16 May 2019

Turn Your Weary into Worship

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This time of year can make a mama feel weary. May is unexpectedly the busiest month on our calendar, even packing in more events than December. There’s school to wrap up, sports seasons to finish, recitals, finals, projects, award ceremonies, and graduations, AND summer is peeking its head around the corner. This is the time of year when we have to really dig deep to focus on finishing strong. It’s when we have to remember the why behind what we do.

 

Why do we try to parent our teens by influence and not just authority? Why are we still cooking and making family dinner a priority? Why do we stop to correct instead of just hurrying along? Why do we stay up late and ask the hard questions? And then make time to lean in and listen? And is it worth trying to keep those toddlers inside the funnel they are so quickly trying to escape?

 

These thoughts can leave us weary, especially if we only focus on the fruit of our labor. We can question that any of our efforts are actually making a difference. Weariness plus little fruit produced is the perfect equation for giving up.

 

This is the time of year we need to focus on the promise in Galatians 6:9:

 

So let’s not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don’t give up, or quit. Right now, therefore, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us in the community of faith. (MSG)

 

I love the Message translation. It encourages me to not give up! To take advantage of every opportunity with the words, “every time we get the chance…” So how do we find the strength to not give up? How do we transform our weariness into worship?

 

  • Take time to pray—Jesus was in constant communication with His Father. He knew his mission. He was sometimes weary. He was pulled in a lot of directions but still took time to teach, rebuke, love, and correct. He was mindful of his purpose and we should be also. Our parenting purposes aren’t to make us look good, they’re to glorify God.  Take the time to pray so you can remember why you are doing what you are doing.

 

  • Set visible reminders— The to-do lists in our heads don’t always transfer well through our hands and feet. Maybe you’re weary about family dinners: set the table after lunch as a reminder to all that you will gather there in a few hours. Perhaps it’s a school project looming over your kids to finish: lay it out in an area where you can see the work that needs to be completed. Perhaps it’s the workout you’ve been wanting to squeeze in: put your tennis shoes out to remind you of your goal. Or maybe it’s your tongue you’re wanting to tame: place Scripture in your direct line of vision (bathroom mirror, fridge door) to set the reminder for your good intentions.

 

  • Remember His mercies are new every morning – Come mid-afternoon I can feel myself slipping back into weariness, and by bed time I can no longer see straight. A quick glance at tomorrow’s calendar can send me into a moment of despair. But often when I wake up, I’m refreshed and renewed and ready to try again. I love that about God. His mercies are new for us each morning, so instead of going to bed weary, thank Him for the fresh start we will have tomorrow.

 

  • Rely on His strength. – My weariness comes in waves when I’m relying on my own strength. I’m quickly reminded of my weaknesses: I lose patience, I don’t follow through, I miss moments because I’m focused on my own agenda. But instead of focusing on my own weaknesses, I remember that it’s when we are weak, He is shown strong, and we can do ALL things through Christ who gives us strength. We don’t have to put on superhero capes to fly through May, we just have to remember the One who makes us fly.

 

“Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31.”

 

Don’t be bogged down by the busy-ness, let ‘why’ you do what you do be your motivation.   Then, turn your weariness into worship by taking time to pray, setting visible reminders for yourself, remembering God’s mercies are new every morning, and relying on His strength.

 

 

Blaire Johnson is a stay-at-home mom to four children ages 9, 7, 5 and 18 months. She and her husband, Travis, have been involved in the GFI ministry since 2008 and have led classes since 2012. They live in Mt Pleasant, South Carolina.

 

 

 

 

 

 

8 May 2019

Different Not Broken

by | posted in: Mom | 0

Perhaps this recent scene from my household sounds a little familiar to you…

“Son, check your watch. What time does it say?”

“4:00, Mom!” He is exasperated that I’m about to issue a curfew.

“I must see you home at 5:33 because we have a commitment. You got that?”

“Got it!” he yells, running out the door.

I feel sure he won’t be back on time, but I’m hopeful.  5:33 comes and goes. 5:45 does too. And then 6:00. It’s no surprise really – just frustrating to the max. There go the plans we had for the evening! I jump into the car and scan the neighborhood for his bike. Dad stays home in case he returns. 6:30, 6:45, 7:00. We’ve cancelled our event for that night and we’re both worried and angry. Pacing the kitchen, I systematically think through my process to ensure his timely return.  Although this time it was another failure, I’m working on learning from these moments and modifying my approach.  A few minutes after 7:00, my son bolts through the door without checking the mood of the room and frantically explains why he’s late. Sometimes he doesn’t even explain, so I’m encouraged that he’s gaining awareness on some level. In that moment I have a choice to make: give an instantaneous consequence when emotions are high and there will be an obvious cause and effect scenario, or delay my response to when emotions are more neutral but be at a disadvantage because … well, because the emotions are neutral. Don’t we all seem to lose our momentum once we’ve calmed down?

 

Why I Had to Change My Parenting Style to Accommodate ADHD

I’ve raised 4 children ahead of this last one, so my parenting philosophy is tightly in place.  I’ve always taught my children to respect authority and obey the first time.  In addition, I’ve instilled the importance of family identity, thinking of others first, speaking the truth, and the “why” behind it all, which comes full circle to our faith.  When my fifth child came on the scene with a BIG personality and ADHD, I was surprised and shocked to realize I must change the way I parent to maintain a relationship with him – not to mention survive this 18+ year journey as we share space together at home. He’s different, but he’s not broken, and I’ve learned that he needs different tools. My tone has to be different; my approach has to be different. My standards can remain the same, but I must adjust to meet him where he is. I’ve been parenting for almost 20 years, so to completely start from scratch with a new approach takes a stamina I never expected.

That choice I had to make when he arrived home late is one example of a new approach for me. I could not respond to him the way I would have responded to my other children. I just can’t. It doesn’t work. With help from others who know more than me, I’ve learned new strategies that take practice and fine tuning as he and I problem-solve to make curfew work for a 12-year-old. It’s best if I’m intentional about limits while he’s young because this child will be driving in a few years with a curfew later than 5:33.

Why the odd time of 5:33? My answer is it’s a strategy that frequently works for us. 5:33 is an unusual number and stands out more than the typical 5 or 5:30. We have a better chance of seeing him return home on time using this method. Not every time, but often.

 

What I’m working on with my parenting:

  • Controlling my anxiety over the future – and being mindful of how I cope with the present challenges
  • Being strong and resolute
  • Leading with calm authority
  • Spending time cultivating my son’s gifts and talents

 

What I have learned that helps my son be successful:

  • Be specific with directions
  • Be firm yet non-emotional
  • Say things once, but simplify and slow down
  • Use non-verbal communication when possible
  • Make lists
  • Use images rather than words
  • Write schedules on a white board

 

Changing the Way I Think About My Child Who Has ADHD

I can write about dozens of episodes I’ve dealt with, but what has coincided with changing some of my parenting strategies is changing some of my thinking. My thoughts play an overwhelming role in how well I control my anxiety, how well I’m strong and resolute, and how well I lead with calm authority. I read a quote from an author I admire and he stated that children want to do well. Children want to do well. It was and is an “ah ha” moment every time I think of it.

If God has blessed you with a child who presents special challenges, don’t despair.  Seek godly counsel, be willing to change your thinking, and persevere.  God chose you to be this child’s mother for a reason and together, you can be testimony to His unchanging grace.

 

 

Mamie Rand lives in Mount Pleasant, SC with her husband and 5 children. Three children are grown and live nearby. The younger two live at home.  She has homeschooled the younger 2 children over the span of 10 years. Mamie always has her hand in a project, whether it’s volunteering, organizing events, planning trips, or managing her home.
30 Apr 2019

Answering the Never-ending “Why?”

by | posted in: Toddlers & Preschoolers | 0

 

Why do birds build their nests in trees?

Why should we always tell the truth?

Why do I have to?

Why is the grass green?

Why can’t I?

Why should we obey the park rules?

Why are the men working on the road?

And the list goes on and on…..why? why? WHY?  Do you have a child who asks ‘why’ all the time?  It can be exhausting!  One of my daughters was so talkative, I had to put boundaries on how many questions she could ask during a 20-minute car ride for fear my ears would fall off!

 

But are all ‘why’ questions the same?  A closer examination reveals that they are not.  ‘Why’ questions can be classified into three categories:

  • The why of curiosity – Why do birds build their nests in trees? Why are the men working on the road? Why is the grass green?
  • The why of comprehension – Why did you help the man in the wheelchair? Why should we always tell the truth?  Why should we obey the park rules?
  • The why of challenge – Why do I have to? Why can’t I?  Why should I?

Understanding which category each question falls into will help us, as parents, know how to respond to our little question-asker.

 

We often see curiosity questions from preschoolers and early elementary age children, (although I recall my 13-year-old bombarding me with questions about what every button on the dashboard did the first time she got to ride in the front seat of our car!)  These curiosity questions should be answered to the best of your ability.  This ‘why’ is non-moral in nature.

Comprehension questions often intensify during the late elementary and middle school years.  These questions are moral.  Children are trying to figure out the reasons people do what they do.  Parents should always answer these questions as well, directing their children back to biblical principle whenever possible.  If you have been faithful in providing the ‘moral reason why’ throughout your training, your children may not ask a lot of comprehension questions because you’ve already been filling their moral warehouse from the beginning.

Finally, challenge questions can occur at any age.  These questions are also moral in nature but in a negative way.  The child is not asking a sincere question but rather is challenging his parent’s authority.  These questions should not be answered.  Rather, the child should be corrected for his rebellious attitude.  Be warned:  sometimes a child will ask what appears to be a comprehension question but with a challenging tone.  When this occurs, you’ve got a wolf in sheep’s clothing – it’s not really a comprehension question at all but a challenge question and should be corrected.

 

‘Why’ questions from our children are inevitable but with a little thought on our part, we can determine which category they fall into and then know how to answer each one appropriately.

 

 

Luona Nightingale is a Contact Mom for Christian Family Heritage. She loves to help other moms by answering their questions and helping them implement the principles from Babywise and other Growing Families curricula.  She and her husband Luke reside in upstate New York.  They are the parents of four adult daughters.

 

 

 

 

22 Apr 2019

Starting Late…

by | posted in: Infant Sleep | 0

 

What do you do if you don’t hear about Babywise or Preparation for Parenting until your baby is already six or twelve months old?  Baby is not sleeping through the night and you want that to change…but is it too late?  Absolutely not!  If you are in that situation and have a desire to correct the problem, here are some guidelines for establishing continuous nighttime sleep:

General Guidelines

  • Make sure you have read all of Babywise/Prep for Parenting and understand the concepts before doing anything.
  • Do not try to make any changes while out-of-town guests or relatives are visiting. You do not need the added pressure of explaining everything you are doing.
  • Start the process of change when your baby is healthy.

Specific Guidelines

  • Work on your baby’s daytime routine for the first 4-5 days. Keep in mind his three basic activities in the right order:  feeding time, waketime, and naptime.
  • Determine the appropriate number of feedings in a 24-hour period for your child’s age. For example, a three-month-old baby should be receiving four to five feedings a day.  If baby is six months old, he should be receiving three meals a day with a nursing period or bottle just before bed.
  • If you have been rocking or nursing your baby to sleep at naptime, now is the time to eliminate that habit.
  • Be prepared for some crying. You are moving from high-comfort sleep manipulation to training in sleep skills.  Initially, your baby will not like this change but it is necessary for his healthy development.  The crying only means he has not yet developed the ability to settle himself.  That goal is precisely what you are working toward.
  • Be patient and consistent. For some parents, success comes after one night; for others, it comes after two weeks.  The average is three to five days.
  • Continue to think about and look toward long-term benefits. Your proactive response is best not only for your baby but also for your entire family.

 

Retraining is always more difficult than training correctly from the start, but parents who love their babies give them what they need – and young children need a good night’s sleep!  Moms who have seen their babies make the transition from sleepless nights to peaceful sleep report that their daytime disposition changes dramatically as well.  They are happier, more content, and definitely more manageable.  We trust this will be the case with your baby as well.   For more helpful information, connect with a Contact Mom at https://christianfamilyheritage.org/ask-a-mom/

 

Excerpt taken from On Becoming Babywise by Dr. Robert Bucknam and Gary Ezzo.

 

 

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