22 Mar 2019

Turn Transitions into Memorable Milestones

by | posted in: Transitions | 0

I still remember the scene: I was standing in my kitchen surrounded by cardboard boxes, packing tissue was scattered across the floor, my ankles were swollen from 7 months of pregnancy, and there in the screen of my video monitor was my growing toddler napping peacefully in his crib.  How were we going to do this? We had sold our house and needed to move in the next couple of weeks.  I had planned to move our toddler to a big bed so I could use his crib for the new baby.  We were also planning to potty-train to eliminate the cost of two children in diapers. It all felt very overwhelming.

I remember that scene so well because it was a watershed moment. Although the tasks at hand seemed so insurmountable, I came to the realization that they just required me to take one step at a time. We moved. Our toddler potty-trained with success and his crib was handed down to his baby sister as planned. That same crib was just recently handed down to our 5th child. We’ve moved two more times and we’ve potty-trained three more children. Of course these aren’t the only transitions you’ll face in parenting, but as I’ve experienced these, I have learned a few things along the way.

 

  1. Be Prepared

Prepare your work outside; get everything ready for yourself in the field, and after that build your house. Proverbs 24:27

We wouldn’t have gone into potty-training without first buying the underwear, stocking up on treat-rewards, and of course reading the Potty-Training 1-2-3 book! Same with moving from a crib to a bed. How is the child’s self-control? How is his 1st time obedience?  Preparing for this transition requires these virtues to be in place.  We currently have a pre-teen son at home who is about to enter the adolescence stage of life. We are reading all we can so we will know how to best handle this transition with him. Most transitions can be anticipated. Your baby will start to crawl; how will you keep her occupied so you can cook dinner or shower? (Buy a playpen) Think ahead to upcoming transitions in your family and how you and your spouse can prepare for them.

 

  1. Stay Mindful

So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.  Galatians 6:9

I would like to snap my fingers and sail through transitions. I’ve found the ‘sailing’ increasingly more difficult with subsequent children. My expectation is for them to follow their older sibling’s path: sleep through the night at the same age, potty-train at the same age, and respond the same way to discipline and correction. The reality is we are all unique and our children are no exception. Transitions will look different for each child and we need to stay mindful of this. There will be failed attempts and frustrations, but it doesn’t mean we are failing as parents. We just may need a new approach. Our 4th child really struggled to sit with the family during dinner time. He would want to get out of his high chair before the meal was over. Dinnertime became a battle. Why was he so much harder to train than our others? We came to realize that he didn’t have the same level of self-control because it wasn’t practiced as much. We ordered groceries online, so he never sat in a grocery cart while I shopped. We didn’t go out to dinner as much as a family anymore either, so he wasn’t used to sitting in a restaurant. Our lifestyle had shifted since we had our first two children. This realization led us to focus on self-control training more at home.

 

  1. Make it Memorable

This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24

Celebrate the transitions and enjoy the defining moments. In the busyness and chaos of the daily routine, we can easily pass over the opportunities to turn transitions into memorable milestones. Find unique and creative ways to celebrate. A couple of summers ago, we found a house that better suited our family’s growing needs and we made an impulse decision to move. It required a lot of work: packing up our current house, renovating the new house, and multiple trips back and forth. Our summer plans went out the window as we focused on the move.  A couple of days after moving in, we surprised our children with a fun family vacation to Florida – it commemorated the hard work of the summer and celebrated the transition to a new community. Not all transitions are rewarded with such grand celebrations, but choosing to elevate the moments helps make our transitions memorable.

 

Change can be hard, and transitions usually signify leaving behind what is comfortable. But they also mean moving forward to what’s ahead.

 

Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.

Deuteronomy 31:8

 

 

Blaire Johnson is a stay-at-home mom to four children ages 9, 7, 5 and 18 months. She and her husband, Travis, have been involved in the GFI ministry since 2008 and have led classes since 2012. They live in Mt Pleasant, South Carolina.

 

18 Mar 2019

Tune your Transitions

by | posted in: Middle Years, Transitions | 0

The passage of one stage to another, this is the definition of a transition.  Parenting is full of transitions, which means parenting is full of challenges.  While transitions are challenging, they are also needed and beautiful.  Allow me to use music to explain.

Music is such a joy to our lives.  It can lift our spirits, motivate us, and unite us.  However, not all music is lovely.  Have you ever had the horror, I mean pleasure, of riding the It’s a Small World ride at Disney World?  Those of you who have been there are now hating me for putting that song in your head.  And, why is that?  Because it repeats itself over and over and over again.  While the concept of the song might be fun, the repetition is enough to drive a parent past the point of no return.  That song needs transitions.  The same is true of our children.  Can you imagine if your child never grew up?  What if you had a perpetual infant for the rest of your life?  We find that idea ridiculous, yet at other stages of our child’s life, we tend to shy away from the passage into another stage.  However, we need – they need – that passage.  Without the transition, there is no growth.  Without the transition, there is no change.  Without the transition, you will be left singing, “It’s a small world after all” approximately 439,323 times!

Transitions, like music, are a needed part of our lives.  But transitions in life, just like transitions in music, are challenging.  I have spent the past 10 months writing music for a play.  The hardest part of writing the music usually is not the beginning, middle, or end.  The hardest part is figuring out how to seamlessly pass from one part of the song to another. The writing process for the transitions in music is not very pretty.  It often sounds strange, looks and feels unnatural, and just is not quite right.  It has to happen, so as not to be stuck with an it’s-a-small-world-type of song, but figuring it out takes patience, perseverance, and effort.  The same is true of parenting our children through their transitions.  Guiding your child through a transition will take patience from both you and the child, as both of you are quite uncertain as to what is happening.  It will take perseverance from both you and your child, as it is not an easy, breezy, one afternoon kind of event.  And, it will take effort.  Oh, yeah, that thing.  Here is the deal with effort.  Whatever you put into it, is what you will get out of it.  Parenting and transitioning are going to happen whether or not you try to parent or transition; just as music will continue to play, whether it transitions or not.  The difference between effort and no effort is “It’s a Small World” or a Beethoven symphony.

We know transitions must happen, and we know transitions are challenging, but here is the secret you may not know…they are also beautiful.  Do you realize that as you struggle to help your 8-year-old begin to transition into his middle years, that you will see something beautiful on the other side?  That 8-year-old, who you are certain will never think of someone else’s need, will most likely start to consider the needs of others as he approaches the teen years.  I know you do not believe me, but it is true.  Then, that teen, who has worn you out emotionally, will eventually become an adult and one of your dearest friends.  The passage from one stage to another has written more than just a catchy chorus.  It has become a beautiful sonata.

The in-between parts of a song are my favorite parts, because they are different than the rest of the song.  They bring a richness and a beauty that grows the song into something unique and engaging.  The transitions in a song are what make it beautiful to listen to.  The same is true of your children.  Do not avoid a transition.  Embrace the challenge of a transition.  Put forth effort to get through the transition and your small world will become “What a Wonderful World” instead.

 

 

Tricia McDonald is the wife of SGM(ret) McDonald and four adult children.  She is learning to adjust to civilian life now that her husband has retired.  She is also learning to adjust to life without homeschooling, as all of her children have graduated.  Tricia volunteers her time teaching U.S. History to local homeschooled high schoolers, and coordinating music for a local semi-professional youth theatre.  She enjoys blogging from time and time and is trying to figure out what she should be when she grows up.  She wants to encourage all the young moms to hang in there and enjoy the moments, as they will pass far more quickly than you ever thought possible.
11 Mar 2019

Where to Begin Building Loving Sibling Relationships

by | posted in: Family Identity | 0

Where do you begin when trying to build strong relationships among your children?  Why not start with love?  More specifically, start by teaching your children what God says a loving relationship looks like, as outlined in 1 Corinthians 13.

 

  • Love is patient, love is kind: Brothers and sisters are to love each other as themselves and show patience and kindness. There should be no yelling or calling names. Siblings must recognize that each person has strengths and weaknesses. Patience is necessary when interacting with their siblings because God is patient with us.
    • Put it into action – Ask your kids, “What is kind about what you did or said to your sibling?”
  • Love is not jealous or boastful: Teach your children to be happy for one another when one succeeds or receives a compliment, gift or reward. Teach them to build each other up, not boast in themselves. “Let another man praise you and not your own lips.” Prov. 27:2 tells us.
    • Put it into action – Practice being happy for others by asking them at the dinner table to tell Daddy one good thing their sibling did that day.
  • Love does not demand its own way: Teach your children to compromise. Teach them that meekness is restrained Help them see that a person can be demanding by refusing to do something, as much as he can be demanding by requiring others to do it his way. Neither is loving.
    • Put it into action – Have your child “Take 5” (meaning 5 minutes) to consider Philippians 2:3 – Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. (ESV)
  • Love is not irritable and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged: Teach your kids to wake up happy. Don’t allow a “Grumpy Gus” in the house. Explain that they are not to recount past offenses or they have shown that they did not forgive. Teach them that when God forgives us He wipes the slate clean. Tell them that a happy face reflects a happy heart.
    • Put it into action – For a child who is characterized by being moody, irritable, or grumpy, have her carry around a mirror so she can see what others are seeing in her countenance. For the child who is unforgiving, have him memorize applicable Bible verses like Eph. 4:26, Matt. 6:14-15, or 1 John 1:9.
  • Love is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out: Teach your children that if their sibling gets punished, they should not be happy about it. They should be mindful that there were times they deserved a punishment and were shown mercy. Don’t allow tattle tailing.
    • Put it into action – Encourage your children to pray for their siblings when they see them receiving correction. Have them pray that the offending child will learn from his/her mistakes and choose wisely the next time.
  • Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Teach your kids that they should pray for their siblings and never lose sight of the fact that God is working in all of them. Refrain from labeling others, saying “they always do this or that.” Show them that God makes all things new again. Each day is a day of grace.
    • Put it into action – Put confidence into the one who is struggling by speaking life … speak what they can become when virtue overcomes vice.

 

All children squabble but your response to those conflicts will have a big impact on the strength of your children’s growing relationships with each other.  Persevering through the process of restoration takes time but it will reap lasting benefits.

  1. Require children to seek forgiveness and restoration when wronged by a sibling. As hard as it might be, there are benefits in the process, so require the process. Let it come from their hearts. Hugs never hurt to solidify the restoration. Look for the right attitude. The words alone are not enough.
  2. Consider using isolation as a corrective measure when siblings are not playing well together. Playing together is a privilege which should be removed if they are not demonstrating love as mentioned above. Don’t let them play with friends in place of their sibling. Insist that they work on building a strong relationship with their brothers and sisters first.

 

Your children can grow up to be best friends with each other but you, as parents, need to be encouraging those relationships now by providing a loving environment and resolving conflicts quickly.

 

 

Excerpt adapted from the CFH Contact Mom Manual.  To be connected to a Contact Mom who can give you godly advice on sibling relationships as well as a host of other parenting concerns, click here: https://christianfamilyheritage.org/ask-a-mom/

 

5 Mar 2019

Never Complain About What You Permit

by | posted in: Complaining, Sign Language, Whining | 0

As parents, we do not like whining in our children. I think it’s obvious that whining children often become complaining adults. How do you prevent that trajectory?  Nipping whining in the bud as soon as you notice it is the best way to stop it.

Even babies and toddlers can be taught not to whine.  Start teaching your baby sign language at 8 months and continue on until he/she is verbal.  This will encourage him to use appropriate language rather than whining to get what he wants.  After children are verbal, having them repeat the simple phrase “Yes, Mommy, no whining” can remind them to ask for something again without a whiney tone.

I know some of us think our little ones are so cute (and they are) that we make excuses for them.  We say things like, “They aren’t whining, they just have a high pitched voice”, “They aren’t whining, they are just tired”, or we just give them what they want to get them to be quiet.  But the truth is, it’s our job as parents to put an end to whining, not make excuses for it or give in to it.

The unacceptable behaviors that we allow to develop in our young children will develop into bigger problems later on.  Whining can grow into complaining as our children mature into young adults. Our children mostly learned to exhibit the self-control necessary to control whining when they were young.  However, as they grew older and we noticed a pattern of complaining emerging, we started to use the phrase “Never complain about what you permit.” to draw attention to this new, unacceptable habit.  Complaining and whining are the same thing. Complaining is just whining in an adult body.  When our children were teens, we would repeat the phrase “never complain about what you permit” when they would start to complain. Then we would ask, “Is there anything you can do to change this situation?” If they were complaining about something in their lives that they had permitted, we would come up with solutions. If they were complaining about situations that they couldn’t control, then we would pray with them and encourage them to pray and ask God for a solution.  We would even remind them that the children of Israel wandered in the dessert for 40 years because of complaining. This would diffuse the situation and help them to refocus on a solution instead of spiraling out of control with their complaining.

The next time you are faced with a toddler who whines or a young teen that complains, remember “Never complain about what you permit.” Start them on a journey of finding solutions to their whining and complaining.

 

Cynthia Schrock was born in Ohio but grew up on the mission field with her parents in Quito, Ecuador. She married her wonderful husband Eric in 1990. They have two beautiful children: Ashley is 24 and Matthew is 19. In 2016 Cynthia completed a 13 year long journey of homeschooling. Eric and Cynthia have been involved in marriage and parenting ministry for 22 years. Cynthia is a Contact Mom, helping moms with solutions in their daily parenting struggles.  She has also authored a book on celebrating others called The Ultimate Gift of a Birthday.

 

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