Picky eaters are often times a parent’s worst friend. Picky eaters are exhausting and frustrating, but what is a tired parent to do? Sometimes dinner just needs to get on the table. And sometimes, we make it easier by just serving the food we know they will eat. But, is that really helping you or hurting you in the long run? Take a moment to take stock of what habits you might be allowing that can lead to a picky eater.
Are mealtimes at predictable times each day? Parents, children thrive on routines. They excel when they know what is expected of them. This includes eating. How are you doing at providing a predictable mealtime for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snack time? If you have let the mealtime routine slack a bit, it is time to tighten it.
Speaking of snack time, how many snacks are you providing each day? Does your child have a snack between every meal, or just once a day? Perhaps, snacking has taken over any semblance of mealtime altogether. Parents, if snacking is excessive, it is no wonder Junior is not interested in eating what you have prepared. Have a snack, but do not let snacking replace meals.
And just what kinds of snacks is Junior eating anyway? Let’s face it. We all love sugar because it tastes amazing! But sugar is not going to do it. Save the sugar snacks for special occasions, once-in-awhile treats, and when life throws you a curve ball. Junior will be far more interested in real food when he is not in a sugar coma all day.
What kinds of real food are your serving? Do you only cater your meals to accommodate a kid-friendly palate of hotdogs and mac & cheese? Oh, there is nothing wrong with kid-friendly food, but there should be variety. Junior should not be running your kitchen, unless Junior is doing the cooking. Variety is interesting and teaches your children to learn to eat even when the menu is not comprised of their favorite foods.
Let’s not forget juice and other sugary drinks. Really, anything other than water should be an occasional offering. Liquids can fill you up just as quickly as food. Why do you think dietitians suggest drinking a glass of water before you eat? If Junior enjoys juice, and dare I even say soda, on a daily basis, it is really not surprising that his interest in eating food is lacking. Save the special drinks for special occasions. Hmm, come to think of it, that is pretty good advice for adults too.
After you have taken stock of these 5 simple reminders, give yourself a grade. How are you doing? Are you the A+ parent, who always seems to offer only healthful snacks, organic meals, and filtered water? No, seriously, are you? While that might be the ideal for all of us, reality is such that is probably not true. It is okay. You do not have to be the A+ parent. But, if you took stock and gave yourself an F, you might want to try implementing some of the above suggestions. While there is no guarantee that following any of these suggestions will prevent a picky eater, there is every guarantee that not following these suggestions will leave you just as tired and frustrated as when you started.
Tricia McDonald is the wife of SGM(ret) McDonald and four adult children. She is learning to adjust to civilian life now that her husband has retired. She is also learning to adjust to life without homeschooling, as all of her children have graduated. Tricia volunteers her time teaching U.S. History to local homeschooled high schoolers, and coordinating music for a local semi-professional youth theatre. She enjoys blogging from time and time and is trying to figure out what she should be when she grows up. She wants to encourage all the young moms to hang in there and enjoy the moments, as they will pass far more quickly than you ever thought possible.
They say picky eaters are made, not born. But is this true?
Living in the Midwest all my life, a common family meal consisted of meat, potatoes and at least one vegetable… fairly balanced nutritionally and hearty. In fact, my husband’s and my favorite meal is roast beef with potatoes and carrots. It makes my mouth water just to think about it! When this meal was offered to each of our four children when they began to eat solid table foods, all four of them literally gagged on it! ALL FOUR! What’s a parent to do? Were my children becoming picky eaters?
Because of their reactions, we could have determined our children did not like our meal and chosen not offered it to them again. We didn’t do that, however, because it was our favorite meal and one we often made for special occasions or a Sunday dinner after church. Fast forward ten years and that meal is now a favorite of our children… yes, all four. The smell of it wafting through the house brings thoughts of family, warm conversation, and unhurried schedules.
How can you prevent your children from becoming picky eaters? Is it a food issue or a character issue? Consider the following:
Don’t put words in their mouths.
Parents are solely responsible for the nutritional needs of a newborn. As our babies grow into toddlers and their little personalities and preferences develop, it can be both fun and frustrating. Many babies make negative faces when new tastes are put into their mouths, causing parents to make the comment that the child ‘doesn’t like it’. Since the child cannot yet speak to tell you precisely that, it may not be the case; it may be the surprise of a new taste or a new texture. Be careful about speaking ‘for’ your child. Keep offering nutritious foods, regardless of the child’s first time response; it may one day become his favorite. Also be careful about making comments out loud that the child can then decide to embrace. Babies, toddlers and children are constantly listening, observing, and picking up on more than you think.
Persevere while partnering with your spouse.
Perseverance is needed in parenting… including with food issues. It’s helpful to keep in mind what is going on in your child’s life that may be manifesting itself at the table. When a food issue arises, agree with your spouse about what to do and together have the gumption to make it happen. Think practically about your child’s nutrition and how you can accomplish a healthy balance while offering a variety of tastes and textures. Also keep in mind that you’re training for the future: Your child will one day manage her own nutrition, the nutrition of her own children, or be a guest in a home for a meal where courtesy should be demonstrated.
Questions to consider when dealing with food issues:
Is what I’m asking my child to eat unreasonable – weird, odd, unusual, or uncommon?
Is the portion size too much?
Is the texture new to the child or difficult to chew?
Does this happen at every meal, no matter what is offered?
Do I frequently offer a food alternative to my child?
Do I often allow snacks that offset a hearty appetite at mealtime? Or do I provide an after meal treat to compensate?
Am I working to establish my parental authority in this child’s life when not at the table?
Is the food issue that’s troubling me actually an obedience issue which just comes to my attention at the table?
Table trial or character issue?
Many times, food issues do not begin at the table, but reflect other areas of freedoms that go unrecognized. Training your child to obedience will help you with table and food issues. If you have trained, or are in the process of training to first time obedience (child coming and responding ‘yes, mom/dad’ to the call of her name), your child’s verbal commitment will serve you well at the table also. When children hear themselves verbally commit, they are more likely to comply and keep their word. Consider the possibility that some of the food issues you are dealing with are subtle forms of rebellion.
Don’t avoid the issue. Address it.
One of our children had a texture issue that involved some gagging and noticeable food preferences. Knowing this helped us create menus which took into consideration the child’s preferences while still keeping nutrition in mind. For a time it meant we needed to cut the food into smaller pieces (or mash it up); we increased the texture little by little. We also gave smaller portions of difficult foods at first, which allowed us to praise our child when the portion was finished. We made a point to encourage what was going right with our child’s daily intake while still persisting in working through the texture issues. Textures quickly became a non-issue.
Expectations are important
GKGW says that “Children will rise to the level of expectation of their parents. Many parents expect little and receive exactly that.” When you expect little, or allow your child to manipulate, you ultimately neglect to train your child to be an adaptable adult. Children are not old enough, wise enough, or have the life experience to manage their own diets (or their lives in general). What happens at the table is often a telltale sign of character weaknesses in your child that need to be addressed.
Ask yourself:
Is my child characterized by obedience in other areas of his daily life?
How often am I dealing with this issue? Once a month? a week? daily?
Have I resorted to threatening, bribing or negotiating related to eating?
Am I consistent with the standard I expect as a parent or do my emotions overtake me, causing me to give in to my child’s whims just so the conflict is avoided or ended?
Without a doubt, dealing with the apparent picky eater is not for the faint of heart. All of parenting is hard work. What manifests itself at the table can be just as prevalent in other areas of the life of your picky eater. Observe your child for several days. Note positive areas to encourage while also noting less than desirable character concerns that show up. It only takes 2-3 days for you to see where you need to focus your training efforts. You will find better results at the table if you are expecting similar strong character to be demonstrated throughout the daily life of your child.
Karen Kurtz is a mom of 4 Babywise/Prep for Parenting babies. All of them slept through the night as prescribed in the Ezzo’s parenting books. As a Contact Mom, Karen enjoys helping other parents train their babies and children. Karen and her husband Don, make their home in NE Ohio and all four babies are now young adults.
Food and fellowship. In the home, this is mealtime. Training our children in civility at the dinner table starts young. Most families have mealtime rules like:
Food goes in your mouth, not on the floor
Hands rest on the sides of the highchair tray, not on your head!
Use sign language or your quiet voice to say “More, please!” and “Thank you!”
Wait patiently until others have finished their meal.
Ask to be excused from the table.
Try new foods with a cheerful heart.
Ah, in a perfect world, one lesson and our children would “get it.”
In the real world, learning good table manners is a multi-lesson experience. The kitchen table is the place we train our children to eat whatever is placed before them. We lovingly prepare food that will meet their nutritional needs. We also work with them on being thankful for their food, which is tangible evidence of God’s provision. And let’s face it: we want them to eat whatever is placed before them at someone else’s home. Learning to enjoy all kinds of foods is a skill! How many of us were not broccoli fans when we were children, but now we get excited over broccoli? Maybe I chose a poor example… Children may express their dislike for certain foods, and sometimes in ways we do not enjoy! The flipped plate or the scream (cover your ears!) are just two of the experiences the mom next door has had with her children. ?
Some of us have struggled with the question: why is my child all-of-a-sudden a “picky eater”? This happened to me. My toddler did not flip her plate or scream, but she did tell me that she did not want to eat red meat. Ever again. Obviously, this was an obedience issue! (I was not the perfect mother ~ still am not!) I tried several times to get our daughter to eat hamburger and recipes that included ground beef. She ate everything else, but not red meat. It got me thinking and praying. Why would she try everything else but avoid red meat? Finally, after careful observation, I determined red meat made her little tummy sick. She was avoiding a food that made her feel bad. It wasn’t an obedience issue after all! It was a health issue. She chose to eat foods that made her feel good. In a sense, I guess she was a picky eater! ?
If your little ones are showing an openness to eating different foods, but there are one or two they will not eat, do some investigating! It might not be an obedience issue at all. They might just be trying to tell you that that food makes them feel badly.
Please know I am not a medical professional, nor do I intend to offer my story as medical advice. I just wanted to share my experience in hopes it would be helpful to other families.
Glen and Jerrine Hicks have been married 33 years and live near Sedalia, CO. They have two adult daughters and one son-in-love. Jerrine’s idea of a perfect day would include a pot of PG Tips tea, some dark chocolate, a Jane Austen movie, and time reading Martyn Lloyd-Jones, Jerry Bridges, Emilie Barnes or L.M. Montgomery. She loves couchtime with her Glen. She is an introvert. 😉 The Hickses have been involved with Growing Families since 1996.
Healthy eating isn’t easy for adults so why would it be easy for kids? Our kids’ eating habits will be a reflection of what we model. True confession: I used to think a piece of bologna, canned peas, and some diced fruit counted as a complete meal. I fed this combination of foods, or a variation thereof, to my boys. Of course hot dogs and lunch meat are nothing unusual, but I honestly thought I was covering all of the major food groups here. Oh, except grains and dairy. Guess that would’ve been the gold crackers shaped like fish and a cup of milk!
As I grew in my knowledge of nutrition, our mealtimes changed and improved. I know so much more now than I used to know but I still don’t get it right all the time. So what’s a mom to do? How ‘bout doing the best you can? Maybe you can experiment with cooking your protein in a new way. Lean chicken, turkey, pork, lower fat cuts of beef, shrimp, fish, tofu, and eggs are all great protein choices. Make shish kabobs together. Try marinades and dry rubs. Or maybe you need to increase your fruit and vegetable intake. Eat the rainbow in fruits and veggies. Yes, there’s Pinterest. And you probably can literally create a fruit or veggie rainbow for your kids. And if that’s something you enjoy, go for it! But even if that’s not you, keep putting different fruits and veggies in front of your kids. Living in the days of Google, you can get the information you need on feeding your family, your way. Start there. Then, wherever you are in your healthy eating journey, take the next step. And invite your kids to take it with you – the younger, the better. Make it a family affair!
Here are a few thoughts for you to ponder as you consider introducing new foods in your H-O-M-E!
Heart – Are your children characterized by first time obedience? If they obey you by coming when you call and by picking up their toys when playtime ends, then more often than not, they will eat what you provide when you introduce new foods. Sometimes gaining compliance at mealtimes means focusing a little more on obedience during the day.
Others – Have you considered that mealtimes have everything to do with the preciousness of others? When your child eats what has been prepared for him (regardless of whether it’s a pre-packaged snack with a sippy cup of water or a home-cooked meal complete with apple pie), someone worked to pay for that food. Someone shopped for it and brought it home. Someone prepared it. By eating what is set before him, your child honors others.
Mom and Dad – Are you setting a good example for your kids? Do you try a wide variety of foods? Do you show consideration when served a food that you don’t particularly care for? Our attitudes go a long way in leading our children toward healthy eating.
Experiment – we all have foods we prefer and those we’d rather not touch. Palates grow and change. It’s good to occasionally offer small bites of foods that have previously been rejected. Often we have to try foods more than once to realize we enjoy them. And sometimes we can just show grace to our kids. If there’s truly a food they don’t enjoy, maybe they don’t have to eat it, especially if they’re characterized by eating most other foods. But when you experiment as a family, it becomes an adventure – not something to dread.
And remember, good manners are always in good taste for every age!
Bethany Mounts and her husband, Brian live in the Charleston, SC area with their three sons. They lead classes together and Bethany serves on the board for Christian Family Heritage in addition to being a Contact Mom.
