaning to the holidays. They can help us to be intentional in teaching our children to better understand and share their faith.   Whatever your traditions and however you celebrate, may you have a truly joyous, Christ-centered Christmas!

 

Beth Ann Plumberg has been a Contact Mom since 1995. She has been married to Chuck for 36 years. They are active in teaching parents in their local church. They have 4 grown sons, 4 beautiful daughters-in-love, 3 adorable grandchildren and #4 is on the way!
28 Nov 2018

Connect by Disconnecting – Replace Screen-time with Family Time

by | posted in: Family Identity | 1

The internet and use of personal screen devices exploded during our kids’ teen years. We had successfully negotiated the perils of TV and done a pretty good job in general with parenting inside the funnel during their growing up years. Our teens were all actively involved in church, serving on music teams and in children’s ministry, and were mostly a delight to be around.  But there was a crafty fox that had crept into our vineyard unawares with evil intent and he was aiming right for our children’s hearts and minds with a new “weapon” we totally underestimated.

It is easy to find information now about the dangers of the internet and over-use of screens and social media. Don’t put your head in the sand. Watch the documentaries. Read the research and articles. The internet and social media can have devastating effects on the nicest of Christian kids. The effects on brain development can be awful and the distorted effect on self-image can be just as damaging.

From one mother to another – this is not just a problem for our kids, is it?

There is a passage of Scripture from Deuteronomy that is so relevant here.  Verses 6 and 7 say: These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.  Impress them on  your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Did you notice what that said?  First, “These commandments that I give you today are to be on YOUR hearts” THEN “Impress them upon your children” How is your social media use? What is your first go-to in the morning? Where do you go for advice? What are the foxes that are sneaking into the vineyard of your heart? The digital example you set for your children will have far more impact on them than the verbal warnings you give them.

Don’t undo all your wonderful parenting by allowing technology to kidnap your child’s or teen’s heart and mind. Yes, technology is useful and helpful but, and it is a huge BUT, the balance can be really hard to keep in check. Keep limits and boundaries in place for both you and your children.

Here are some suggestions:

  • Designate tech-free zones such as the dinner table and overnight in the bedroom.
  • Limit screen time while traveling in the car so you can talk instead.
  • Plan tech-free family outings for a day at the beach or lake.
  • Brainstorm family fun night activities and enjoy some goofy time together at least twice a month.
  • Encourage your children to have some old-fashioned screen-free fun: charades, read-alouds, nature walks, or making homemade pizzas.

So, get off the screens. Gather around the table for conversation. Get out of the house. Enjoy nature and relationships face to face. Talk, cuddle, enjoy imaginary play, games, jokes, and good books (the kind with pages) and don’t fool yourself that the versions of these things on screens as just as good. They are not. Be intentional about what and when you use screens for and, when in doubt, err on the side of less.

None of this is rocket science, but it is those small everyday decisions that create the habits of the heart and will continue throughout your life.

For more information, see the 2-CD set iImpact: Where’s the Balance? at christianfamilyheritage.org

 

Linda and Jeff Gage have 4 children ages 17 to 24.  They have lived in New Zealand and Missouri and are now living in the heat and dust of Riverside, California.  Jeff is a Professor of Nursing. Linda is transitioning from homeschool teacher back to nursing, working with new mothers and babies. They have used GFI principles in their own family from the birth of their first child and have mentored many families over the years through teaching classes and providing Contact Mom support. They are now also using the principles to support young and at-risk parents.
19 Nov 2018

Thankfulness Changes Everything

by | posted in: Speak Life | 1

Thankfulness Changes Everything

How does thankfulness enable others to see the glory of God?

 

What motivates thankfulness?  Is a thankful heart only present when good things happen and life goes our way?   What about when things aren’t going well or we’re going through hard times; what role does thankfulness play then?  Thankfulness can enable others to see the glory of God.

 

Psalm 50:23 – But giving thanks is a sacrifice that truly honors Me.  If you keep to My path, I will reveal to you the salvation of God.

 

We’ve all had those friends, or maybe even our children, who have a hard time being thankful.  Maybe they have been dealt some tough blows so you can understand why they may be struggling.  But when their conversations turn into constant negativity, I tend to shy away from spending time with them, or at least give up trying to encourage them to find something to be thankful for.

Conversely, I have other friends who have dealt with unimaginable loss, pain, heart-ache, long-term difficulties, and tragedies and yet continue to be filled with gratitude — even being thankful for the horrible adversity they have suffered.  They remain so blessed and grateful in their everyday walk that you can easily see the glory of God and their faith in God as they journey through life.

 

Isaiah 12:4 – In that wonderful day you will sing:  Thank the Lord!  Praise His name!  Tell the nations what He has done.  Let them know how mighty He is!

 

Recently I had a conversation with one of my adult children who was wrestling with some major life decisions and feeling very overwhelmed with the unsettled situation.  I reminded them to find at least one thing in the day to be thankful for (something we used to do at the dinner table each night before our children could talk about the things that went wrong in their school day).  Additionally, I encouraged my child to remember that a simple prayer is always calming.  When you give your difficult situations to God, it takes the pressure off of you.  If you tried and did your best, that’s all you can do; let God do the rest!

The more thankful I am in all of life circumstances, the more ‘different’ I become and God is reflected in me.  I have found with my adult children, and even my grandchildren, that I am the constant cheerleader reminding them of how blessed we are and how remaining thankful in ALL circumstances makes each day a lot easier (I Thessalonians 5:18).  Being a thankful person helps the world we are living in see our faith and want to know why we are different.

1 Chronicles 16:8 – Give thanks to the Lord and proclaim His Greatness.  Let the whole world know what He has done.

 

Thankfulness really does change everything and allows those around us to the see the glory of God.

 

Lori Moore has served the ministries of Growing Families (National Ministry Coordinator) and Christian Family Heritage (Volunteer Ministry Coordinator) for more than 15 years.  Growing up in the Midwest, Lori and her husband, Joe (and doggie Sophie) make their home in Burlington, IA.  Lori is an advocate for many — volunteering her time, talents and treasures to impact the lives of other people.  Lori loves spending her time with her grandchildren, children, friends, extended family and her community.   Lori enjoys traveling with her husband, walking her dog, and loving and serving people.

 

12 Nov 2018

Are Your Children Ready For the Holidays?

by | posted in: Family Identity, Holidays | 0

Busy fall days are upon us and before we know it, the holidays will be here! No doubt you are already making preparations for Thanksgiving, planning events for the upcoming Christmas season, and making your gift shopping lists and checking them twice. Have you thought about also using this time to prepare your children for the holidays? In our crazy-busy lives filled with a long list of “to-dos”, it can be easy to forget to be mindful of teaching our children as well. While we want to create fun and  memorable times to enjoy as families, we also need to be training our children how to give and be a blessing to others during the holiday season. One of the more practical ways we do this is by simply teaching them manners. If I could give you one thing you could do today to make your holidays more enjoyable this year it would be to begin now to train your children in the manners you would like to see them exhibit with others this holiday season.

Here’s a practical list of what to teach to get you started. With a little thought I’m sure you can add things that are specific to your situation and important to your family.

  • Introductions

Teach your children to greet others with a hello and a hand-shake, and to look them in the eye and smile. If you are hosting and your children are old enough, teach them to greet guests at the door, take their coats, and invite them in while speaking words of welcome.

  • The art of conversation

Holidays are full of new people or family members who are seen but once a year. Let your children know who they are likely to see and talk about how they can be a blessing to each one. Give them information about family members they don’t know well and help them find something they can ask about or say to engage them.  You can make it more fun if you give them things to ask, like “Be sure to ask Uncle Dave to tell you about how he taught Mommy to play football.”  Or “Ask Aunt Jane about the time he tried to give the cat a sun tan!”

Teach them how to listen to the conversation at the table and how to appropriately interject  without excessive silliness or distracting behaviors. Prepare them to answer questions the adults will ask. Even our shy children can converse well if they have prepared something to share about life or activities they enjoy. At our family Thanksgiving gathering, before the prayer, each family member shares something from the past year for which they are thankful. We had our boys think about this ahead of time so they were ready when their turn came to speak. By being able to engage with adults, our children can be a huge blessing to extended family members who are anxious to connect with them.

  • Table manners

Table manners are something we work on often, but at home things can be more relaxed and informal, so we may need to shore up any manners that we have let slip. Things like:

  • Chew quietly with your mouth closed.
  • Don’t talk with your mouth full.
  • Keep your elbows off the table.
  • Don’t make faces or rude remarks about food you don’t like. Politely refuse food that is offered that you don’t want.
  • Pass food items without reaching in front of others.
  • Say please and thank you.

Larger gatherings may require some additional training. How will the food be served? Will it be family style at the table or a buffet? Train them ahead of time how to take a reasonable serving and to carefully carry their plates to the table. Teach children to let others go first.  Once our boys were old enough to get their own plates, we taught them to wait for the adults to be served first as a way to honor age. It also taught them patience!

  • HOW to teach this with only 2 weeks until Thanksgiving!!

Role play! Identify the areas you want to concentrate on teaching your children. (Hopefully you have been teaching them the basics before now!) Take them through the process step-by-step, teaching them what to say or do (and what not to) in each situation. This can actually be a fun activity! For example, have Dad ring the doorbell when he gets home from work and let your child practice answering the door. Let your child take turns being the host and the guest and practice it many times so he can get it right. Serve dinner buffet style to teach them how to properly fill their plates. Pretend to be different family members at the table and practice talking to them. Ask your kids questions they will likely hear (How’s school? What fun things are you doing now?) and help them to think of various things they can say in response. Preparing our children ahead of time can save us from having to teach or correct in the moment when we want to be enjoying our family holiday.

  • And don’t forget to teach the WHY!

Why are manners important? We love, because He first loved us  we read in 1 John 4:19. Our children need to learn that we love Christ by loving others and manners is a means to do that. Even a child is known by his actions, by whether his conduct is pure and right. (Proverbs 20:11)

Teaching manners is a practical tool in virtuous living that gives our kids handles to grasp the biblical truths we teach them everyday. Manners are the rubber-meets-the-road “how-tos” of thinking of others and showing love, kindness, patience, gratitude, and self-control. Connecting the action with the moral and practical reason helps your child remember and follow through.

Here are a few verses you can use to explain the moral reason behind the manners you are teaching.

Colossians 3:12 So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

Philippians 2:3-5  Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus,

Colossians 4:6 Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person.

1 Corinthians 13:4 Love is patient, love is kind.

1 Corinthians 13:5 Love is not rude.

Ephesians 4:32 Be kind to one another.

1 Peter 3:8  Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous;

Hebrews 13:2 Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it.

There are so many benefits to preparing our children for the holidays through training them in manners. Your family can be a blessing to your extended family and friends and show Christ to them through the beauty of loving actions. Training them ahead of time can free you to spend your time investing in others and avoid having to correct your children during holiday visits. Pre-instructing your children in what to expect, as well as what is expected, can help them to choose right actions and give them concrete ways to be a blessing to others. The holidays are a great time to give your children real world experience in the art of putting others’ interests ahead of their own!

Beth Ann Plumberg is a Contact Mom for Christian Family Heritage. She is wife to Chuck, mom to four grown boys and 3 daughters-in-love and grandma to 3 precious babies. Chuck and Beth Ann are active in their local church discipling young parents and leading classes.
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